Today, I went to lick the excess peanut butter off the knife after making a PB and J. Turns out the knife can and will cut your tongue, even though you don't think it will. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, as I was trying to remove my lunch from the hot oven tray, my finger brushed against the metal for a moment, and I instinctively put it in my mouth. I burnt my tongue, on my finger. I didn't realize that was possible. FML
Today, I learned how to sharpen a knife. I sharpened it so well that it went through my finger like a lightsaber. FML
Today, I had a massive craving for peanut butter and jelly. While making a sandwich, the jar slipped from my hands, bounced off the counter, and exploded all over my kitchen. Now I have peanut butter and jelly in places I didn't even know existed. FML
Today, I was washing dishes after eating Christmas leftovers. I pulled a knife out of the drying rack and put it away to avoid cutting myself on it, yet I still managed to scrape my thumb on an errant fork in the sink. FML
Today, I learned that no matter how much you want the Nutella, it's never a good idea to deep-throat the knife. FML
Today, I cut myself with a butter knife while trying to get a piece of brownie from a pan. I don't think I was meant to survive on Earth for very long. FML
Today, I managed to cut myself twice with a Swiss army knife. Stabbed in one hand and sliced a finger on the other. Good to know it's super sharp. FML
Today, I cut my finger at work while chopping some vegetables. I grabbed the nearest rag I could to stop the bleeding and put it on the cut. I didn't know the rag had just been used to clean up a lemon juice spill. FML
Today, I was trying to flirt with the guy I like using body language, so I leaned over this counter in a sensual way. I happened to have a fork, so I went to bite the tip that sexy way people do in movies. I accidentally stabbed myself in the lip, cutting it. My lunch had jalapeños in it. FML
Today, I had so much skin peeling off my lips that it got caught in my fork as I was eating. FML
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Top comments
JesseJaymz 0
you didn't think a knife made to cut things could cut u?
kraykray_fml 0
duh. thats pretty obvious it a KNIFE...
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Comments (364)
bwfc83 0
yes. it will
RugbyKid 0
thanks for pointing out the obvious op
nyrangers1022 6
my comments wont show....ydi for being stupid. i do this all the time but i dont lick the sharp part of the knife
sammiller4 3
op I feel your pain
tashbash 0
Not neasicarily, there are some blunt knives for spreading butter and stuff, maybe the OP had a knife like that and that's why they didn't think they would cut them.
gutzzzz 0
it also turns out that they let ignorant people reproduce..... that's how you came along :p
RugbyKid 0
#26: win
MarkSeattle 0
don't ever use power tools. or do, then we'll get a real FML
zuluz 0
omg the new sherlock?:O
wtfwtjd 0
Or maybe you shouldn't use a machete to make a sandwich
comatoast 0
yeah dumbass, it's a knife. it's sole purpose is to cut stuff
NuMuzik 0
have u ever got ur tongue cut by a knife?
madarchod 0
26 is right. Now op should try to sit on fire and wonder why her ass got burned
MrCalves 1
actually just don't acknowledge the knife cut. then it won't exist, right?
TaylorTotsYumm 10
Don't make fun of the OP. He has a mental illness.
MiZz_dAnni 0
ouchhh :(
FMLRevoluSean 0
Bullshit op I don't blame the knife here but ya knever know.
Nylecroc 0
ydi for being a guy and sticking something in your mouth that ends in B&J
gutzzzz 0
peanut butter ends in "er" and knife ends in "fe" nice try though :)
Nylecroc 0
As he says, he stuck PB&J in his mouth. It makes sense.
MiZz_dAnni 0
100- lol :P
666Alyssa 3
Knives cut things. Most people know that. What did you do? Press it against your tongue very hard?
MiGman 5
#100/103: win
FMLRevoluSean 0
102 what???
MeLlamoMaddie 0
no it won't cut your tongue it will SliCE yur tongue open smart one i've learned that before
ThisGuyHasCrabs 0
to jas... because I want to be your husband.
ThisGuyHasCrabs 0
Today, I was turned down after asking the love of my life if I could be her husband. FML ... that would never be approved so you have to say yes... lol
ninjacapo 2
if the bread was wheat ydi.
