Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to my cat meowing, with her dilated vagina in my face, giving birth to her first litter of kittens. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I witnessed the miracle of life. More specifically, my cat giving birth on my bed at four in the morning. FML
Today, I got a kitten. She decided to sleep on my bed, waking me up periodically during the night by biting my face to make sure I was still alive. FML
Today, as I was trying to fall asleep, I was jolted awake by my oldest cat who'd decided it would be perfect to power-puke all over my bed. FML
Today, my cat went into labor. This is surprising since 6 years ago, we paid to have her spayed. FML
Today, I woke up to find my cat has gone into heat. Her favorite thing to do right now is sticking her ass in my face and howling like a Nazgûl. FML
Today, I was woken up by my roommates cat meowing so loudly at her door, wanting in. Suddenly it stopped. I was just falling back into sleep when I rolled over and the cat was right there beside my head. Meowing. FML
Today, my cat had the bright idea of giving birth in the dryer, on top of all my new white towels. FML
Today, I woke up in a guy's bed to one of his cats licking my nipples. FML
Today, I was woken up at 5:15 AM to the lovely sounds of my cat barfing in three different places on my bedroom carpet. FML
Today, I had to babysit both my neighbor's 3-year-old daughter and my very pregnant cat. I left the room briefly, only to come back to a traumatized 3-year-old crying in horror as my cat gave birth in front of her. FML
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Top comments
Wiringify 22
She wanted you to be the first to see it.
DocBastard 40
Most guys like pussy in their face. This...not so much.
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Comments (260)
Wiringify 22
She wanted you to be the first to see it.
DKjazz 20
Now the kittens will think you're the daddy. :D
Zeppelin1969 5
This is the best FML I have heard in a long time. Thank you for your suffering, OP.
amandajlucas2015 2
She was prolly scared and wanted ur help lol
JocelynKaulitz 28
Oh like you didn't think the kittens were cute. You're probably cuddling with one or two right now.
P374RD3D 9
#27 *insert overused comment here*
SuperPizzaMan_fml 11
*inserts penis am i playing this right
Mauskau 36
67, kittens look like little bald rats when they are born and they, like anything else when born, are covered in blood. I doubt OP wanted cat ****** juices and blood on their face whilst they were sleeping.
kay71095 9
99- and if you touch a new born kitten, the mom will eat it because she thinks its an alien if it smells like human
doctorhook86 25
This is not typical cat behavior...
rinkagamine_fml 9
Not true, actually.
peanutfoo 19
Umm.. That's.. Ahh.. Delightful?
J1hill33 12
112- you're thinking of birds. That's what they do. Like if you see one in the ground you don't put it back in the best because that will do it no good
SoNotForYou 5
Not true. Old wives tale. If the cat trusts you, you can touch the kittens.
simonsaysYDI 8
150 - =P if you see a baby bird on the ground, and want it to live, you should not just leave it there either. There is a slim to none chance that bird will EVER get back into its nest if it falls out. Many birds can't/won't carry their young, or if it was injured will just leave it for dead. If it seems healthy enough to make it, try to see if a local shelter will take it. Also.. just so people know, this doesn't apply to ducks/geese and such. You can take those lil guys to a nearby pond and put them near another group of babies and they will fit right in :)
cookeemonster 7
150: actually, birds have a bad sense of smell. They can't 'smell' human on the chick, they will simply stay away for a while even when you have left to stay out of danger. Birds will always take back their babies if someone has touched them, so if you see one you DO put it in the nest again. Leave it, and the mother will come. So do your research and know what you are talking about please
SApprentice 34
181 is right. A mother bird will still accept a chick if a human has touched it. Birds tend to be very good parents.
katie1989 9
Birds cant smell. Youre suppost to put it back into the nest *google it
MsWeed 8
That's a pretty disgusting image. Thanks OP!
baywolves2013 0
You think....
midlojoe 2
Actually birds can smell, and have very keen taste buds
natty098 2
there needs to be antihero button, THAT'S FUCKEN HILARIOUS
chabooty27 7
The cervix gets dilated not the ******
PrincessCastiel 27
I have learned alot about animals reading these comments.
greeneyedxx 13
Just like people. If they trust you, you can touch da booty.
typark123 7
Well but the good news it you have cute kittens now :) con grats
shadowsorel 15
That, and you're the one who witnessed their births. :D
lardinmybum 1
It's just a stupid cat
shadowsorel 15
How is it just a stupid cat? It just gave birth to precious kitties!
estes816 9
Your 'just' a stupid human.
lardinmybum 1
You no good wanking buggers dumb chodemonkey cats suck dogs are better dammit
fymother 13
Unless you have homes lined up waiting for them and the money to get them all vaccinated, you really should get your cat fixed. There are wayyyy too many cats out there in need of a good home (or living feral), and according to My Cat From Hell (if you don't know it, look it up) a cat that has not been neutered or spayed lives half as long as those who have.
tayza249 20
Share in the magic :)
omg36 7
Vaginas can dilate?
annie_nk 23
And sex makes babies.
frrenchy 5
Yes they can. How do you think a woman gives birth to a baby? The head has to get out somehow.
leogirl95 12
Congratulations to your cat
xcarxcrashx 9
Cats are jerks.
crazycatlady5 6
41 - no.
sens3sfailing 25
44- your comment with your picture make me confused, but I agree...MOST cats are not jerks, a small portion of them can be rotten apples just by chance and a lot of times shitty last owners if you rescued the cat.
mizuki123 8
I have a bipolar cat..but I love him. He's snuggling with me right now.
deadxwedding84 5
107- Not for long
lardinmybum 1
Almost every cat that approaches me tries to scratch and rip my face off. Some are nice though.
mizuki123 8
My other one is nice:) if you put your face close to his he will head butt you.
simonsaysYDI 8
132 - Random cats on the street? If they're feral, no duh, they're not socialized and you're either predator or prey. But, a lot of people don't train cats well since they're so small (usually), so they get a worse wrap than dogs when it comes to behavior, because they chew and claw and jump in things they shouldn't =D
mizuki123 8
I see cats all the time and they come to me and let me pet them.there are these three homeless kittens that I'm working on catching and taming them,
Izabushel 65
I swear my cat has mental issues as well. I mean, even more than normal for a cat. I think she needs Prozac.
jem970 19
She needed your moral support.
HahaBoy 0
Oral*
mduffy08 8
That's a lot of *******.
DocBastard 40
Most guys like pussy in their face. This...not so much.
gc327072 31
Human or otherwise, you definitely wouldn't want that in your face whilst it's giving birth. D:
BenL97 5
Pussception.
guci101 14
I was gonna like but didn't wanna ruin the irony of 69
sirpantselot 22
There, I made it 70. You can thumb it up now
frrenchy 5
The birth of a child is a wonderful thing but not a beautiful event to watch.
mikepzz 27
Jesus I hope you didn't have to smell that lol... too bad you had to see it though
TourettesGuyFTW 26
Smell that lol? What does lol smell like?
KrazieKleo 13
Lol is odorless.
CantBeatMe2007 5
43-it's a funny smell...
PipingMouse 14
It's a smelly smell...that smells...smelly!
Yaen 18
Funny... I see what you did there!
sens3sfailing 25
Well hello mr crabs! I'll have a crabby paddy please!
lelo007 11
Mr. Krabs* Krabby Patty*
sens3sfailing 25
Sorry, it's been too long since I have watched sponge bob. Do I get credit for knowing the reference?!
jemmers 13
She wanted her mommy there up close and personal when she became a mommy Note: I'm assuming OP is female.
awsetdvcshjkgss 1
What a way to experience the miracle of life!