Today, I woke up to a glorious sunrise. I stood up, took a moment to soak up some sunlight, and then spent the next hour too scared to go make my morning coffee, after my mother loudly moaned, "Ah yeah, give it to me, Woody!" from down the hall. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up to the sounds of birds singing, the smell of butter pancakes in the air, and thought to myself, "Wow, today is going to be great day. I can feel it!" Excited, I jumped out of bed and threw open the door to see my 58 year-old mother doing her morning stretches in the nude. FML
Today, I got out of bed, soaked up the beautiful sunlight, and went to the kitchen to make some coffee. I saw my dad rummaging through the fridge, shirtless and one ball poking through his underwear. I needed to see that about as much as I need ass cancer. FML
Today, I woke up and stumbled over to my window to soak up some morning sunshine. The sunshine was lovely; the sight of my elderly neighbour doing some kind of nude yoga in his backyard certainly was not. FML
Today, I woke up feeling awesome. I turned to face the sunrise in the window, and as I stretched and let out a big yawn. Only for my boyfriend to say "Baby, turn back over. Your breath smells like turds." FML
Today, I was woken up at 6am to the sound of my mother on the back deck of the house hooting like an owl. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of birds chirping, had a wonderful cup of coffee, and found my son throwing up rubbing alcohol in the bathroom. FML
Today, I was awoken by my dad yelling into my ear. In shock, I jumped up off the couch, and came smashing down into the coffee table. FML
Today, I woke up early. As I was just about to fall back asleep, I was re-awoken to the sound of my parents doing it in the shower. FML
Today, I woke up to fresh coffee, pancakes, and the sight of my dad digging a grave in the backyard for my dog. FML
Today, I had to eat my breakfast in terrified silence, as my hungover mother staggered into the room, shouted at the kettle for not boiling fast enough, and after a few seconds, screamed that I'd sabotaged it. I'm now grounded for supposedly trying to fuck with her head. FML
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Top comments
fireice22 0
Toy story?
ZX6Rninja 0
Sounds like they were the ones who had a glorious morning.
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Comments (164)
groupleader 7
Doesn't matter.....heard sex.
Briiyahh 7
Memories
goalieguru 1
No her dad is woodysgamertag from youtube!!!!!!
tj4234 36
Ah, got to love Scotland :D.
tj4234 36
I take it the people who thumbed that down don't know where Ayrshire is?
havocmike 3
If you're old enough to brew coffee you're old enough to move out
babyshaft408 8
Awww ya mama getten dicked down
Swagoverdose 0
Woody? What a nice name to give to a dick....or is it a toy story action figure?
Taurus_ChicKa 37
OMG she's assaulting the cowboy from Toy Story!!! :D I had to say it. Anyway, I doubt they would have noticed/heard you if you just snuck past their room to make your coffee. They were obviously preoccupied with something else... However, to all the people saying to move out, you don't know how old OP is. Some teens these days drink coffee, not just adults. And even if OP is an adult, it's very hard to make it on your own. The majority of college graduates are still living with their parents because they're thousands of dollars in debt with no way to pay it off. They don't have a choice; if they want to have a roof over their head, they have to stay at home because they can't afford to pay rent and utilities, plus buy food, pay for any insurance they might have, and pay back student loans. Get your facts straight.
redwingsfan88 9
I would curl up in the fetal position scared.
goalieguru 1
Is this woodysgamertag from youtube??? :)