Today, I went to lick the excess peanut butter off the knife after making a PB and J. Turns out the knife can and will cut your tongue, even though you don't think it will. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, as I was trying to remove my lunch from the hot oven tray, my finger brushed against the metal for a moment, and I instinctively put it in my mouth. I burnt my tongue, on my finger. I didn't realize that was possible. FML
Today, I learned how to sharpen a knife. I sharpened it so well that it went through my finger like a lightsaber. FML
Today, I had a massive craving for peanut butter and jelly. While making a sandwich, the jar slipped from my hands, bounced off the counter, and exploded all over my kitchen. Now I have peanut butter and jelly in places I didn't even know existed. FML
Today, I was washing dishes after eating Christmas leftovers. I pulled a knife out of the drying rack and put it away to avoid cutting myself on it, yet I still managed to scrape my thumb on an errant fork in the sink. FML
Today, I learned that no matter how much you want the Nutella, it's never a good idea to deep-throat the knife. FML
Today, I cut myself with a butter knife while trying to get a piece of brownie from a pan. I don't think I was meant to survive on Earth for very long. FML
Today, I managed to cut myself twice with a Swiss army knife. Stabbed in one hand and sliced a finger on the other. Good to know it's super sharp. FML
Today, I cut my finger at work while chopping some vegetables. I grabbed the nearest rag I could to stop the bleeding and put it on the cut. I didn't know the rag had just been used to clean up a lemon juice spill. FML
Today, I was trying to flirt with the guy I like using body language, so I leaned over this counter in a sensual way. I happened to have a fork, so I went to bite the tip that sexy way people do in movies. I accidentally stabbed myself in the lip, cutting it. My lunch had jalapeños in it. FML
Today, I had so much skin peeling off my lips that it got caught in my fork as I was eating. FML
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Top comments
JesseJaymz 0
you didn't think a knife made to cut things could cut u?
kraykray_fml 0
duh. thats pretty obvious it a KNIFE...
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Comments (364)
sam7046 0
omg, this is news to me that knifes cut. i never knew that.. see you do learn something new every day... :-/
akkimber 0
what the hell kind of knife do you use?! a serrated steak knife?! Jesus H.
akkimber 0
did you also forget that knives are used to cut things like food and if applied to a tongue may most likely cut? Jesus they don't put warnings on the package but that's like putting a screwdriver in your penis!
akkimber 0
oh yeah.... I forgot to tell you! don't do yay either because it will hurt! ******* retard...
akkimber 0
*that. not yay. damn autocorrect. damn afp
MetalmaidenDeth 0
i like pandas. do you like pandas?
Sharpie_08 0
dumbass
x805xUnknown 6
So you licked a KNIFE, and didn't expect it to CUT you?! (Key words; Knife, Cut.)
akkimber 0
Therefore: Knife = Cut; Cut = Pain; Pain = Ow!
stargirl1 0
awww so sorry :(
mara16 6
haha that's what you get for being a fatty!
makis_fml 0
hahaha! no way... you didn't expect????? totaly diserve it...
Samko_chan 5
Uhh.. 19 I believe it is called a butter knife.
OMGninja 0
same thing happen to me