Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old standing over me with a pillow. I asked him what he was doing, and he replied that he and Steve were playing a game, but Steve said I have to be asleep for it. Steve is my son's imaginary friend. I'm convinced Steve wants to kill me. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I woke up to my 7 year old son angrily trying to smother me with a pillow. FML
Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old son covering my nose and mouth with his hand and complaining, "Noooo, you need to die now." FML
Today, my 5-year-old son woke up early and ran into my bedroom to wake me up. Unfortunately, he did this by jumping onto my bed, slamming his knee into my balls in the process. I had to explain my tears of agony away by claiming I was just so happy to see him. FML
Today, I was woken up by my 5 year-old daughter hitting me with a pillow because she had a dream that I was using her toothbrush on the dog. We don't have a dog. She is now refusing to brush her teeth. FML
Today, my son climbed into our bed because he'd had a nightmare. He and my wife spent hours whispering and giggling like they were at a slumber party. Cute, until the next morning, when they were both tired, grumpy, and uncooperative. FML
Today, after my father in law upset my 6-year-old son by telling him creating a world in Minecraft is a sin, because only god is allowed to create worlds so all Minecraft players will burn in hell one day, it's been 5 days since he's slept right because he’s scared the Devil will burn him if he falls asleep. FML
Today, I was lying beside my 5-year-old son to help him get to sleep. He turned his head and asked, "Daddy, why do you suck so much?" FML
Today, I was babysitting a 4-year-old, and we decided to play a game of hide and seek. Before he started to count, he looked me in the eyes and said that if I hid in his spot, he'd murder me with a knife when he grows up. I have to babysit this kid for the rest of the summer. FML
Today, I found a disturbing video on my 8-year-old's tablet. In the video, I was suffering from sleep paralysis. He's convinced I'm part demon. FML
Today, I found out that my 4-year-old son is truly convinced that I am a ghost. He also thinks that I died from burning, "because of your face". FML
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Top comments
asoep 4
run, run far away
Trivision 10
Oh no, not another Paranormal Activity! This will be like, what? 27?
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Comments (190)
SatinsNightmares 17
Maybe Steve's a ghost. Children can see 'em when everyone else can't lol. And I think you should have a talk with your son and Steve together lol.
guitarst1071995 12
Some horror movie shit up in this place
alliemcilvaine 1
watch the movie "Stevie" it's about a girl who has an imaginary friend named Stevie and Stevie tries to kill the family..
brendejafulable 41
the ghost inside my child....
FroznInferno 9
the leprechaun told me to burn things...
milgie 2
Steve doesn't seem so imaginary after all
dillweed925 1
I'm 100% sure your house is haunted and your son is talking to an actual person. Do some research on your house and I'm willing to bet money you will find out that someone named Steve lived there before you.
ThatBoredGuy 4
Shit !! Get a priest to your house !!
gardenlover 2
You're child is a blooming psychopath. Just do something about it before he starts hurting animals and humans. Some people just get stuck with the short end of the straw.
katnissmellark_fml 15
PLOT TWIST: his "imaginary" friend is a ghost that talks to him and he wants you dead for unknown reasons.....