Today, I was taking a poop when I heard a window in my house break. Then, I heard things dropping upstairs. I decided to stay in the bathroom, which has a lock, and called the cops. Turns out it was just a bird that was trying to get at my fish in the fish tank that I have in my room. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while trying to sleep, I heard what sounded like someone breaking into my house. I ran downstairs, only to find my cat had ripped down my blinds and was tangled up in them, thrashing around the floor like a fish. FML
Today, I called the police because I thought a burglar had broken into our house. I found out the strange noise was just my dog fucking about, so I smashed a small window and kicked down a door so I wouldn't be embarrassed. FML
Today, I was caring for a bird that had flown into my window. I thought the poor thing wouldn't make it, when it shit in my hand, flew into my neck, then around my living room for ages before I could manage to get it out of the window. FML
Today, I woke up to noises from downstairs. I practically pissed my pants and called the cops. Turned out it was just my cat being a dickhead in the living room. FML
Today, I heard a loud crashing noise. I ran into the kitchen to see what it was. My cat had knocked over my fish bowl and had my Beta in her mouth. After scolding her and rescuing it, I decided to clean its bowl. When I went to dump some of the water in the sink, my fish went down the drain. FML
Today, I spent twenty minutes trying to shoo a bird out of my apartment. After finally getting it outside, I closed the window, turned around, and realized I'd locked myself out instead. The bird flew away. I didn't. FML
Today, after my house almost got broken into last week, when I heard some noises in the kitchen I went to investigate. I saw a huge rat run across my floor, and nearly peed myself thinking it was an intruder. FML
Today, the police knocked on my door, saying that they needed to investigate my house for animal abuse. Apparently the neighbours called, reporting a "screeching bird in pain". I have no bird, but I have been singing quite loudly recently. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of something hitting my bedroom wall outside. I could see my boyfriend's car from the window, so I assumed he was throwing pebbles to get my attention. I opened the window and an egg flew in. FML
Today, my house got robbed, while I was upstairs taking a dump. FML
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Top comments
MrsPegg 45
So a bird busted through a glass door/window to go after your fish? That's one helluva determined (and sturdy) bird! What did the cops say?
mds9986 24
At least you played it safe when you heard some fishy sounds in your house.
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Comments (36)
Sora_McKain 36
That is one dedicated bird! I have never seen any animal try to force themselves in through a window for any reason. I hope there wasn't too much damage to the window.
MasterTron 24
It was probably a Raven. They are very mischievous birds.
MrsPegg 45
So a bird busted through a glass door/window to go after your fish? That's one helluva determined (and sturdy) bird! What did the cops say?
Tripartita 45
"We're glad to finally have this bird in custody."
mercumorr 20
Who green lighted this during moderation, damn.
mds9986 24
At least you played it safe when you heard some fishy sounds in your house.
syki 22
Yeah, a lot of people are too bird-brained to stay somewhere safe. They just go flying off at the first chance to look like a heron.
AcieMcG 21
Anyone else flashback to Finding Nemo?
ApologyKick 25
You mean a bird flew through your glass window and was unfazed enough by this to now attack your glass fish tank? Birds have some brass balls up in Alaska.
beeferjay 34
you live in Alaska and don't have a gun in every room in the house? some American you are...
leowoman 10
Did the cops arrest the bird? Hahaha
khorstmye 15
All these made up FMLs are for the birds.
kibster9 20
Very committed bird. Bad fml though