Today, I woke up from a nap to hear my roommate having some intimate time with his hand. The slopping and slurping sounds along with the girly man squeal as he finished haunted me all day. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I heard my roommate moaning my name in the shower. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of my neighbor pleasuring himself. FML
Today, I wanted to sleep in after a rough week, only to be woken up by my roommate's sex screams and the pounding of her bed against the wall. Earplugs did not help. FML
Today, I listened to my roommate having sex from 3 a.m. until 6 a.m. When I looked over at my girlfriend, who must have thought I was sleeping, I noticed she was masturbating. FML
Today, after months of living with my roommate's horrific snoring, I looked over to see her sleeping quietly. Elated that I might actually get a full night of rest for once, I went to bed. Just as my eyelids began to droop, she started making vile hissing sounds. Yes, hissing. FML
Today, I woke up to my creepy new roommate licking my cheek. FML
Today, I can hear my flatmate masturbating loudly and asking himself if he likes it. And replying. FML
Today, I decided to watch some porn before bed. The lights were off and my roommate was already asleep behind me. I put on my noise-canceling headphones and turned up the volume all the way. After a few strokes my roommate got up and plugged in the headphones for me. FML
Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML
Today, I came home from work to my hot roommate cooking and wearing nothing but an apron. She pulled me into her room and things went great. At least, they did before I woke up in the break room with my coworkers and boss all gathered around, listening to me talking in my sleep. FML
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Top comments
papertigers_fml 0
girly man squeal, lol.
excusemydust 0
I think the words 'slopping' and 'slurping', as well as the phrase 'girly man squeal' are vivid enough alone to haunt me.
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Comments (155)
Shirschfield 0
1ST
dinosaursmoo 0
Woah WHAT? SLOPPING AND SLURPING? How is that even possible? Someone please explain. o.O
bexox 0
Um... probably the lube
FarSide 23
Dang... I wished I had of stopped reading this post before I got to the end. That it nightmarish.
_Noon_ 0
Eww. Really eww.
A83_fml 18
wearing sneakers in the rain will never be the same... *sigh*
papertigers_fml 0
girly man squeal, lol.
WORSHIPME 0
haha
oprah_fml 0
you didn't enjoy it? Don't tell me you didn't enjoy it! Jk (:
uLtra_attitude 0
HAHAHA. FYL.
Billxd 0
hahaha. i woulda liked it.
KaraBooMi 0
lol.......well ya gotta do what ya gotta do
SHN_fml 0
Iraq!! Representin!
leyalu 0
OMFG YES that was the first thing I thought of too XD
beccanator 0
Does he have a girlfriend? Yeah, his right hand.
genius_man16 1
Pamela Handerson as they say.
gotsparkly 0
Either that or Rosie Palm and her five friends.
bexox 0
PALMela
oprah_fml 0
don't tell his right hand.. But he's cheating on her with his left hand. YOU DIDNT HEAR IT FROM ME.
kewlcat 0
his girlfriend is ms. thumb & her 4 daughters.
CXIsXForXCookie2 0
wow, some of those were really ******* terrible. lol
ian_moriarty 0
What if he's a lefty
xHaniffax 0
"intimate time with his hand." HAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAH *breathe" HAHAHHHHAHAHAHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
alakomonus 0
win
excusemydust 0
I think the words 'slopping' and 'slurping', as well as the phrase 'girly man squeal' are vivid enough alone to haunt me.
FarSide 23
Mega Dittoes
FarSide 23
My sister makes a "boyish woman" death prattle when she polishes her knob.
IDoNotHaveAIDS 0
"Sister" "Polishing her knob" Wait a second...
xchd22x 0
yeah that is kinda weird since when do girls have knobs?
irononreverse 0
How do you even know this!?
yungstunna1 0
your sister has a knob? how the **** would you know?! that's sick. can anyone say incest?
lxclark 17
That sister comment made me laugh more than the FML.
demoreice 0
lmaooo it haunts me too, the rest of the story wasn't needed :3