Today, I woke up from a dream about finding a vending machine that gave me free food. I kept eating, it was so satisfying words could not describe how great it felt. Then I realized my hands were in between my legs, I had been touching myself dreaming about free food from a vending machine. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up from the most sensual dream I've had in months. Unfortunately, despite it being better than any action I've had in a long time, the dream was about me fucking a donut. FML
Today, I had a wet dream. When I woke up, I was touching myself. Unfortunately, I also woke up to find that I had fallen asleep on the couch after eating too much at a family reunion. When I looked around the room, over 10 relatives were giving me nasty looks. FML
Today, I had a dream in which I was eating vast quantities of pizza, cookies, and pastries. I became so anxious about all the calories that I woke up. Even in my dreams I'm self conscious about my diet. FML
Today, I had this amazing dream that a beautiful girl was giving me head. It was getting really hot, so in my dream, I reached down to push on her head, but in real life I actually swung my arm down and punched myself in the balls. FML
Today, I woke up from an extremely intense and pleasurable wet dream. This wouldn't have been bad, had it not been about Velveeta cheese. FML
Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML
Today, I woke up from a dream in which I had a penis. Apparently I talk in my sleep, because my boyfriend kept staring at my crotch. FML
Today, I was having a fantastic sex dream. So good, in fact, that I woke myself up breathing heavily and humping my pillow. I was at my friend's house and she saw everything. FML
Today, I was house-sitting for my friend. He was late to return and I ended up falling asleep on the couch and having a dream where I violently shat myself and suddenly developed a six-pack. When I woke up, I found the dream was half true. FML
Today, I had a dream that I was having one of the best poops of my life. I woke up feeling very content and relaxed, until I rolled over and realised it wasn't a dream. FML
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Top comments
_Skies 0
Thinking about them Twinkies again eh?
swirlsofhoney 0
hey vending machine food is good just not that good...
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Comments (227)
bosco_kk 0
Was it bacon? huh? lulz
rallets 23
talk about wakin' bacon, amirite?
HteaXtrainC 0
You know what, I would probably have done the same thing. lol.
ijustlaugh 0
eww hahha that's kind of disturbing xD
thelonelylurker 0
That's hot. But no, seriously, you are not right.
luckyducky123 0
How does this qualify as an FML or a YDI? It doesn't. His life isn't ****** because it happened and he did nothing to deserve it. How about a thats hilarious moment?
kyasariin 0
Vending machines must be orgasmic. xP
fegd 0
You're most likely fat and sad.
thebigone_fml 0
whats your bmi? must be in the obese range. better start eating right and exercising... plus all the food in a majority of vending machines are disgusting processed poisons.
ithedarkknight 0
lol most likely your a guy... sooooooooo idk weird BUT if you were a girl i think thats totally hot unless your fat and repulsive otherwise... thats hot... yea well it said speak your mind so i did =P
Futt_Buck 0
Maybe your hands were cold and you were trying to find your pockets? Only you ended up with a handful of fail.