Today, my drunken mother woke up after having passed out and yelled at me for ditching school. It took half an hour to explain that it's 5:00, and I've already been to school. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to go pick up my mother at 3 in the morning. She had been out drinking and couldn't drive. She parties more than I do. FML
Today, I woke to my drunk mother trying to vacuum the lawn. FML
Today, after getting home from a twelve-hour shift at work, I got into bed and passed out. My mother soon woke me up, screaming that she could tell I was "fake sleeping" and ignoring her lecture on how I need to stop being so "lazy". FML
Today, my mom left the house in the morning, leaving me alone. I called and I got no answer. Hours later, she finally answers one of my calls and tells me that she'd been in an AA meeting all this time. Happy, I tell her to come home. She came home drunk. FML
Today, I was trying to sneak home from a party. Instead, I head-butted a glass door and woke my mother up. FML
Today, I woke up only to find my half-naked drunk mother in my living room, talking in her sleep about how much she hates me. She still doesn't see what's wrong with this picture. FML
Today, I left a concert with my drunk mother who had spilled beer all over my shirt. I drove her home and she slept it off. Later, my mom "found" my shirt in the laundry and grounded me for drinking behind her back. She won't believe me that it was her. FML
Today, I caught my mom trying to get secretly smashed out of her brain-box on booze at 8:00 a.m. FML
Today, I had to pick up and drive home a couple of drunk bitches. Unfortunately, one of these drunk bitches was my mother. FML
Today, I had a show with my drama group. My mom isn't a good drunk, she decided to scream along to every song and pass out halfway through. She was in the front row. FML
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Top comments
tellithowitis 13
Don't even try to explain... No use.
McMan 23
Tell her school was canceled for national alcohol abuse awareness day and that they were coming to get her. May provide some entertainment.
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Comments (90)
tellithowitis 13
Don't even try to explain... No use.
MuziKMajoR 5
And I graduated and I'm married thanks for missing my life mom I hate u *walks up the stairs in anger*
ClassyCommando 13
Graduated, married and still living with his alcoholic mother? Sounds like a recipe for fail.
lebronesque73091 12
Moms...
naughtia 14
Just smile and nod next time, don't waste half an hour
Gbtel 0
Anyone else realize that the 18th was a Saturday?
dreamer9614 3
I posted that the day I saw this lol but it's not on here!
perdix 31
I hope you're going to bartending school. Your mom could sure use your skills and she could help you with your homework -- a great mother-daughter bonding opportunity.
1awliet 8
I didn't know bartending schools existed.
LightningCactus 12
You sir, have not lived.
perdix 31
#33, Yes, you can get a doctoral degree in Mixology. When you find an M.D. that can whip up a Harvey Wallbanger, you're dealing with a bartending school graduate.
conqueror57 11
All M.D.s have been to medical school. A Ph.D. Perhaps.
perdix 31
M. D. can stand either for Medicinae Doctor or Mixologiae Doctor. The confusion is cleared up once the martini is poured.
kingsley_fml 8
Did she get it by 5:30?
ollie179 21
Well aren't you a mathematical genius?
kingsley_fml 8
Lol, I was confused as to whether she started at 4:30 and it ended up turning 5:00 or if she started this nonsense at 5:00. No need to get snotty over FML.
AssassinsCRB 0
^ ????
maronofhearts 19
Why would she take a half hour to explain it was 5 if it was 4:30? Think before you post
ZealIFeel 7
Why is that an important detail? Haha
biggestfan23 11
Your mom is a bad role model. Fyl OP
DontModMeDammit 10
It's 5 o'clock somewhere!
GovernorGeneral 8
Lol homer said something like that in an episode but i forget most of it xD
LunaDragon 10
#5 Alan Jackson?
FMLbeginner 0
It's also happy hour somewhere... But not here. [takes another swig]
Blue_berry_594 0
Sucks to suck. I wouldn't have tried to explain...
AdamBasebal69 0
Its 5 o'clock in the morning.
Geddeson 4
The conversation got boring
flockz 20
i masterbated into a sock.
natashax21 5
So I snuck off to your bedroom.
flockz 20
then it clogged my washer.
sinking_fish 12
Lmfao... "It's five in the morning. Conversation got boring. I masturbated in a sock. So, I snuck off to your bedroom. Then it clogged my washer."...I don't think that's how the song goes sillies! :p
questionsarecool 10
I can emphasize with OP... The same thing happened with me before my parents passed on. Except for me it was 7:00pm.
lawlwhut 5
You mean sympathise.
micahsmommy 13
No she means empathize.
smallsmerry123 5
Show her your homework, call her a bitch, and leave.
xxmel 6
We have a badass over here.
Red_Wing_Nut44 14
Beer: the cause of and solution to all life's problems.