Today, I overheard my dad say "Last time I didn't use a condom, I ended up with Steven, so for god's sake use 'em." I'm Steven. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while having a serious talk with my father, he said, "Son, you're only alive because of a faulty, off-brand condom." FML
Today, my dad gave me the sex talk. After telling me all the stuff I already knew, he told me never to use Durex condoms. He said, "They break a lot. That's the only reason you're around today, really." then chuckled to himself. FML
Today, my parents told me that they had planned two kids (my older siblings) and I was born because my father "thought" that he was wearing a condom. FML
Today, I was working in bed when my boyfriend stumbled in, drunk as hell. He got on top of me saying he wanted sex. After a moment, he paused and said, “Sorry, I thought you were Stephen.” I’m a girl. Stephen is my father. FML
Today, I told my dad I was going to Walgreens and asked if he needed anything. He needed condoms, and that I should call him when I get there so he can explain the kind he likes. FML
Today, my dad handed me my refilled birth control prescription. I thanked him, and he replied, "Well, God forbid you run out and reproduce." FML
Today, I mentioned to my dad (we have a close relationship) that my last condom had expired. Happy to buy me new ones for the sake of safe sex, he asked me "Do you need small, or extra small?" FML
Today, my dad told me he had been seeing someone for a while and has decided to marry her. When I met her, her son looked familiar. I lost my virginity to him. FML
Today, I went into my older brother's room to get a condom. This happened the other day too when my boyfriend forgot one. So I went in and there was a note that said, "Stop using my condoms. And your boyfriend sounds like a girl when he climaxes." FML
Today, I accidentally said the wrong name during sex. An ex? A friend? A side guy? Nope, none of those. I called him “Dad”. FML
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Top comments
CurvyisCool 22
I'm sure it wasn't meant to be that... Offensive. I mean, kids cost money.
kendallfireHD 16
Well at least you slipped through.
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Comments (57)
that_arian 9
First
kendallfireHD 16
Well at least you slipped through.
CurvyisCool 22
I'm sure it wasn't meant to be that... Offensive. I mean, kids cost money.
lnheritance 19
Well according to statistics, kids are dicks.
skyeyez9 25
If you do not raise children right, they are assholes.
Bluekaren16 19
They cost around a quarter of a million to raise in the U.S.
Marie54321 19
Don't worry, I was the accident child also. At least your parents didn't say it straight to your face like mine did
persianjr 15
Well I'm sure it's not much more pleasant hearing them scream it at someone else..
Smiley_70 22
My sister told me that she told my mother to abort ne
cjwayy 22
I was a surprise :P
juturnaamo 29
How about a baby book from "The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey"? Because that's what we went with for our surprise baby.
sarah_baby22 15
He was probably joking if you were around... However if you weren't then FYL!
YepThatsMeee 23
And why would he be "around" when his parents were having sex?
slyde32 12
I think the term "overheard" suggests he wasn't around when it was said, or at least as far as his dad knew
CrazyLaughs4Me 17
Seems like he is very grateful to have you.
Freethaawave 19
Well, take that as a lesson, Steven.
JMichael 26
For God's sake Steven, use a condom!
annarcheer 19
I'm sure he didn't mean it like that
Brandi_Faith 34
Ya, it sounds like he was talking to someone (possibly a teenager or college kid) who wasn't using condoms and was explaining how easily one can get pregnant. It only takes one time without a condom to get pregnant. It may have been a mistake at the time, but I bet it's the best mistake he ever made!
amberr_harperr 15
he's giving to life lessons. listen closely
martin8337 36
OUCH!!