Today, I woke up from a nap to hear my roommate having some intimate time with his hand. The slopping and slurping sounds along with the girly man squeal as he finished haunted me all day. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I heard my roommate moaning my name in the shower. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of my neighbor pleasuring himself. FML
Today, I wanted to sleep in after a rough week, only to be woken up by my roommate's sex screams and the pounding of her bed against the wall. Earplugs did not help. FML
Today, I listened to my roommate having sex from 3 a.m. until 6 a.m. When I looked over at my girlfriend, who must have thought I was sleeping, I noticed she was masturbating. FML
Today, after months of living with my roommate's horrific snoring, I looked over to see her sleeping quietly. Elated that I might actually get a full night of rest for once, I went to bed. Just as my eyelids began to droop, she started making vile hissing sounds. Yes, hissing. FML
Today, I woke up to my creepy new roommate licking my cheek. FML
Today, I can hear my flatmate masturbating loudly and asking himself if he likes it. And replying. FML
Today, I decided to watch some porn before bed. The lights were off and my roommate was already asleep behind me. I put on my noise-canceling headphones and turned up the volume all the way. After a few strokes my roommate got up and plugged in the headphones for me. FML
Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML
Today, I came home from work to my hot roommate cooking and wearing nothing but an apron. She pulled me into her room and things went great. At least, they did before I woke up in the break room with my coworkers and boss all gathered around, listening to me talking in my sleep. FML
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Top comments
papertigers_fml 0
girly man squeal, lol.
excusemydust 0
I think the words 'slopping' and 'slurping', as well as the phrase 'girly man squeal' are vivid enough alone to haunt me.
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Comments (155)
jewelzgalore 0
Are you really from Iraq? If so, sorry your country is messed up. Our president Ol' Bush had a way with screwing with things we couldn't control. Best of luck.
AnaMaree 0
Was he sucking his own dick? Anyways, YDI for rooming with that guy.
qetzacoatl122112 0
... What? How is that his fault? Very faulty reasoning...
pietastesgood 0
Slopping and slurping? Unless he was performing auto-fellatio I recommend that he sees a doctor.
lucksnothear1 0
well you could have joined in and done it in sync, together so you had something in common.
somaturee 0
I honestly wish I stopped reading this after 'Today'. Oh jeez. D:
jjneep 0
lolstika 卐 :)
Lonely_Lez 0
...
ivals 3
OMG! A terorrist FML!
penelope_fml 2
Ugh, now it's hunting me to, and I didn't even hear it.
mylifesucksoften 0
ewww.. that really sucks
SimpleSimon 0
What kind of man are you?! ... That was possibly the best oppourtunity to you'll ever have to get prime blackmail and/or ridicule material, and you wimped out and did nothing.