Today, I woke up from a nap to hear my roommate having some intimate time with his hand. The slopping and slurping sounds along with the girly man squeal as he finished haunted me all day. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I heard my roommate moaning my name in the shower. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of my neighbor pleasuring himself. FML
Today, I wanted to sleep in after a rough week, only to be woken up by my roommate's sex screams and the pounding of her bed against the wall. Earplugs did not help. FML
Today, I listened to my roommate having sex from 3 a.m. until 6 a.m. When I looked over at my girlfriend, who must have thought I was sleeping, I noticed she was masturbating. FML
Today, after months of living with my roommate's horrific snoring, I looked over to see her sleeping quietly. Elated that I might actually get a full night of rest for once, I went to bed. Just as my eyelids began to droop, she started making vile hissing sounds. Yes, hissing. FML
Today, I woke up to my creepy new roommate licking my cheek. FML
Today, I can hear my flatmate masturbating loudly and asking himself if he likes it. And replying. FML
Today, I decided to watch some porn before bed. The lights were off and my roommate was already asleep behind me. I put on my noise-canceling headphones and turned up the volume all the way. After a few strokes my roommate got up and plugged in the headphones for me. FML
Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML
Today, I came home from work to my hot roommate cooking and wearing nothing but an apron. She pulled me into her room and things went great. At least, they did before I woke up in the break room with my coworkers and boss all gathered around, listening to me talking in my sleep. FML
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Top comments
papertigers_fml 0
girly man squeal, lol.
excusemydust 0
I think the words 'slopping' and 'slurping', as well as the phrase 'girly man squeal' are vivid enough alone to haunt me.
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Comments (155)
SiCMgt4SlipKnoT 0
YDI for being Iraq you filthy terrorist
Magneon 7
Wow dude i am just stationed here in iraq you dipshit FYL for not reading the above comments............
el_ECTRO 0
Racism much ?
ShenziSixaxis 0
This made me laugh, but FYL.
SHN_fml 0
Hey, **** u #88. How about u get ur trailer trash ass up n learn a thing or two about the Iraq war b4 u start spreading ur hate. Its not our fault ur brothers really ur father and youre gonna end up breading monstrous love babies with your sister/cousin. How about u stop cross breading and then talking to us like were the "filthy" people u stupid dick-wad. Haha smart money says u cant even pin-point Iraq, your biggest current exploit on a map.
plexico 4
Today you heard this and it haunted you for the rest of the day. Guess what, dude, it's gonna haunt you for the rest of your life! Cheers!
qwerty123456789 0
He's probably a U.S. soldier stationed over there.
youaresofucked 0
WHY HAS THIS WEBSITE GONE SOFT???? SEX IS NOW CALLED INTIMACY, AND THE WORD "****" IS NOWHERE TO BE FOUND!! THIS SUCKS :(
deathbunny256 0
well at least you have your screenname :)
Arabian_Dude 0
ROFLMFAOL !!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA !!! i would mock him with the sound all day long omg i have a headache from laughing !!
lobby0ne 0
WTF?!?!?
YungMarlon23 0
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEWW!!!! YOOOOOOOOOO THAT'S SICK!!!! ERYONE ELSE SHOULD HAVE A REASON FOR AN FML NOW! READING THIS!!!! There should now be about 20 fmls about this nasty one cuz they read it!!... I advise gettin a new roommate... NOW!