Today, I woke up from a dream about finding a vending machine that gave me free food. I kept eating, it was so satisfying words could not describe how great it felt. Then I realized my hands were in between my legs, I had been touching myself dreaming about free food from a vending machine. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up from the most sensual dream I've had in months. Unfortunately, despite it being better than any action I've had in a long time, the dream was about me fucking a donut. FML
Today, I had a wet dream. When I woke up, I was touching myself. Unfortunately, I also woke up to find that I had fallen asleep on the couch after eating too much at a family reunion. When I looked around the room, over 10 relatives were giving me nasty looks. FML
Today, I had a dream in which I was eating vast quantities of pizza, cookies, and pastries. I became so anxious about all the calories that I woke up. Even in my dreams I'm self conscious about my diet. FML
Today, I had this amazing dream that a beautiful girl was giving me head. It was getting really hot, so in my dream, I reached down to push on her head, but in real life I actually swung my arm down and punched myself in the balls. FML
Today, I woke up from an extremely intense and pleasurable wet dream. This wouldn't have been bad, had it not been about Velveeta cheese. FML
Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML
Today, I woke up from a dream in which I had a penis. Apparently I talk in my sleep, because my boyfriend kept staring at my crotch. FML
Today, I was having a fantastic sex dream. So good, in fact, that I woke myself up breathing heavily and humping my pillow. I was at my friend's house and she saw everything. FML
Today, I was house-sitting for my friend. He was late to return and I ended up falling asleep on the couch and having a dream where I violently shat myself and suddenly developed a six-pack. When I woke up, I found the dream was half true. FML
Today, I had a dream that I was having one of the best poops of my life. I woke up feeling very content and relaxed, until I rolled over and realised it wasn't a dream. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
_Skies 0
Thinking about them Twinkies again eh?
swirlsofhoney 0
hey vending machine food is good just not that good...
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (227)
lowcapacityx 0
yeah food makes me hot too.
ShenziSixaxis 0
I'd be doing that too; I love FREE food.
FMLGirl1991 0
well at least that would explain why it felt so great...
INTENSE2013 0
WOW THAT TOTALLY SUX SRY BUT....FAIL!!!! HAHA NAW IM KIDDING THATS.....INTRESTING XD
jncwmnd 0
I agree..the bacon guy was better...and if you are bacon guy...then you definitely need a gf/bf
Stragler 0
Well this is... different. Bummer if you were gettin' it on with yourself because you got free food. You wouldn't happen to have a food fetish would you? Probably not. Well look on the bright side. You didn't consciously choose to do that and nobody was around to witness it. Hopefully anyways...
whimsical_fml 0
LOL 92, A HANDFUL OF FAIL.
podrummer9209 0
Wellllll... as long as you're relatively attractive, I see nothing wrong here. Girls touching themselves = win.
mac_fml 0
..i dont see anything wrong with that. free food is awesome.
sabbs 0
um..gross.