Today, I went to lick the excess peanut butter off the knife after making a PB and J. Turns out the knife can and will cut your tongue, even though you don't think it will. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, as I was trying to remove my lunch from the hot oven tray, my finger brushed against the metal for a moment, and I instinctively put it in my mouth. I burnt my tongue, on my finger. I didn't realize that was possible. FML
Today, I learned how to sharpen a knife. I sharpened it so well that it went through my finger like a lightsaber. FML
Today, I had a massive craving for peanut butter and jelly. While making a sandwich, the jar slipped from my hands, bounced off the counter, and exploded all over my kitchen. Now I have peanut butter and jelly in places I didn't even know existed. FML
Today, I was washing dishes after eating Christmas leftovers. I pulled a knife out of the drying rack and put it away to avoid cutting myself on it, yet I still managed to scrape my thumb on an errant fork in the sink. FML
Today, I learned that no matter how much you want the Nutella, it's never a good idea to deep-throat the knife. FML
Today, I cut myself with a butter knife while trying to get a piece of brownie from a pan. I don't think I was meant to survive on Earth for very long. FML
Today, I managed to cut myself twice with a Swiss army knife. Stabbed in one hand and sliced a finger on the other. Good to know it's super sharp. FML
Today, I cut my finger at work while chopping some vegetables. I grabbed the nearest rag I could to stop the bleeding and put it on the cut. I didn't know the rag had just been used to clean up a lemon juice spill. FML
Today, I was trying to flirt with the guy I like using body language, so I leaned over this counter in a sensual way. I happened to have a fork, so I went to bite the tip that sexy way people do in movies. I accidentally stabbed myself in the lip, cutting it. My lunch had jalapeños in it. FML
Today, I had so much skin peeling off my lips that it got caught in my fork as I was eating. FML
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Top comments
JesseJaymz 0
you didn't think a knife made to cut things could cut u?
kraykray_fml 0
duh. thats pretty obvious it a KNIFE...
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Comments (364)
allmidnighteyes 11
Your "knife" was actually a woman working at King Burger by the name of Bon Qui Qui, wasn't she? After making you your sandwich, you wanted a little extra sumthin sumthin, ignoring her threats of "Gurrl I will CUT you", which resulted in you getting CUUUTTT
Samantha_baby 0
18 - love that video
jocelyng_fml 0
madtv :P
Samantha_baby 0
i also like "can I have your numberr? can I have it?" fafp!
Samantha_baby 0
"where yur boyfriend at? is he tall? does he buy you mike - n - ikes?..."
Samantha_baby 0
wow. thats sad how much we can quote...
Samantha_baby 0
it's spelt Daryl but islts pronounced De-rel .. I can't spell it.. >_<
Samantha_baby 0
haha " what's your name?" wasn't it Yvonne? ya I think so.. lol wait... I forget.. ANYWAYS! " oh my French croissant"
Samantha_baby 0
me eitherr.. talking about it makes me wanna go watch itt..
Samantha_baby 0
haha I watche it too. maaann, I love madtv with a passion. :]
Samantha_baby 0
oohhh, ya. why did they stopp? I'm sam. BTW :D
Samantha_baby 0
everyone knows unicorns are pink.. your picture is obviously a horse with a horn on it's head ;]
Samantha_baby 0
tehehe :] THANKS i don't normally get that a lot..
Samantha_baby 0
:o now it's a REAL unicorn :] yay! hahahah
Samantha_baby 0
you did that for me:0 ? :D
Samantha_baby 0
yep and I'm proud :] why is there like a time/number after a comment like 06:00 ??
Samantha_baby 0
oh ok.. at first I thought it was to tell time.. but. it says 6 o'clock when it's 11.. well for me at least!
Samantha_baby 0
ohh, very interesting.. *strokes invisible beard* hm...
Samantha_baby 0
ok you look into it ;] well.. I'm exhausted.. I'm gonna hit the hay! nice meeting you, Jacob!
LoganBballin16 0
omg I was like holy crap how long r u going to talk?!?!? get a life girls^^^^
pingpongpickle 8
UNI! you're pink!
StoryOfTheYear 15
Crikey
katplayer 4
You were never told not to lick knives? I was. I didn't listen, but hell, I'm not stupid enough to lick the pointy side.
zeebruhxoxo 0
lol, agreed.
silver86_fml 2
anyone care to warn him how sharp crayola scissors actually are?
Samantha_baby 0
ahahahha WIN
bummervacation 10
dumbass
Justin9669 0
I do that all the time, I never cut my tongue. You're just plain stupid.
DontHate31 0
Are you Blonde? Just curious.
Samantha_baby 0
not all blondes are stupid...
kalixzo 11
contrary to popular belief, blondes aren't dumb. People are just jealous of them.
MiGman 5
#48 win
666Alyssa 3
I'm 17 and blonde and I'm smarter than the 26yr old that I work with that dyes her hair blonde.
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
But apparently, blondes aren't bright enough to spot a joke >.<
666Alyssa 3
I understood that was meant as a joke, I was replying to the other person. I make blonde jokes all the time. I don't get offended by them.
Starfire22 5
Of course :D
CrrazyBone 0
maybe using the proper utensil to spread pb would help, why were you using a sharp knife.... natural selection at work
Mervin22 6
any guy with a mirror pic is a ****.
Samantha_baby 0
coming from the person with no pic at all..?
CrrazyBone 0
says the guy with no pic
Samantha_baby 0
that's what I'm saying!
itz_towelie 6
there's a lot of hate goin on in this comment, to quote the great king rodney, can't we all just get along?
LOL_Noobs 0
maybe it was a butter knife that cut him?
heyyitshannah 0
you deserve it for licking a knife.
rainbowhobos 4
lol how old are YOU? knives have a sharp edge and a blunt edge. :] silly!