Stevefett 0
Ever hear of a butter knife nerd?
gutzzzz 0
it never said he put pb&j in his mouth, just a knife with peanut butter on it, so 100's joke doesn't make sense :P thats why i said "er" or "fe" cuz he only put peanut butter, and a knife in his mouth. duhhh :P
PeanutButterPudd 0
I agree with 125 :)
FMLRevoluSean 0
i still dont get it...
goingdown_fml 0
I knew this wasn't gonna end well when I saw pbnj and knife
autumn16 0
ydi bc you like peanut butter... ewwwww it's so nasty
Delaneymarie 0
you're make ups so nasty:P
My_Deathbed 0
thats true!
hockeyguy79 0
114- nice pic
sammiller4 3
hey it's my lover! talkin about autumn btw
jizwiz 3
OPs story came off to be very sexual to me. He was trying to lick the excess semen off the other mans dick and didnt realize how hard it was. Turns out no matter how careful you try to be your gonna end up biting him at some point. Just my opinion. But I do think the OP is a penis sucking fagot.... Not that theres anything wrong with that. Personally I enjoy sucking other mens suculent penises
Gannon1994 0
OP, are you honestly that ******* retarded?
autumn16 0
157 ok first of all my make ups not nasty. tons of people want me to do theirs, too. sorry if that makes you jealous or whatever. oh and I rather have eyeliner that I can change whenever I want, than be stuck looking like you.
autumn16 0
SAM (: hey love
ThisGuyHasCrabs 0
burn baby!!! fafp
LoneliestxHobo 0
What?? do you butter your bread with steak knive's? no way a butter knife could do that
jrkarikas 0
imagine that; a knife that can cut stuff...
LoneliestxHobo 0
103.... he stuck a peanut blow and job in his mouth?
Giorgio272 2
WTF was the op using a steak knife?? I lick the apprent "sharp" end of a butter knife all the time with no trouble. op must just be a tool.
autumn16 0
what's fafp?
taybabay 0
Nnnnnno they don't.
XxDevilxXGt 26
and you're dumb as hell for saying you're when talking about her makeup hahaha fail word use.
autumn16 0
bahahaha
XxDevilxXGt 26
it means **** anti flood protection :)
autumn16 0
oh I couldve guessed at that but I guess it's the blonde hair (: lol thanks
XxDevilxXGt 26
no problem haha the blonde hair.. i guess that could be why, that hair can steal some of your thoughts at times xD looks good though :)
sammiller4 3
how's it goin dear :)
autumn16 0
hahaha yeaaa (: thanks lol and sam I'm pretty good ((: how was your day (:
sammiller4 3
my day was pretty shitty lol and yours
666Alyssa 3
Aww, don't pick on the 14yr old (157). Its not her fault she doesn't know how to write things correctly and thinks insulting people online will make her "cool".
DesiGir324 0
No shit, Sherlock. YDI.
skape91 0
be more careful lolz
StoryOfTheYear 15
Holy carps! A knife can cut your tounge??? Next OP will be saying a fork can stab things, god, I swear people are getting nuttier by the day
FarSide 23
YDI for not making your old lady fix your sammich.
Delaneymarie 0
143 (or girl who I jokingly said had nasty makeup) I'm sorry if I offended you it's just something me and me friends do to each other :P <-- means joke. I don't think your makeups nasty. I don't even care about it lol sorry you think I'm ugly and I offended you I really didn't mean to:/
Snugglez 0
I hate peanut butter! but OP you deserve it for being stupid
time4coffee 3
duh
summersizzle 0
171 someone insulted the way you look, don't stoop down to their level and do the same thing because it makes you look just as bad as them. and btw # 157 is not ugly, and #171's make up is not nasty. this isn't a place to judge peoples profile pictures it's a place to discuss the fml.
maxdashz 0
241:Thank you so much. Usually when I see a reply like that, it is either "first", "ouch", or "lol" in the first comment. Not only does that have nothing to do with the comment, it also has nothing to do with the post. I can tell you are very famous online, I have seen you before, but the brain in your picture has been enlarged.
OMGJASMiNE 0
ouchh!
OMGJASMiNE 0
yes I'll be yur wife(:
Dragons_corner 6
has anyone herd if a BUTTER KNIFE they are not sharp at all that might be what op is talking about =p
pingpongpickle 8
peanut butter is gross
LilAfo 4
or u could say, wow what an idiot wow and that would be another way to describe his idiocy :b
PurpleLlamas 0
63-he was using a butter knife. they arent sharp. their "sole purpose" is to spread dumby
PurpleLlamas 0
157-so is yours...oh wait thats your face my apoligies
PurpleLlamas 0
179-its fu*k anti flood protection
ujonesy 0
I would let 171 do my makeup allllllll day.
