Today, I went to my girlfriend's Catholic all girls high school to ask her to prom by decorating her car. As soon as I walked on campus the school went into lock down because of a "suspicious male intruder." When I saw my girlfriend, she denied knowing me. I was arrested. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, a girl I've been talking to online for a while asked me if I wanted to meet her in person. Two hours of driving later, I end up at her house. When she opened the door, she screamed and called the cops on me. While detained, she called my phone asking why I never showed up today. FML
Today, I went to visit teachers at the high school I graduated from 3 months ago as valedictorian. Turns out, I had an expired parking permit, and I didn't properly get a visitor pass. The school went into a "yellow lockdown" because of me. My car was towed. I got arrested for trespassing. FML
Today, I decided to surprise my girlfriend at work. Because she was "bored and didn't feel like seeing me" she thought it would be funny to call security and claim that I was stalking her. There is now a picture of my face at her workplace, and anytime I "pester her again" the cops will show up. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to have fun at school. So, we went into the locker room. We were making out for a couple minutes when the door opened. It was the principal, who also happens to be her dad. FML
Today, I was in school when I spotted my girlfriend in the hallway. I wanted to be all romantic and grab her like guys do in movies. I grabbed her wrist forcefully and pulled her out of the crowd. As I quickly leaned in to kiss her, I broke her nose. FML
Today, I went to the dentist in the same building my wife works. I decided to leave a love note on her car to surprise her. I'm currently being held by security, waiting on the cops, on suspicion of stalking. FML
Today, I went to meet my girlfriend's parents at her sister's play. The moment I introduced myself, I realized that her father was my probation officer. FML
Today, I tried sneaking over to my girlfriend's house to be romantic and knocked on her window. She went and got her mother to see who was at the window. FML
Today, I snuck into my boyfriend's house because I knew his parents wouldn't be there. Later, I woke up in a hospital bed because his sister thought I was a burglar and tased me. FML
Today, I asked a girl to prom by having 5 friends hold up signs saying "P-R-O-M-?" while I snuck up behind her. She said yes... to my friend holding the "?", who she thought was the one asking her. FML
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Top comments
ombrelle 0
how can you still call her your girlfriend? She clearly doesn't care about you I mean she got you arrested!
Carnivaldead 0
Might want to consider getting a new girlfriend.
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Comments (233)
makjon86 0
What a bitch. Guess who's not going to prom with you now? Yes, thats right. Her.
meeeep 0
shes probably lesbian..
genius_man16 1
Yeah, time for a new girlfriend there buddy.
Figureskater_15 0
I would be like " yes hes my boyfriend" and give him a chance to explain himself. But thats soo sweet of the way you asked her to go to prom with youu. sure id be embarassed but hes my boyfriend. (in theory btw)
paperfox_fml 0
She does sound like a bit of a bitch. But you do sound like a bit of an idiot. Why would decorating someone's car = prom invitation? Is this some obscure American custom?
davidomke 0
44, she has a lot to chose from :D
Moomoomoo_fml 0
and i thought my school was insane...
itsgen 16
that stupid bitch!! what a stupid school too dump that hoe!
USNA_Midshipman 0
break up with the stupid bitch and go to prom with a better looking girl and 47, its the creativity that a guy puts into asking a girl to prom that makes him stand out from every other guy. im pretty sure you would ask a girl (or a guy) over instant messaging....
mahler5trumpet 0
[insert witty comment about Catholic school and Judas here]