Today, I woke up from a dream about finding a vending machine that gave me free food. I kept eating, it was so satisfying words could not describe how great it felt. Then I realized my hands were in between my legs, I had been touching myself dreaming about free food from a vending machine. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up from the most sensual dream I've had in months. Unfortunately, despite it being better than any action I've had in a long time, the dream was about me fucking a donut. FML
Today, I had a wet dream. When I woke up, I was touching myself. Unfortunately, I also woke up to find that I had fallen asleep on the couch after eating too much at a family reunion. When I looked around the room, over 10 relatives were giving me nasty looks. FML
Today, I had a dream in which I was eating vast quantities of pizza, cookies, and pastries. I became so anxious about all the calories that I woke up. Even in my dreams I'm self conscious about my diet. FML
Today, I had this amazing dream that a beautiful girl was giving me head. It was getting really hot, so in my dream, I reached down to push on her head, but in real life I actually swung my arm down and punched myself in the balls. FML
Today, I woke up from an extremely intense and pleasurable wet dream. This wouldn't have been bad, had it not been about Velveeta cheese. FML
Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML
Today, I woke up from a dream in which I had a penis. Apparently I talk in my sleep, because my boyfriend kept staring at my crotch. FML
Today, I was having a fantastic sex dream. So good, in fact, that I woke myself up breathing heavily and humping my pillow. I was at my friend's house and she saw everything. FML
Today, I was house-sitting for my friend. He was late to return and I ended up falling asleep on the couch and having a dream where I violently shat myself and suddenly developed a six-pack. When I woke up, I found the dream was half true. FML
Today, I had a dream that I was having one of the best poops of my life. I woke up feeling very content and relaxed, until I rolled over and realised it wasn't a dream. FML
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Top comments
_Skies 0
Thinking about them Twinkies again eh?
swirlsofhoney 0
hey vending machine food is good just not that good...
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Comments (227)
Bart_Oranje 0
@9, 14 .. It actually sounds like a girl to me. "In between my legs" doesn't exactly sound like a dude. @OP, Who cares... maybe you forgot about the sexy man/woman that appeared in your dream and turned you on.
Yulia_fml 0
heyy #23, you're the one who ran the risk of calling this person hot with knowing the gender. I have the right to make fun of you. this is fml =) And by saying "but who knows," I was simply saying that it's a POSSIBILITY. You can call me an epic fail if i had declared it was a guy, no question about it.
instnt1nfction 17
It's a girl, terdwipe
randomdude1234 0
Women have more emotional attachment with food anyways.
BaldOuting 0
haha food can be sexy sometimes! and very satisfying!
Nakedsquirrel 5
I can't visualize OP as anything other than a fat chick. Do dudes even dream about food outside of cartoons, let alone ********** while dreaming of eating?
simpsonman3000 0
when i first read this i thought you meant you had your hands in your vag and you were, like, putting them in your mouth afterwards. like eating yourself out. lol
rukusrazor 0
#32 - I was being sarcastic about the "you sound hot" as in "you sound fat". If you are going to make a statement. Make one. Don't make two different statements that contradict each other. It makes you sound dumb. =) *the more you know*
Whoadee 0
ha! that's showing that fatty fat fatty!
epic_delight1337 0
Hahaha wow so food arouses you? u were rubbin your candy bar ;)
hdat 0
if i was a fatty, then it wouldn't be an FML.
Yulia_fml 0
#35, let's not be hypocritical. You're the one who replied to the wrong comment =) sarcasm doesn't usually work out on the internet, btw. Duuuude come on. I'm so tired of arguing about this. I did make a statement - I said it was possible that this is a guy. That's that. Can we be friends now?