Today, I went to lick the excess peanut butter off the knife after making a PB and J. Turns out the knife can and will cut your tongue, even though you don't think it will. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, as I was trying to remove my lunch from the hot oven tray, my finger brushed against the metal for a moment, and I instinctively put it in my mouth. I burnt my tongue, on my finger. I didn't realize that was possible. FML
Today, I learned how to sharpen a knife. I sharpened it so well that it went through my finger like a lightsaber. FML
Today, I had a massive craving for peanut butter and jelly. While making a sandwich, the jar slipped from my hands, bounced off the counter, and exploded all over my kitchen. Now I have peanut butter and jelly in places I didn't even know existed. FML
Today, I was washing dishes after eating Christmas leftovers. I pulled a knife out of the drying rack and put it away to avoid cutting myself on it, yet I still managed to scrape my thumb on an errant fork in the sink. FML
Today, I learned that no matter how much you want the Nutella, it's never a good idea to deep-throat the knife. FML
Today, I cut myself with a butter knife while trying to get a piece of brownie from a pan. I don't think I was meant to survive on Earth for very long. FML
Today, I managed to cut myself twice with a Swiss army knife. Stabbed in one hand and sliced a finger on the other. Good to know it's super sharp. FML
Today, I cut my finger at work while chopping some vegetables. I grabbed the nearest rag I could to stop the bleeding and put it on the cut. I didn't know the rag had just been used to clean up a lemon juice spill. FML
Today, I was trying to flirt with the guy I like using body language, so I leaned over this counter in a sensual way. I happened to have a fork, so I went to bite the tip that sexy way people do in movies. I accidentally stabbed myself in the lip, cutting it. My lunch had jalapeños in it. FML
Today, I had so much skin peeling off my lips that it got caught in my fork as I was eating. FML
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Top comments
JesseJaymz 0
you didn't think a knife made to cut things could cut u?
kraykray_fml 0
duh. thats pretty obvious it a KNIFE...
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Comments (364)
ynnhoj 2
that's what knifes do, they ******* cut. op sounds like a real genius. by the way how do you spell genius
d4m4s74 12
I lick steak knives all the time. and those are so sharp you can cut open your finger by holding it incorrectly. and I NEVER EVER cut my tongue. I juggle those knives too, so I know they're sharp
Rick_S 3
My 9 year old knows not to lick knives. YDI
e4usmc 0
OP, I wonder if you would use the same mentality on a weapon? If so, I think I got your next FML... Today, I went to check if my pistol was loaded by looking through the barrel of the gun. Turns out it was loaded when my finger accidently touched the trigger and will kill you even though you don't think it will. FML jk lol...don't take this too seriously!
sierratwister 0
I ALWAYS lick the peanut butter off the (blunt) butter knife after making a sandwich. It's very very hard to cut yourself on a butter knife. Unlikely that the OP would have been using a steak knife, because it's too hard not to rip up the bread with it, and unnecessary. Even then I've licked steak knives before and not cut my tongue. It's just a chance accident with butter knives.
ace12294 0
shooting urself in the head can and will kill u even if u r sdtupid enough to think it won't
superwill 0
dumbass
SuperNinjaa 0
ydi for forgetting how sharp knifes are. next time... USE A SPOON
kiss_1214 17
Lol my dad screams at us if we don't use a spoon in the PBS…… he's obsessed with his penut butter………
SuperNinjaa 0
ydi for forgetting how sharp knifes are. next time... USE A SPOON
SuperNinjaa 0
ydi for forgetting how sharp knifes are. next time... USE A SPOON