Today, I went to lick the excess peanut butter off the knife after making a PB and J. Turns out the knife can and will cut your tongue, even though you don't think it will. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, as I was trying to remove my lunch from the hot oven tray, my finger brushed against the metal for a moment, and I instinctively put it in my mouth. I burnt my tongue, on my finger. I didn't realize that was possible. FML
Today, I learned how to sharpen a knife. I sharpened it so well that it went through my finger like a lightsaber. FML
Today, I had a massive craving for peanut butter and jelly. While making a sandwich, the jar slipped from my hands, bounced off the counter, and exploded all over my kitchen. Now I have peanut butter and jelly in places I didn't even know existed. FML
Today, I was washing dishes after eating Christmas leftovers. I pulled a knife out of the drying rack and put it away to avoid cutting myself on it, yet I still managed to scrape my thumb on an errant fork in the sink. FML
Today, I learned that no matter how much you want the Nutella, it's never a good idea to deep-throat the knife. FML
Today, I cut myself with a butter knife while trying to get a piece of brownie from a pan. I don't think I was meant to survive on Earth for very long. FML
Today, I managed to cut myself twice with a Swiss army knife. Stabbed in one hand and sliced a finger on the other. Good to know it's super sharp. FML
Today, I cut my finger at work while chopping some vegetables. I grabbed the nearest rag I could to stop the bleeding and put it on the cut. I didn't know the rag had just been used to clean up a lemon juice spill. FML
Today, I was trying to flirt with the guy I like using body language, so I leaned over this counter in a sensual way. I happened to have a fork, so I went to bite the tip that sexy way people do in movies. I accidentally stabbed myself in the lip, cutting it. My lunch had jalapeños in it. FML
Today, I had so much skin peeling off my lips that it got caught in my fork as I was eating. FML
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Top comments
JesseJaymz 0
you didn't think a knife made to cut things could cut u?
kraykray_fml 0
duh. thats pretty obvious it a KNIFE...
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Comments (364)
rainbowhobos 4
you raise a valid point... o.o
Samantha_baby 0
haha thanks! how often are new FMLs posted?
iCommentFML 0
Man thats how emo's do it! Whn their not lazy lol...
goddessunleashed 0
Lick it from the blunt side, not the sharp side. Or take a spoon and scrape it off, silly.
Samantha_baby 0
op isn't smart enough to go grab a spoon.. they were obviously thinking what are the odds in cutting your tongue..
goddessunleashed 0
Ironically.
a_lexstbbs2o11 0
-- didn't you get the memo ? the knife is no longer the new spoon ... ydi :/
ninjacapo 2
why would u lick the blade of the knife
fisheatsbear 6
its gots the sticky good stuff on it, duh
PimpdaddyCJT 13
wow ur pic is an epic fail
lunatick1 5
ouch!, first thing that came to mind was - peanut butter jelly time..
lorenzobalderas 0
duh u have to lick the sides and point your tounge so u don't get cut
calikush 0
I'm confused, where was your girlfriend and why wasn't she making the sammich
eaglesfan654 0
fail