Today, I went to lick the excess peanut butter off the knife after making a PB and J. Turns out the knife can and will cut your tongue, even though you don't think it will. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, as I was trying to remove my lunch from the hot oven tray, my finger brushed against the metal for a moment, and I instinctively put it in my mouth. I burnt my tongue, on my finger. I didn't realize that was possible. FML
Today, I learned how to sharpen a knife. I sharpened it so well that it went through my finger like a lightsaber. FML
Today, I had a massive craving for peanut butter and jelly. While making a sandwich, the jar slipped from my hands, bounced off the counter, and exploded all over my kitchen. Now I have peanut butter and jelly in places I didn't even know existed. FML
Today, I was washing dishes after eating Christmas leftovers. I pulled a knife out of the drying rack and put it away to avoid cutting myself on it, yet I still managed to scrape my thumb on an errant fork in the sink. FML
Today, I learned that no matter how much you want the Nutella, it's never a good idea to deep-throat the knife. FML
Today, I cut myself with a butter knife while trying to get a piece of brownie from a pan. I don't think I was meant to survive on Earth for very long. FML
Today, I managed to cut myself twice with a Swiss army knife. Stabbed in one hand and sliced a finger on the other. Good to know it's super sharp. FML
Today, I cut my finger at work while chopping some vegetables. I grabbed the nearest rag I could to stop the bleeding and put it on the cut. I didn't know the rag had just been used to clean up a lemon juice spill. FML
Today, I was trying to flirt with the guy I like using body language, so I leaned over this counter in a sensual way. I happened to have a fork, so I went to bite the tip that sexy way people do in movies. I accidentally stabbed myself in the lip, cutting it. My lunch had jalapeños in it. FML
Today, I had so much skin peeling off my lips that it got caught in my fork as I was eating. FML
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Top comments
JesseJaymz 0
you didn't think a knife made to cut things could cut u?
kraykray_fml 0
duh. thats pretty obvious it a KNIFE...
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Comments (364)
FyourLIFEdotCOM8 0
no shit Sherlock it's a knife.
josh23c 0
you call that a knife?! THIS is a knife!
SAYwhatFML 0
ouchh, thats a fail.
josh23c 0
I don't advise makin sandwiches with a samuri sword
Samantha_baby 0
lol win^^
Baby2000 0
What an idiot.
PeaceLoveAmelia6 0
Well, no kidding, OP! Did you really expect otherwise?! Licking a knife = cutting your tongue = common sense!
Smyth 3
yeah...you wayyy past deserve that.
blackllama 0
are you talking about a butter knife or a steam knife?
kittykataclysm 0
lol why would you think it wouldn't cut your tongue?! unless it wasn't even on the sharp side? in that case, you're just plain talented :) congrats!
loski87 4
are you retarded
nikemike 0
who knew knives were dangerous?