Dragons_corner 6
you all are saying op is a idiot or something but your just making youself look like a idiot if you have silverwaer go to were you keep them and look at it that thing that looks like a knife but cam cut with out a massive fource that is called a BUTTER KNIFE or how about you google BUTTER KNIFE and learn something.
zac2012 0
******* duh!
karina_said 0
...cuts like a knife
xXLenaXx 0
171, err... 157 is actually really pretty, she's just not loaded with make-up. : you seem a bit insecure to use so much eye-liner and then tell girls without any they don't look good. fyl.
SerenaChaos805 0
ive uses butter knifes a lot. and lick them never once have i been cut ... but that sucks op. try using a spoon next time
Bear_Flu 0
Today, I cut my leg off with a power saw because I wanted to test how sharp it was... FML
xXLenaXx 0
hahahahaha, 306 :D
autumn16 0
218 damn right gahh it's funny when so many people say I'm pretty and then random girls say I'm ugly. and sam I actually had a decent day. why'd you have a crappy one
autumn16 0
243 yea thanks I think
autumn16 0
291 uhmm haha that's a compliment right? lol
autumn16 0
301- really? stfu please. I'm not insecure at all so don't tell me I seem that way. ok? I wear alot of eyeliner because it looks good with my style and I often don't wear make up at all. just when I feel like it. and I didn't say she is not pretty because she isn't wearing eyeliner in her picture. because honestly she is wearing eyeliner. so look at the facts before you state something. please and thank you (: with love, Autumn (:
xXLenaXx 0
Autumn, soz if that offended you, but to me "i'd rather..than be stuck looking like you" is criticising people's looks. you'd seem a lot more confident if you don't criticise how other people look. your make-up looks really good though, i won't deny that :) Sincere Regards, Lena. :P
autumn16 0
lol ok haha I wouldn't had even said anything to her if she didn't say that I mean it wasn't called for. and thanks lol your really pretty by the way
xXLenaXx 0
ohh i was actually gonna comment again to say, who calls you ugly??? they must be blind as **** :P you're gorgeous :) aww thankyoo, that's so nice of you ^^
Skullcrusher 5
You, my friend, are a major dumbass!
Delaneymarie 0
I'm not wearing eyeliner, that's mascara. y'all are dumb for making such a huge deal out of a joke but then again I'm pretty sure that my small 14 yr old mind just couldn't comprehend how much greater and prettier y'all all are. chill out.
autumn16 0
thank you Lena haha and your welcome (: but your prettier than me
xXLenaXx 0
are you crazy? no way. you look hawt. :) I can't even work make-up.. a sorry excuse for a female i am. Autumn, do my make-up for me please haha. :D
hwkfan1 10
PBJ=Penis-Blow-Job
Lexiegirlxx 4
lmao op u fail =p
anonhxc 0
Why the flying **** are you using a sharp knife??
heyygirll 0
shut up go put some more eyeliner on
Pointy130 0
You must suck at it. I do it all the time and never hurt myself.
autumn16 0
333 lol it took me a while to learn how do do it right and make it look decent lol and even now all I use is eyeliner and mascara lol
connorfinch 0
what?! I thought if you don't think something will happen it won't!
PrincessesCrown 17
157 is beautiful and you autumn, well you look like you just climbed out of a tar pit and couldn't scrub the black off your eyes. I don't know any guys that like the way people like you do their makeup. And that is nasty, black eyes are so ugly. I can't believe people go around like that, you look like you have two bruised eyes. I prefer a more natural look. That way you can show true beauty.
PrincessesCrown 17
352 you still can't do it right!
alissa222 15
195, if you were born in '93, you are not sixteen,
kraykray_fml 0
duh. thats pretty obvious it a KNIFE...
paid2think 0
Ha!
sosoinlove09 0
IKr??? dumb ass, it's obvious
cBlackout 13
that's why do dont make a sandwich with a steak knife
omgitslaurrrrr 0
Please tell me you're kidding?
JesseJaymz 0
you didn't think a knife made to cut things could cut u?
iSeeStarz 0
wow. how'd this even make it?
amandalovee 0
true, but I do it all the time and my tounge is fine..
loski87 4
the only thing I can think of is the op licked the blade. and if it was a butter knife he probably licked really hard
ThisGuyHasCrabs 0
I lick real hard! eh..eh.. lol
DINOLOVE17 0
duh stupid everyone knows that a knife will cut you.
omgitslaurrrrr 0
It's sad that this got accepted to be posted..
15bshah 0
ooh. that reaaly sucks. ydi though
yogurtgirlie 0
no shit sherlock
eatsleepjb 8
*no DIP Sherlock..
Samantha_baby 0
right, like how old are you? knives are pointy.. :] FYI
remieshine16 0
ur parents never told u that when u were young ?! haha