Today, I woke up after a heavy night of drinking, with my laptop dead on my chest. Apparently, I had attempted a bit of digital penile oscillation, but passed out instead. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was taking medicine for my sinus problems and trying to write an essay. I got most of the way done, then unexpectedly fell asleep on my keyboard. When I woke up, my face was wet. I drowned my laptop in my drool. FML
Today, I woke up and felt that my arm was sore. I got so drunk last night, I got an unprofessional tattoo of a penis. FML
Today, I got home after a long day and collapsed onto my bed… forgetting I'd left my laptop open on it. Now I have an expensive, broken pillow. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me that last night after I got drunk, I passed out mid-pump while we were knocking boots. FML
Today, I woke up after a night of drinking to find that while I was passed out someone stole my prosthetic leg. FML
Today, I woke up, only to find my arm was still asleep. I tried to move it just a tiny bit, but somehow ended up punching myself in the face. FML
Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML
Today, I got so drunk that I tasered myself in the balls as a joke, fell down my friend's porch stairs and rolled out into the street. FML
Today, I was just taking a wank with my laptop on low battery. Almost finished when my laptop died. FML
Today, after a night of drinking, I awoke in the early hours of the morning to a sight of my roommate playing with my penis. FML
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Top comments
KHADOOZLE 0
"DIGITAL PENILE OSCILLATION" WHAT THE **** DOES THIS MEAN? LIKE YOU TRIED TO HAVE SEX WITH YOUR LAPTOP!!!
stain33319 0
your misuse of large words makes you that much more of a failure.
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Comments (43)
buddy51 23
One word: AA!
the_pan1c 5
j
teentee401 37
More like two letters.
itouchguy360 3
ydi. if you can drink enough to pass out, you need profesonal help.
GriefBacon 0
Everyone can drink enough to pass out. It's what alcohol does best. Douche.
Poppycorn22 0
Good lord, have you never heard of the term binge drinking? How old ARE you?
Undeadman141 8
Are you like 8 or something?
hhhhh_fml 1
"digital penile oscillation" wat
painfuldiodes 0
it means he was jerking off to **** but passed out because he was so drunk
diet_otaku 0
vocabulary fail. "digital penile oscillation" makes it sound like he tried to electronically move his penis back and forth. just say "jerk off to ****," jesus.
frozenshake 5
lol I thought it meant he was trying to have sex with the comp xD
bvbsoldier 0
me too!
McAninch35 9
That's honestly the worst way of saying ********** that I've ever heard. It makes me think you want to stick your dick in a fan
KHADOOZLE 0
"DIGITAL PENILE OSCILLATION" WHAT THE **** DOES THIS MEAN? LIKE YOU TRIED TO HAVE SEX WITH YOUR LAPTOP!!!
Ohnothingreally 0
L-O-*******-L.
sophieehehexD 0
that's what I was thinking :P
jujubanzen 2
Oh my god no he means jacking off to **** from his laptop
xoxcinderellaxox 0
what the hell does digital penile oscillation mean?!
plexico 4
I think it means opening the laptop just a bit and sticking your dick in between the screen and keyboard, and thrusting away. It's like having sex with a girl with vaginal shingles. Both activities require copious amounts of alcohol.
Rhythm_Man 0
he was jackin it to ****. or using an oscillator. or pretending his junk was in a washing machine. it really depends.
stain33319 0
you failed at jerking off . WOW
stain33319 0
your misuse of large words makes you that much more of a failure.
crocko101 0
Hey go penile oscillate your mom! YDI
jonny2x4 0
The key word here is "attempted". He made an attempt to whack off. Since he was so drunk, he must have experience a case of "whiskey dick" and wan't able to get it up and just ended up passing out.
fringle 0
maybe he just started watching Bruno and "that" part was on? make sense ya?the part with the digital penis oscillating? heh.