Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to my wife muttering "God, I want you so bad". Figuring she was either talking to me or longing for the second cumming of Christ, I turned over to see which. Turned out she was rubbing one out to some guy's Facebook photos on her phone. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was in the mood for morning sex, but my wife told me to go wank it off in the bathroom. Three minutes later I was mid-wank when she started banging on the door because I was taking too long, and she needed to pee. FML
Today, my girlfriend text me and told me to do something sexy because she was going to FaceTime me. I eagerly dropped my pants and started stroking it to get ready for her. As soon as I opened her call, she was standing with my wife. I literally got caught with my dick in my hand. FML
Today, while I was sleeping I heard my girlfriend moaning. She was seemed to be having a wet dream. She moaned more in her dream than when having sex with me. FML
Today, my wife has video of me asleep on the sofa, clearly having a vivid sex dream, with a raging erection, ending with me having an orgasm that soaked through the front of my shorts, leaving a wet spot, which she helpfully zoomed in on just to really illustrate my shame. FML
Today, my wife checked the time while we were having sex. Twice. FML
Today, I was awoken by my wife patting my head and talking in her sleep, asking, "Who is this? Who am I touching?" She then rolled over and farted on me. FML
Today, my wife stopped halfway through a blowjob to check a notification on her phone for a game. FML
Today, I woke up to my girlfriend having phone sex less than 10 feet away from me. FML
Today, I woke up to my best friend laying next to me vigorously touching herself. She thought I was asleep. FML
Today, my cuckold fantasy became real. I got back home earlier than usual and found my wife being banged by a guy. I waited 10 minutes for him finish before entering the room screaming. FML
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Top comments
Marzell 12
Kinda creepy. She should just go watch **** or something.....
cherries62212 16
Looks like someone needs a better woman..
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Comments (193)
TayShayKiwi 1
I don't care if he's in Australia, does anyone notice he says second CUMMING of christ???
Ariana_Grande_fml 8
Divorce that gal, that is so sad..... If she cant appreciate u..... Nvm just divorce her
simonn96 2
These hoes ain't loyal
Saraishi 25
Ewwww. That's creepy stalker behaviour. FYL, OP. And that guy's life.
cook4money 9
If OP were a woman writing this about her husband, everyone would be yelling " divorce that cheater". I can not imagine how this guy felt, I'm so sorry dude. That really does suck and I hope you talked to her about it. I would not be ok with it but if you are able to forgive her, I wish you the best of luck.
Neopopulas 9
Not TOO different from watching ****, though it is a little creepy
doctorhook86 25
Seems like the tribe has spoken: The OP's wife may not be cheating, but this situation is fishy as hell... Pun intended.
Ashter 20
That sucks man. I really hope things work out for you though.
tj4234 36
I'm really interested to know, did you spell 'cumming' that way deliberately as a pun for the rest of the FML?
GameofWalkingBad 3
"Second cumming" I got you OP!