Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old standing over me with a pillow. I asked him what he was doing, and he replied that he and Steve were playing a game, but Steve said I have to be asleep for it. Steve is my son's imaginary friend. I'm convinced Steve wants to kill me. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I woke up to my 7 year old son angrily trying to smother me with a pillow. FML
Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old son covering my nose and mouth with his hand and complaining, "Noooo, you need to die now." FML
Today, my 5-year-old son woke up early and ran into my bedroom to wake me up. Unfortunately, he did this by jumping onto my bed, slamming his knee into my balls in the process. I had to explain my tears of agony away by claiming I was just so happy to see him. FML
Today, I was woken up by my 5 year-old daughter hitting me with a pillow because she had a dream that I was using her toothbrush on the dog. We don't have a dog. She is now refusing to brush her teeth. FML
Today, my son climbed into our bed because he'd had a nightmare. He and my wife spent hours whispering and giggling like they were at a slumber party. Cute, until the next morning, when they were both tired, grumpy, and uncooperative. FML
Today, after my father in law upset my 6-year-old son by telling him creating a world in Minecraft is a sin, because only god is allowed to create worlds so all Minecraft players will burn in hell one day, it's been 5 days since he's slept right because he’s scared the Devil will burn him if he falls asleep. FML
Today, I was lying beside my 5-year-old son to help him get to sleep. He turned his head and asked, "Daddy, why do you suck so much?" FML
Today, I was babysitting a 4-year-old, and we decided to play a game of hide and seek. Before he started to count, he looked me in the eyes and said that if I hid in his spot, he'd murder me with a knife when he grows up. I have to babysit this kid for the rest of the summer. FML
Today, I found a disturbing video on my 8-year-old's tablet. In the video, I was suffering from sleep paralysis. He's convinced I'm part demon. FML
Today, I found out that my 4-year-old son is truly convinced that I am a ghost. He also thinks that I died from burning, "because of your face". FML
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Top comments
asoep 4
run, run far away
Trivision 10
Oh no, not another Paranormal Activity! This will be like, what? 27?
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Comments (190)
soul_meets_body 11
I worry for you OP but your "dirty" username is distracting me from your FML !! Haha.
middlenamefrank 8
Hmm....you're posting online with the name "Dirty Sanchez". Methinks your child's Father needs to grow up some.
kalbrek009 20
I agree with everyone else who thinks you should take your kid to see a professional, while imaginary "friends" may seem cute...one that tells someone to do that is either a demon (if you believe in that kind of thing) or a mental illness (like schizophrenia)..either way, someone is bound to wind up seriously hurt or dead!
glki 7
Hi, I'm Steve.
WhiteCrimson 23
Children of the corn seems to fit the story
inumiko 12
QUICK! GET HIM TO A PSYCHOLOGIST!
j_dixie 3
You better get your kid some serious help right away. No joke.
Grolschie 8
Then it turns out "Steve" is actually OP sleepwalking, which explains why OP has to be asleep for them to play the game...
QfiggyQ 10
Is Steve related to Charlie?
flamingdogsicle 2
If I were you, even though it's an imaginary friend I would probably go to a pediatrician to get tested for schizophrenia because that's how a lot of cases start and I live with many of them.