Today, I went to my local pool. I lay down in a chair and started tanning. About 30 minutes later, a lady came up to me and said, "Put that away, you pervert, there are children here!" I had a hole in my pants and my penis had started to poke through. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went to the pool. When I hit the water the top of my swimsuit came off so I tried to put it on underwater. The lifeguard thought I was drowning and pulled me out in front of everyone. Topless. FML
Today, I went swimming at a public pool. When I dove in, my speedos decided they’d had enough of me and slipped right off. I spent a minute underwater debating my life choices before realizing they’d floated to the shallow end, right next to a group of giggling kids. FML
Today, working as a life guard, I walked through the changing room to go back to the pool. On the way, a naked old man started up a conversation with me. We talked for 10 minutes about pool chemicals, while his penis wobbled around with every small movement. This happens all the time. FML
Today, I went to the pool with my son. One moment I'm sitting down, applying sunscreen to my legs, and the next I look up to see him squatting on the diving board, seconds before dropping a deuce into the pool. As we got kicked out, he screamed that it was my fault. FML
Today, I got naked in front of a girl for the first time. Too bad it happened when my "friends" pulled down my swimsuit at a party. Everyone saw my penis. I got a boner. FML
Today, sun was shining and I felt confident enough to go sunbathing at the beach. In only my bikini and towel, I laid out to get some sun. A while later, a little girl came up to me and said, "Aren't you embarrassed that you're so huge?" FML
Today, I went to the beach. While I was swimming, I noticed a few really hot guys passing. Trying to be sexy, I slowly got out of the water, showing off my body. I showed a bit more than I expected when I realized my bikini bottom had fallen off. FML
Today, while working as a lifeguard, a kid took a dump in the pool. When I told everyone to clear the pool so we could clean it, another kid promptly stared at me, stood at the shallow end right where I was standing, pulled down his trunks, and peed on my feet. FML
Today, I went to the pool with my new white bathers. I felt really good about myself because everyone was staring at me until this hot guy came up to me and said "Dude, your bathers are see-through. You need to shave!" FML
Today, I caught my elderly neighbour skinny-dipping in my pool. FML
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Top comments
caitiebug1119 15
Your life sucks, but I gotta ask: did you not feel a breeze or something down there?
flashback.miss 28
Parents jumping to conclusions, @@ but yeah, 1 has a point, didn't you feel a draft or was it warm at the pool? Hopefully you explained and things worked out okay. Just take a lesson to double check your clothes next time. :)
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Comments (112)
tehdarkness 21
You must have been having a nice dream!
KiddoKS 19
He was dreaming about Velveeta... Yum.
KiddoKS 19
You've been doing a little too much thrift shopping ;)
Needafarm 22
In Texas you are allowed to have a"concealed weapon", too bad you didn't really conceal it very well.
frip_fml 9
Unleash the beast.
imtooshy 18
Is your penis now tanned too?
imtooshy 18
^^^i was a bit late on my question, sorry, someone beat me to it :(
kross_reach 17
Looks like your penis likes to play peek-a-boo
olpally 33
Is that you Quagmire? Lol.
WildWonder808 14
Why was she looking so damn hard!
ThaddeusHarris 3
You deserved it, what kind of jackass doesn't realize there's a hole in his pants?
Tonasharkman 14
That line is in spongebob