Today, I went to lick the excess peanut butter off the knife after making a PB and J. Turns out the knife can and will cut your tongue, even though you don't think it will. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, as I was trying to remove my lunch from the hot oven tray, my finger brushed against the metal for a moment, and I instinctively put it in my mouth. I burnt my tongue, on my finger. I didn't realize that was possible. FML
Today, I learned how to sharpen a knife. I sharpened it so well that it went through my finger like a lightsaber. FML
Today, I had a massive craving for peanut butter and jelly. While making a sandwich, the jar slipped from my hands, bounced off the counter, and exploded all over my kitchen. Now I have peanut butter and jelly in places I didn't even know existed. FML
Today, I was washing dishes after eating Christmas leftovers. I pulled a knife out of the drying rack and put it away to avoid cutting myself on it, yet I still managed to scrape my thumb on an errant fork in the sink. FML
Today, I learned that no matter how much you want the Nutella, it's never a good idea to deep-throat the knife. FML
Today, I cut myself with a butter knife while trying to get a piece of brownie from a pan. I don't think I was meant to survive on Earth for very long. FML
Today, I managed to cut myself twice with a Swiss army knife. Stabbed in one hand and sliced a finger on the other. Good to know it's super sharp. FML
Today, I cut my finger at work while chopping some vegetables. I grabbed the nearest rag I could to stop the bleeding and put it on the cut. I didn't know the rag had just been used to clean up a lemon juice spill. FML
Today, I was trying to flirt with the guy I like using body language, so I leaned over this counter in a sensual way. I happened to have a fork, so I went to bite the tip that sexy way people do in movies. I accidentally stabbed myself in the lip, cutting it. My lunch had jalapeños in it. FML
Today, I had so much skin peeling off my lips that it got caught in my fork as I was eating. FML
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Top comments
JesseJaymz 0
you didn't think a knife made to cut things could cut u?
kraykray_fml 0
duh. thats pretty obvious it a KNIFE...
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Comments (364)
yagurlteeteexoxo 0
lmao y didn't u just wipe the excess on the bread?
flapjacklux 8
Your not very bright are you? Because I'm sure you aren't :)
junior_serb 4
what does OP mean?
itz_towelie 6
oldest panda
Slandora 9
asshole it was probably a butter knife
thatfeelsright 0
use a spoon
senik23 0
lol, win
5t3ff1k4h 47
It's possible to cut yourself with a spoon. I know a guy that did it.
allmidnighteyes 11
Now that you cut your tongue (hopefully down the middle a little), you can slit the membrane under your tongue and become a lizardman
Samantha_baby 0
well.. ya but the side that you spread it on is the pointy side.. so to lick it off you have to lick the pointy side... I think?
xMissxMurderx 1
I knew someone who almost cut their finger off with a butter knife. yeah. YDI.
chillinAK 9
my step father was one the toilet when some tripping dude came in with a butter knife and tore him up. just goes to show butter knives aren't safe lol
PeaceLoveAmelia6 0
Geez. That's definetly worse than me with the plastic butter knife attempting to cut cantalope.
desiidestruction 0
uhmm.. are you mentally challenged?! ydi for being an idiodic moron.
DontHate31 0
38 that's true. I'm not. XD
Samantha_baby 0
neither am I :D ... most of the time! fafp!
celestialkidd 0
yo this was retarded.... and ur dumb for cutting urself with a spreading knife
amerwin 3
should have done mankind a favor and just swallowed the knife