Today, after a night of drinking, I awoke in the early hours of the morning to a sight of my roommate playing with my penis. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after sleeping with a guy I met at a party, I woke up to find him peeing in the corner of my room on my roommate's carpet. FML
Today, I woke up to a strange wetness covering my body. My drunk roommate's urine. FML
Today, I woke up naked next to my gay roommate after a night of drinking. Neither he nor I remember anything. FML
Today, I woke up to the sight of my boyfriend playing a game on my iPhone with his penis. FML
Today, I woke up from a night of crazy drunken sex with a guy I had met at a friends 23rd birthday party. The lights had been off when we had stumbled in to his house the night before. When I opened my eyes today, the first thing I saw was his family picture, complete with his wife and son. FML
Today, my roommate came home after a night of heavy drinking and started urinating on my bed. When I confronted him, he just slurred, "Sorry, thought it was my bed." FML
Today, after a drunken New Year's Eve party with friends, I woke up with a penis on my cheek. It wasn't a drawing. FML
Today, my boyfriend came over to see me after almost a month of us not spending time together. Unfortunately, he came straight from bar-hopping with his friends and was wasted. He's currently naked in bed, cooing at his penis, and giggling like a little girl. FML
Today, I listened to my roommate having sex from 3 a.m. until 6 a.m. When I looked over at my girlfriend, who must have thought I was sleeping, I noticed she was masturbating. FML
Today, I woke up with a used condom on my face. Turns out my roommate had sex with his girlfriend during the night and instead of getting up and throwing it away, he decided to throw it across the room. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Compass5000 5
That's called Sexual Assault. Are you OK?
gingerkid124 7
Boy, if the sexes were reversed people would call for a hanging.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (22)
BrotherPhil 35
Doesn't matter: had sex.
measleweasel 6
Where is there even a hint of the gender of the other person? For all you know it could be 2 dudes so shut your complaining mouth hole 🙄
nichollelovins 18
its literally a song by lonely island you uncultured swine
rebelwithmouseyhair 18
you have a weird definition of sex there
FinkiusMaximus 9
She hot?
silentbabydeer 10
Good question, but op didn’t say if the roommate is female or male.
RichardPencil 32
I hope it was Whack-a-Mole!
gingerkid124 7
Boy, if the sexes were reversed people would call for a hanging.
MidnaLink 35
Actually, it doesn’t say if the roomate is a guy or girl.
inappropes 31
I think they just mean if OP woke up getting finger blasted it wouldn't be questions of is the roommate hot or any joking, but calls for police action.
tounces7 28
It doesn't change the truth of that statement, but yes.
rebelwithmouseyhair 18
except if they're both guys there can be no reversal?
bobsanction 18
Their point was, that if a woman awoke to someone playing with their genitals, there would be a hanging.
Compass5000 5
That's called Sexual Assault. Are you OK?
dabigbeast 1
need more details like gender and did they say why they where doing it
H2thaIzzo 4
does the why matter? OP is asleep and drunk, you don't touch someone like that without consent. male or female it doesn't matter.
Charlie Given 28
follow up please 🙏 more details
rebelwithmouseyhair 18
you mean you saw it before you felt it? I'm not sure I understand much about male anatomy after all...
donb23 23
That comment “Your life sucks” has more meaning now doesn’t it.
ojosRojos 28
No?
Amanda G Rich 23
that's sexual assault! please tell me you went to the police or at least kicked him/her out immediately.