Today, I woke up from a nap to hear my roommate having some intimate time with his hand. The slopping and slurping sounds along with the girly man squeal as he finished haunted me all day. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I heard my roommate moaning my name in the shower. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of my neighbor pleasuring himself. FML
Today, I wanted to sleep in after a rough week, only to be woken up by my roommate's sex screams and the pounding of her bed against the wall. Earplugs did not help. FML
Today, I listened to my roommate having sex from 3 a.m. until 6 a.m. When I looked over at my girlfriend, who must have thought I was sleeping, I noticed she was masturbating. FML
Today, after months of living with my roommate's horrific snoring, I looked over to see her sleeping quietly. Elated that I might actually get a full night of rest for once, I went to bed. Just as my eyelids began to droop, she started making vile hissing sounds. Yes, hissing. FML
Today, I woke up to my creepy new roommate licking my cheek. FML
Today, I can hear my flatmate masturbating loudly and asking himself if he likes it. And replying. FML
Today, I decided to watch some porn before bed. The lights were off and my roommate was already asleep behind me. I put on my noise-canceling headphones and turned up the volume all the way. After a few strokes my roommate got up and plugged in the headphones for me. FML
Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML
Today, I came home from work to my hot roommate cooking and wearing nothing but an apron. She pulled me into her room and things went great. At least, they did before I woke up in the break room with my coworkers and boss all gathered around, listening to me talking in my sleep. FML
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Top comments
papertigers_fml 0
girly man squeal, lol.
excusemydust 0
I think the words 'slopping' and 'slurping', as well as the phrase 'girly man squeal' are vivid enough alone to haunt me.
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Comments (155)
hk_fml 9
LOL. The way this was worded made it completely vivid and ten times more gross. xD FYL, definitely.
skittleface 0
i love how he said it 'Haunted' him. ahahahaha.
redbluegreen 41
It's just you and your hand tonight... Don't worry. I'm disturbed just reading about it.
maria12_fml 0
Wooow, what a creep. It wouldve been funny if you walked in on him and told him to get a room, then gave him some condoms and toldl him to get a girlfriend. XD
shewasalmost18 0
Dude, lmao..."IT'S EXPLODING....HAZZAAAAA!! YOU'VE DONE WELL YOUNG PADAWON!"
Tiermes87 0
holy hell. this has happened to me my second year of university. i woke up one morning to hearing my roommate doing the five knuckle shuffle and couldn't stand to be in my room the rest of the day. after confronting him about it, he told me he didn't care who was in the room. i had to spend a year with him as a roommate and catch him doing the shuffle when i'd have friends in our room even. FYL mate. been there.
guttural 0
Lmfao, "five knuckle shuffle"
demoreice 0
sucks U_U
Natashakiable18 0
you didn't have to describe it in details lol
Magneon 7
oh but i did, it was utterly horrifying all i could do is lay there stunned hoping it was a bad dream, only to realize after the girly squeal it wasnt......FML
chocoLIFE_fml 2
haha funny :)
ithedarkknight 0
dude you live in iraq im guessing maybe your a soldier i could be wrong... tough times bro i think its great he is jerkin it sometimes you just need to let one loose bro lol not good to keep it all bottled up... for you on the other hand i know the more you try not to think about it the more you think about it... i would just call him out on it like make a joke about that you heard therefore you would get it off your chest that you know he was jerkin and maybe that way you will get some peace of mind...
DutchGunner21 0
not everybody in iraq is fighting a war dude...
AnotherStranger2 0
..."other hand". Lol. @OP: *shudders* DUDE. THAT IS SICK. FYL.
Reena03 0
that jokes, LOL :P