Today, I was trying to flirt with the guy I like using body language, so I leaned over this counter in a sensual way. I happened to have a fork, so I went to bite the tip that sexy way people do in movies. I accidentally stabbed myself in the lip, cutting it. My lunch had jalapeños in it. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I saw a cute guy walking out of a restaurant. When he saw me, he smiled and to be a bit flirty I bit my lip. Too bad it started to bleed like hell. FML
Today, I was sitting with my crush at lunch. Trying to flirt, I tried to stare seductively into his eyes while sucking on my straw. I missed. The straw shot straight up my nose, causing me the worst nose bleed of my life. FML
Today, while on a date with the guy of my dreams, I cut my tongue so bad it bled for an hour. I managed to cut it on the plastic spoon from my coffee. FML
Today, I had so much skin peeling off my lips that it got caught in my fork as I was eating. FML
Today, I was on a date and tried to act seductive and mysterious by slowly sipping my drink while making eye contact with him. I misjudged the straw’s length and location and ended up poking myself in the eye. FML
Today, I ate at Chipotle. There was a girl sitting alone, so I asked if I could eat lunch with her. She said yes, and as I sat down I tried to open my bag of chips. When trying to do so, my hand slipped, and I punched myself in the face. She laughed, and promptly left. FML
Today, while at Costco, I was eating a hotdog when I saw a really hot guy walking over. Trying to be sexy, I bit my hotdog cutely and winked. I ended up choking and dropping the ketchup covered hotdog all over my lap. FML
Today, I went on a date with someone I really like. Midway through dinner, I felt something stuck in my teeth and, trying to be discreet, attempted to remove it. In the process, I flicked a piece of food across the table and it landed in his drink. He looked at it, then at me, then sighed. FML
Today, after my first dinner with my new girlfriend, I was using a toothpick when I fell, stabbing the roof of my mouth. She then laughed at me, as there was so much blood. FML
Today, I was carrying a hot cup of noodles. I sneezed and accidentally stabbed myself in the forehead with a fork. FML
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Top comments
Blue33_fml 0
YDI for trying too hard
nautical 0
Smoooooooooooth
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Comments (99)
nautical 0
Smoooooooooooth
DomoCullen 0
yeah, reeeeaaaal smooth buthaha sucks for u. u should have just done verbal flirting or something.
Atmaster 3
op fail for thinking jalepenos are hot
Atmaster 3
sorry I meant jalapeños
Melaniee_fml 0
I don't think you can sexily bite a fork.
oxker 7
Go ahead and rub jalapeños on an open wound and tell me how it feels
Blue33_fml 0
YDI for trying too hard
tysta 0
Flirting on FML is a instant ydi. 3rd :>
Edwinadii 4
Saying your number of comment on FML is an instant thumbs down. *Thumbs Down *
gaby904 0
ouch.. but YDI.. this is like the 100th FML about things going wrong while people try to "flirt".. getting old
rukusrazor 0
Sooo... you cut your lip, then ordered a lunch that had jalapenos in it? What part is the FML? Did you not order jalapenos? Also, learn to spell jalapenos. /jalapenos.
DomoCullen 0
#5 the jalapeños juice was on the fork and got in the cut
cherry_blossom 0
ydi for sure..next time don't be stupid. don't try too hard. dumb.
Jaywin 3
Wow...you were trying WAY too hard. That goes beyond just flirting into the "throwing yourself at him" stage.
Indiana_fml 4
Haha, that never happens in the movies. But it should.
rice_cake 0
Hahaha your silly :) Never try to imitate things out of movies. It never looks as good in real life.. just put on. Instead, next time have sex with him with your eyes. Trust me.. it works!
kingbeau 0
Biting a fork is not sexy.... Should it be? And who flirts with body language? I might just be dense but I'm a lot less likely to notice an actual message in body language than I would be to notice if the person... I don't know... actually said it! Seriously, body language is all well and good, but its mostly subconscious isn't it? If you're trying too hard to fake body language then its just going to look stupid...