Today, I witnessed my karate instructor whimper and practically piss himself as a guy walked up to him in the street and demanded his wallet. What a total waste of hundreds of dollars' worth of lessons. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Today, at martial arts practice, a guest sensei wanted to teach me some "manners". He pinned me down and proceded to choke me while crushing my nuts with his hands and yelling at me in front of the whole class, "DOES THAT HURT?!!?" FML
Give peace a chance
Today, I found out that my mom withdrew me from karate at the insistence of my my fucking stepdad, who's a wimpy sissy pacifist who is against violence. I was so close to getting my black belt. FML
Dad joke
Today, I came down with sudden diarrhea while at Tae kwon do practice. I discreetly called my dad for a pickup, but on our way out, he told my instructor that I had to go because I was "shitting my pants with fear." He did this in front of all my classmates. FML
Captain Badass
Today, a man pulled me violently into an alleyway and informed me I was being mugged. Being a body-builder, I said, "Oh yeah? Go on then." He kicked my ass in a matter of seconds, stole my wallet, then farted on my bruised face. He called me a wimp. FML
Ouch
Today, in my karate dojo, I was being taught how to fall properly. My sensei instructed us not to fall with our hands out because it could sprain our wrists. As I was getting ready to help demonstrate a backwards break fall, I actually fell over. Guess where my hands went. FML
Today, I was showing some new karate moves in the park to my friends. I mimed a punch behind a girl walking past to show my technique and control, but she must have seen me. She turned around and kicked me in the stomach. To add insult to injury, her technique was better than mine. FML
Today, I threw a punch at my sensei like he told me to, except he failed to block it like he assured me he would. Now I'm banned from his classes and I'm pretty sure he's going to get the police involved. FML
Today, my own dog bit me quite severely when I was in the middle of teaching a dog obedience class. Everyone had a good laugh at me and in the past few hours 4 of them have contacted me to let me know they won't be attending future lessons and that they'd like to get their money back. FML
MMA FML
Today, I decided to challenge the jerk jock at work to a fight, since he kept poking fun at me for being a weakling. Having started taking MMA classes, I was confident I'd make him eat his words. Just my luck, he's an MMA instructor and kicked my ass effortlessly. Not what I had planned. FML
Today, I was helping a 7 year-old student in my martial arts class with his kicks. My reward? A surprisingly powerful kick to the testicles. FML
Top comments
michiganfool32 9
Well go rob him for your money back. Apparently it's pretty easy.
simsimbeep 13
And you didn't do anything either....?
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Comments (50)
Thors_Hammer9999 17
did you know there is absolutely no regulations as to when you can open a Dojo?...that means that some guy who never got a blue belt can go put on a black belt and open a dojo before he ever masters the art? making the color system useless
drfifi 12
Thats not true at all you have to have be registered with karate clubs (which are unlikely to register you If youre not a black belt) you need crb checks first aid qualifications, insurance (again insurance companies would insure an inexperienced practisioner) and numerous other qualifications to 'coach'/teach karate especially to children.
pl0xs3rver 45
Oh, you read nowyoukno too?
dyehardxen 19
And you didn't help?
droid1126 25
@31 Hah. Penal code
throwawaynumber1 2
Created an account just to dispel the sheer amount of uneducated opinions. Self defence does not dictate you always fight back. Show me where it says you should? You get out of a situation alive and unharmed? Congrats, you just defended yourself by taking the most efficient road to safety. Fighting should ONLY be used when you are certain, without violence, you (or another person) are not coming out unharmed. Is $100 really worth your life? God no, chuck it on the ground in front of the mugger and start moving away from them; it's just too risky, there are too many unknown variables in play. Secondly, no where is there a rule that great teachers must be great fighters. Yes, it's definitely better to be both, but you do not need to. You can be a crap fighter but fantastic teacher (the ability to connect and make students understand concepts is actually incredibly difficult), you can also be a great fighter and crap teacher. Furthermore, being trained in any form of fighting system you become HEAVILY scrutinized that you did not use excessive force. Many people have gone from defender to aggressor from counter attacking too much. The first thing that should be taught in self defence is how to get mugged properly (yes, you CAN get mugged badly, or you can give yourself slightly better odds). Don't freeze (mental training), don't give them any identifiable information if possible (drivers licence), don't care about keeping money/jewelry etc, give them what they want and get away as fast as possible (do not just stand there after you've given them your stuff like a deer in headlights). Half the time muggers are just as nervous as their targets, one wrong move on a jumpy mugger with a knife and you get stabbed. The other half have a routine they follow (they have practice at it), if you do what they want without causing an issue, they will usually get out before committing a larger crime which WILL get the hunted by the law. So many arm chair critics posting here with completely unrealistic comments. The disconnect from reality is incredible, and if anyone takes your opinion they could get seriously hurt.
drfifi 12
Karate isntstreet fighting... And if your opponent isnt using karate moves then the blocks meant to conteract specific moves wont be as effective. Plus if its one thing theyve taught us at karate (even if they happen to be doing a class of street fighting) that if a mugger asks for your wallet dont fight them and generally give it to them.
SillyBeanie 8
everyone reacts to robbery different, some panic (like I did when the place I work at got rob) and your mind goes blank. You don't think about fighting back or trying to be a hero, you just get scared and confused. It feels you don't know what to do, and you don't want to get harmed. Cut him some slack, if you took karate for just fighting back you did it for the wrong reason
Burberryhype 20
OP,that is the time where you show the man the karate skills that you have learnt in front of your teacher.
joeynailz 4
get a jiu jitsu teacher
Stefanie88 24
When you're in a situation like that it's a whole other dynamic. No matter how prepared you are you never are truly prepared.
Loboman 6
Your first lesson that karate sucks. Brazilian Jujitsu is more worth the money.
SasaCeceGogo 18
It's called Capoeira (I'm Brazilian so I know :D).