Today, I woke up to my boyfriend repeatedly whispering in my ear, "You want to give me a blowjob". Yes, he actually thought it would work. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded by asking for a blowjob. FML
Today, I got into a fight with my boyfriend. The only thing he could think of to cheer me up was to give me "permission" to give him a blowjob. FML
Today, my boyfriend started whispering "blowjobbbb" into my ear while we were watching a movie. When I asked him what he was doing, he denied ever saying it and claimed it must have been a subliminal message in the movie. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were making out when he sweetly whispered in my ear, "It's not gonna suck itself." FML
Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by waking him up with a blowjob, because he had always told me that it was a sexy fantasy of his. When he finally woke up, he got pissed off, rudely accused me of interrupting his beauty sleep, then soundly lay back down and fell asleep again. FML
Today, I was feeling frisky and asked my boyfriend if he wanted a blowjob. He said, "Fuck no", then rolled over to go to sleep. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me for a blow job. After I said "no" over ten times, he decided to get up and slap me across the face with his penis. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky in bed. He mumbled something that sounded like "I love you." I replied "I love you too baby", to which he laughed then said, "I said I wanted you to blow me." FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend trying to initiate sex with me in my sleep. He confessed to thinking that if he did it lightly enough, I'd think I was just dreaming. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
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Top comments
pastel_fml 18
Well, did it?
_kyleG_ 34
I'd say that that sucks, but it sounds like it didn't
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Comments (93)
tranced_ 45
What a weirdo! hope you did not played along.
raytheop1020 10
learn english
RebeccaRFT 18
You're going out with an idiot
Zarokona 9
This FML is alot funnier when reading it in txting mode on FML.
False_Stupidity 42
Huh?
Myo_fml 20
If he wants more blow jobs, then there should be more favors of eating out without requesting anything in return.
VitalDistance 14
A for effort
gracehi 33
*Translated* "I'm not some weak minded fool to succumb to your Jedi mind tricks. Oh Oh Oh!"
PANDORUM89 21
you should've pretended to have a nightmare and punched him. where to punch him is up to you.
drrobotnik1 18
"you should've pretended to have a nightmare and punched him. where to punch him is up to you." can you imagine if someone said this to a man? "today I woke up to my gf whispering 'you want to eat my pussy' in my ear. she thought it would actually work. fml" #20 "punch her in the ****." somehow, I think not. the wind would be blowing in the other direction with the FYLs/YDIs too. totally respect your choice to be a terrible lover, OP, no one should ever have to do something they're uncomfortable with sexually, but the response to "hey, can we do (sex act?)" should never be a blow to the reproductive organs. this has been a public service announcement.
zenrael 21
He wouldn't have to orate that at all if he had a long strong Schwartz.
abNormal62 23
He was just testing his limits with respect to his powers of persuasion. Apparently you both failed the oral exam component for this subject.....
zenrael 21
It doesn't work if you have short Schwartz on...
Myo_fml 20
Like that comment worked so well the first time.
zenrael 21
Like don't like get your like panties in like a bundle over it.