Today, I woke up feeling awesome. I turned to face the sunrise in the window, and as I stretched and let out a big yawn. Only for my boyfriend to say "Baby, turn back over. Your breath smells like turds." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while my boyfriend was asleep, I gave him a soft kiss and whispered how handsome and gentle he looked. His response, still asleep, was to roll over and let out a massive fart. FML
Today, I woke up to find my boyfriend watching me sleep. I asked him if he was staring at me because he was in love. He replied that it was because my farting wouldn't let him sleep. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were lying in bed together, and I was in a snuggly mood. I rolled over to gaze lovingly into his eyes and whisper sweet nothings to him in the darkness. His response? "Dear God! Did somebody fart in your mouth?!" FML
Today, I was taking a shower. I heard my boyfriend come into the bathroom, brush his teeth and take off his clothes. He joined me in the shower and instead of doing something loving or sexy, he let out a huge fart into his hand and threw it into my face. FML
Today, while we were sleeping, my girlfriend and I rolled to opposite sides of the bed. When I woke up, I moved closer and wrapped my arm around her. Her response was to fart in her sleep, resulting in a smell so noxious that I had no choice but to roll back to the other side. FML
Today, I was cuddling my boyfriend before going to bed. He farted really loud and spat in my face as he laughed. FML
Today, I woke up feeling like shit after I had spent the whole night taking care of my sick boyfriend. He got up early, feeling great, bouncing around the house. When I finally got up I told him I didn't feel well and he yelled at me for being a bitch in the morning that slows him down. FML
Today, while I was sleeping, apparently I rolled over towards my fiancé and told him "We gotta save the turtles!" and had a five seconds long fart. Now he won't stop making fun of me. FML
Today, I had a dream where I was cuddling with a girl. She rolled over to face me, snuggled up into the crook of my neck, then muttered in disgust, "Ugh, your breath stinks!" Cock-blocked in my own dreams. FML
Today, I woke up to slight memory of my boyfriend leaving for work an hour earlier than originally planned due to "excessive sweat" in my bed. When I removed my sheets and took in a deep whiff, my olfactory receptors instantly knew that his so called "sweat" was actually his urine. FML
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Top comments
sals029 0
how is this an FML? He wasn't disgusted by it. Didn't leave you. Stayed in bed with you. Just wanted you to refrain from opening your mouth near him until you brush your teeth. Everyone has bad breath in the morning. Get over yourself & stop being dramatic.
Starfire22 5
I wouldn't want morning breath in my face either.
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Comments (79)
Qbaniito 1
First
iKaite 0
Sad ****.
iKaite 0
Knob.
IAmBridgette 0
A lot of people have morning breath. It's not a big deal, stop bitching.
Reyo 2
What a coincedence! My breath doesn't smell like unicorns and daises in the morning either! We must be, like, the only two people on earth where our breath smells bad after sleeping. We should totally go out since such a condition is only between you and me, and no one else.
The_Great_Zucchi 15
Unicorns? The only smell that brings to mind is something akin to horse manure...
ilovefatcats 12
lol UNICORN TURDS!!!!!! lol anyone seen Harry potter puppet pals??? it so funny VOLDAMARTS NIPPLE!!!!!
wisericky 12
ydt for letting your boyfriend poop in yor mouth
ayegeen03 0
wtf ? pahahah .
betty66 3
brush ur teeth!! YDI gross
dnlphm94 0
Because your breath is supposed to smell amazing when you just wake up? o.O
ElMundio87 0
it's not supposed to smell like turds
crazytoaster 2
Brushing your teeth in the morning doesn't get rid of morning breathe. You actually have to brush your tounge to get rid of all the crap that builds up there.
ilovellamas 0
lmao!!
SillyPoop 0
Thats when you get up and brush your teeth, why is this a FML? People don't know they have to brush their teeth daily?
sals029 0
how is this an FML? He wasn't disgusted by it. Didn't leave you. Stayed in bed with you. Just wanted you to refrain from opening your mouth near him until you brush your teeth. Everyone has bad breath in the morning. Get over yourself & stop being dramatic.
alexandraa_fml 0
I moderated this and clicked NO. FML's get more lame by the day... Moderators will block this comment in 3...2..1. Now.
domertyuiop 0
#3 and you call her dramatic.
Starfire22 5
I wouldn't want morning breath in my face either.
xCrackerx 3
Morning breath is a bitch. Maybe you should brush your teeth and use mouthwash before bed. That will help.
luckyducky123 0
No, it won't. You'll still have morning breath in the morning. Easiest thing to do OP, is turn over and not breath in his face until you brush/use mouthwash. It's not really an FML (although I can understand why you would say that) but more of an average type situation.
kishuu_fml 1
Have you tried your methods before you posted them here? Obviously not. Since its one of the dumbest advice I've seen in awhile.
Qbaniito 1
Someones a bit kinky, realy, a rusty trumbone? Next time, do it in the shower. That way when you go to lick his ass, hopefully the shit will have washed away.
BikerMike 0
I was thinking the same thing - brush after giving a rim job.
iFerret 0
Ehh try getting out of bed an hour before he usually wakes up and brush your teeth/ use mouthwash
shananigans 0
I feel your pain. I have terrible morning breath too. I brush and use mouthwash every night, to no avail. My boyfriends nice about it but you'd never catch him kissing me first thing in the morning.
Dynoblaze 1
Well your ass was pointed toward him so if his eyes were closed he could have mistaken your fart for your breath.
alexandraa_fml 0
"Oh, I get it. The fat man cracks a funny and everyone wets themselves. I give FML gold and I get squat!.. I'll be in the car."