Today, I woke up from a dream about finding a vending machine that gave me free food. I kept eating, it was so satisfying words could not describe how great it felt. Then I realized my hands were in between my legs, I had been touching myself dreaming about free food from a vending machine. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up from the most sensual dream I've had in months. Unfortunately, despite it being better than any action I've had in a long time, the dream was about me fucking a donut. FML
Today, I had a wet dream. When I woke up, I was touching myself. Unfortunately, I also woke up to find that I had fallen asleep on the couch after eating too much at a family reunion. When I looked around the room, over 10 relatives were giving me nasty looks. FML
Today, I had a dream in which I was eating vast quantities of pizza, cookies, and pastries. I became so anxious about all the calories that I woke up. Even in my dreams I'm self conscious about my diet. FML
Today, I had this amazing dream that a beautiful girl was giving me head. It was getting really hot, so in my dream, I reached down to push on her head, but in real life I actually swung my arm down and punched myself in the balls. FML
Today, I woke up from an extremely intense and pleasurable wet dream. This wouldn't have been bad, had it not been about Velveeta cheese. FML
Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML
Today, I woke up from a dream in which I had a penis. Apparently I talk in my sleep, because my boyfriend kept staring at my crotch. FML
Today, I was having a fantastic sex dream. So good, in fact, that I woke myself up breathing heavily and humping my pillow. I was at my friend's house and she saw everything. FML
Today, I was house-sitting for my friend. He was late to return and I ended up falling asleep on the couch and having a dream where I violently shat myself and suddenly developed a six-pack. When I woke up, I found the dream was half true. FML
Today, I had a dream that I was having one of the best poops of my life. I woke up feeling very content and relaxed, until I rolled over and realised it wasn't a dream. FML
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Top comments
_Skies 0
Thinking about them Twinkies again eh?
swirlsofhoney 0
hey vending machine food is good just not that good...
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Comments (227)
funsize003 0
hahah # 13 oh my. so good. and um vending machines? that's...uncomfortable. I recommend a girls mouth to do that job.
thorstenfillmann 0
:-) thats a good one
rukusrazor 0
#14 - We all take these different ways. I personally wouldn't think a man would NOT say "hands between my legs", or "touching myself" he would say he was 'grabbing', 'holding', 'jerking' or something around those lines. You are the epic fail for starting to type someone else is wrong, then contradicting your previous statement by saying "but who knows".
Greg101 0
I would touch myself to that
rukusrazor 0
Oops I meant "I personally think a man would NOT say.." /Need coffee.
slimjimjerky 0
hahahaha lol nothing like good food (:
GrapefruitZoe 0
Hot.
The_Great_Zucchi 15
I'm not much for stereotypes but: Are you American?
xHaniffax 0
well, no one except you woulda known...then it wouldn't have been an FYL....but then you posted it on the internet....so FYL
quackquackquac 0
#13... wrong FML?