Anonymous
New York, United States
Today, I woke to my drunk mother trying to vacuum the lawn. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
FunTimes
Canada
Today, my mom got drunk and tried to push me off a ladder. FML
Deadcat101
This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff
Winnipeg, Canada
Home sweet home
Today, my unemployed mother decided to yet again stay home and drink heavily. So far she's kicked me out of the house, tipped over our sofa, and thrown her vibrator out the window. FML
driverboy
United States
Today, I had to pick up and drive home a couple of drunk bitches. Unfortunately, one of these drunk bitches was my mother. FML
ouch
United States
Today, my mom got drunk and punched me in the nose, then yelled at me for bleeding on the carpet. FML
Ohkourt
Mommy dearest
Today, I woke up only to find my half-naked drunk mother in my living room, talking in her sleep about how much she hates me. She still doesn't see what's wrong with this picture. FML
AnastasiyaNicholas
This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff
United States
Dazed and confused
Today, my drunken mother woke up after having passed out and yelled at me for ditching school. It took half an hour to explain that it's 5:00, and I've already been to school. FML
Anonymous
Canada
Get back here!
Today, my very drunk mother decided to run down the block naked, screaming at the top of her lungs, "She's trying to kill me!" as I followed behind her in my car, yelling for her to get in. FML
Anonymous
Mom! Stop!
Today, I woke up to my drunk mom trying to pee in the dresser drawer of our hotel, with my clothes in it. I woke up right in time to yell at her. Pants down and all. She started denying there were even clothes in there. FML
Anonymous
United Kingdom
It's just liquid fun
Today, I caught my mom trying to get secretly smashed out of her brain-box on booze at 8:00 a.m. FML
No-Sleep Nellie
Waterloo, United States
Today, my mother woke me up by loudly vacuuming the house. I had to work the next morning, so I asked her what she was thinking. She told me that if I was really tired and needed sleep, I wouldn't have woken up. It was 3 AM. FML
Top comments
BingleBop 18
At least the lawn is clean now?
ElementaryEdGuy 18
I need to clean my house. Maybe I should get drunk for motivation.
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Comments (129)
BingleBop 18
At least the lawn is clean now?
\ 28
Hopefully she isn't running the lawnmower in the house.
WordAficionada 19
Now the grass is bug free!
StillUsesMyspace 22
2 hours later.... #26: why am I on vine again?
184886837272837 32
My friends mom actually does this... she has severe OCD
katieemerr 15
I think OP's mum was secretly sober and just being extra clean.
sweetbliss3 37
shes just getting rid of those pesky leaves.
Saikon1357 25
People still use vine?
schhichick 14
thats one long extension cord!
badluckalex 23
yes. I do :D
DragonPorn 15
*Billy Mays voice* "Say hello to the all new OxiLawn, a new product that modernizes raking leaves by making your mum drunk."
LostMy_Marbles 24
I have vacuumed the lawn before, and I was sober!! But that was because I lost a small earring and couldn't see it so we got out the vacuum to pick up loose things in the grass and tipped it onto a mat.
incoherentrmblr 22
*Scottish guy for Scott's lawn care* "Brand new Scott's Lawn Vacuum. Cleans out harmful bugs and pesticides, and helps restore grass to it's healthiest and thickest. Make sure your mum is completely wasted before she uses it. Clean ya Lawn. Clean it!"
sempisaviour 17
#13 omfg I'm literally dying rn
DragonPorn 15
#88 "Oh no, we've been cloned!" White Chicks ref if you don't get it.
threer 30
#111- Never explain your references. Especially if they're irrelevant. Just because it's relevant to another FML as well doesn't make it relevant in this one. Shoo, fly,
DragonPorn 15
It's not irrelevant 122. I was saying that he made a comment after me with the same exact joke as mine, and he posted it a day after I did mine. So, that's where I got "cloned" from.
shady_fox77 13
I am actually impressed
\ 28
.
addictedtosorrow 12
Periods are for girls, Not for comments.
Shadowsofthedead 10
I'm not impressed in the slightest. So there.
Kamon97 23
Is she gonna mow the carpet now?
JJ_86 22
She was just cleaning some alcohol she spilled.
JBrownie123 24
Oh my god this is brilliant! My mum is a bit of an odd one and does things like this all of the time, sober. Bless her.
SgtAssCheeks 21
Are you sure your mother isn't suffering from Alzheimer or some other type of mental degenerative illness?
JBrownie123 24
Yes, she's an eccentric, and only in her mid-fourties. Also, since my nan got cancer she's been trying to live her life however the **** she wants, no holds barred.
odamaliekh 26
#49 , please stop acting like a douche.
Hiimhaileypotter 53
#49 I think YOU are the retard here.
RedPillSucks 33
Not that this is the case but there is such a thing as early onset Alzheimer's
alicat13 12
Or a nervous breakdown.
ElementaryEdGuy 18
I need to clean my house. Maybe I should get drunk for motivation.
juststephhere 23
You'd be surprised by how well it works
nlm92 15
Maybe if you wanna clean the liquor out of the bottle...
SemiAuto 21
Next she might mow the living room!
EverestMelting 23
Yeah, OP needs to go ahead and lock down that mower before tonight just in case..
cakefete2 31
Lock up the gardening tools too. She might try to plant a vegetable garden in the living room.
GEBEH 14
"Hey mom, It's the grass is always greener, not always cleaner on the other side, step into the house again you drunken wench"
amisenho 11
Only if the living room has shag carpet!
groovycrazyjoe 18
or weedeater her son
Sp1k3FML 14
Drunk helps with housework as you can see
Warmonger_Smurf 29
Better then her trying to mow the carpet in the living room.
cakefete2 31
Unless she has shag carpeting. In which case, make sure the John Deere has gas.
Warmonger_Smurf 29
Well that's one way to cut down shag carpet. Too bad it does nothing for the horrible shade of green.
GEBEH 14
A new definition of spring cleaning
thatruthisme 3
You sure she was just drunk?
electrorange 13
Was she at the Space Bar?
Futacy 30
...huh?
rocker_chick105 31
They were making a reference to the vacuums in space and the vacuum cleaner. Although it wasn't a very good one.