Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old standing over me with a pillow. I asked him what he was doing, and he replied that he and Steve were playing a game, but Steve said I have to be asleep for it. Steve is my son's imaginary friend. I'm convinced Steve wants to kill me. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I woke up to my 7 year old son angrily trying to smother me with a pillow. FML
Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old son covering my nose and mouth with his hand and complaining, "Noooo, you need to die now." FML
Today, my 5-year-old son woke up early and ran into my bedroom to wake me up. Unfortunately, he did this by jumping onto my bed, slamming his knee into my balls in the process. I had to explain my tears of agony away by claiming I was just so happy to see him. FML
Today, I was woken up by my 5 year-old daughter hitting me with a pillow because she had a dream that I was using her toothbrush on the dog. We don't have a dog. She is now refusing to brush her teeth. FML
Today, my son climbed into our bed because he'd had a nightmare. He and my wife spent hours whispering and giggling like they were at a slumber party. Cute, until the next morning, when they were both tired, grumpy, and uncooperative. FML
Today, after my father in law upset my 6-year-old son by telling him creating a world in Minecraft is a sin, because only god is allowed to create worlds so all Minecraft players will burn in hell one day, it's been 5 days since he's slept right because he’s scared the Devil will burn him if he falls asleep. FML
Today, I was lying beside my 5-year-old son to help him get to sleep. He turned his head and asked, "Daddy, why do you suck so much?" FML
Today, I was babysitting a 4-year-old, and we decided to play a game of hide and seek. Before he started to count, he looked me in the eyes and said that if I hid in his spot, he'd murder me with a knife when he grows up. I have to babysit this kid for the rest of the summer. FML
Today, I found a disturbing video on my 8-year-old's tablet. In the video, I was suffering from sleep paralysis. He's convinced I'm part demon. FML
Today, I found out that my 4-year-old son is truly convinced that I am a ghost. He also thinks that I died from burning, "because of your face". FML
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Top comments
asoep 4
run, run far away
Trivision 10
Oh no, not another Paranormal Activity! This will be like, what? 27?
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Comments (190)
emblondie 7
Are you sure his name isn't Toby?
emeraldmaz 9
Not to sensationalise or be a scare-monger, but if this reoccurs, then you may want to seek a professional assessment. Children with schizophrenia or other forms of psychosis/mental illness can often be overlooked because "everyone has an imaginary friend," and there's a stigma about it. However, not everyone has harmful imaginary friends, telling them to do harmful things, and things can get worse. If "Steve" starts scaring your son, or he feels like "Steve" is going to hurt him, or make him do things he doesn't want to do, that's a huge warning sign. Then again, it could also be nothing, and he's just having a bit of a play.
streetracerVC 9
im more worried about your title
Mh2120 1
Oh no! If Steve is not helping with the rent, he gots to go!
incoherentrmblr 22
It's always a guy named Steve.
incoherentrmblr 22
...and it's Steve from Blue's Clues...
Reaper5639 16
Got to love these crazy FML's hahaha
SinfulEnd 20
Okay, sweety, I hate to do this, but its time you fend for yourself... Mommy will be... away...
BriannaMGK 15
Better get your hands on some holy water! Steve gets to go bye bye!
Huddisher 10
I may be watching too many paranormal shows, but when a five year old shows up next you to with a pillow while you're sleeping, then tells you that you have to go back to sleep for a "game" by an "imaginary friend" named Steve, I think you should look into the history of your house.