Today, while holidaying in Greece, I approached a cute girl in a club and offered her a drink in Greek. She said, "No Greek!" and then called me an "ugly kiss-ass" in English, thinking I wouldn't understand. I'm Australian. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, two drop dead gorgeous Australians asked me for directions. Being so shocked by their beauty and accents, I couldn't get words out of my mouth. Then one said to the other, "Nope, she doesn't speak English", then walked away. FML
Today, I met a really cute girl at a club. At first, she told me I was cute. Then, she slurred that I look like "a spork on legs." Then she sprayed the inside of my mouth with vomit as she kissed me. FML
Today, while on a vacation, I tried to step out of myself and flirt with this boy who I thought was cute. He was going along with it and nodding so I thought it was working. Then he opened his mouth and I realized he didn't speak English. FML
Today, I saw a cute girl at a night club. When I approached her and introduced myself, she said "Don't you remember me? We danced here last weekend... but you were smashed that night". I cheekily replied "Oh really? That's hot, what happened next?" She said "You were hitting on me. So, I left." FML
Today, I was making out with some girl at a party and noticed that she wasn't very good at it. I tried to say, "You kiss like a 16 year-old doing it for the first time" but ended up saying, "You kiss like a 16 year-old." Upon saying that, a dozen people turned and looked at me, giving weird looks. FML
Today, I was making out with this hot girl at a party. She was a bad kisser and I meant to say, "It's like you're 16 and don't know how to kiss" but it came out as, "It's like I'm kissing a 16 year-old." The room fell silent and she got off my lap with a disturbed look on her face. FML
Today, I saw a cute girl at a bar and decided to go and chat her up. After charming her with my usual crap for a while, I told her she was really pretty, and asked for her number. She replied, "You asshole, I met you here a year ago and gave you my number, and you never called me." FML
Today, I took this gorgeous girl from work to eat at Olive Garden. I was trying to be romantic and had the waiter bring two glasses of wine. I guess she doesn't really drink wine, she covered her fettucini Alfredo in vomit. After dinner, she thanked me with a french kiss. FML
Today, I was talking to my best friend about a cute guy that girls are afraid to even speak to, so I then decided to march right up to him and say hello. When he smiled at me, I stood there with my mouth wide open, but I made non-coherent words. He asked me if I was a foreign exchange student. FML
Today, I found out that my German wasn't as great as I thought it was. Trying to give directions to some German tourists, I tried to say, "I hope I don't get you lost." Turns out I actually said something closer to, "I hope I don't seduce you." FML
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Top comments
Lisa McComb 10
Hey at least you found out that she was attractive on the outside but ugly within right away. Congrats- you probably saved yourself money and heartache. (Experience speaking). Buy yourself a drink!
RichardPencil 32
You’re lucky she verbalized that right away. Lots of girls would let an ugly kiss-ass buy them a few drinks and score some drugs for them, then jump out the ladies’ room window.
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Comments (8)
Lisa McComb 10
Hey at least you found out that she was attractive on the outside but ugly within right away. Congrats- you probably saved yourself money and heartache. (Experience speaking). Buy yourself a drink!
RichardPencil 32
You’re lucky she verbalized that right away. Lots of girls would let an ugly kiss-ass buy them a few drinks and score some drugs for them, then jump out the ladies’ room window.
Lobby_Bee 18
Crazy girls have no nationality.
parangaricutirimicuaro 6
I've had similar experiences when I lived in Mexico with American tourists
Dave_Davington 34
Someone in a nightclub is superficial. Wow, there's a twist no one could possibly have seen coming.
Luke16eirb7deneuwn1 20
So? Did you respond in english?
Shabnam Moghal 14
Dodged a bullet there!
Miss_Whipped 43
Hey at least you were trying to be bold. A lot of guys can't even manage that, so don't let this experience take that away from you.