Today, after telling my young kids all about Santa, his reindeer and his sleigh, we saw him. Smoking a cigarette in the beat-up car next to ours at a red light. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I saw Santa. He gave me the finger. FML
Today, I took the 6 year old I'm babysitting to the mall to see Santa after weeks of her begging. We got there in time to see him get out of his Prius and dress in the parking lot. FML
Today, I took my kids to the mall to see Santa. While waiting in line, my eldest got bored and loudly complained, "I don't know why we're here. Santa's not even real." I don't think any of the kids within a hundred feet took the news very well. FML
Today, Rudolph's nose burned out. I had to guide the sleigh. FML
Today, I dressed up as Santa Claus for my employees' children. After seeing all the others, my daughter's turn arrived. She sat on my lap, put her lips to my ear, and whispered softly: "I want a new dad." FML
Today, I was at lunch with my mom and we were talking about how to tell my brother that Santa Claus isn't real. After we finished our conversation, I heard someone crying. Little did I know, two little kids and their parents were sitting in the booth behind me. FML
Today, I took my 5-year old daughter to get a photo taken with Santa, when she asked the dreaded question of why this Santa looked different from one at the other store. Before I could placate her, some cunt of a kid yelled, "Because he's not real, dumbass!" FML
Today, my 4-year-old son is distraught. This morning we saw a man, dressed as Santa, passed out drunk on a public bench. My son is now convinced that it was his corpse, and that Santa Claus is dead. FML
Today, my son told me the Christmas letter he wrote to Santa was a joke and he didn't want the stuff he asked for. I already bought everything. FML
Today, my daughter ran up to an old man with a white beard and a red sweater because she thought he might be Santa. He was a homeless dude, drunk at 9 in the morning. He told her to either give him money or f**k off, then screamed at her that "Santa’s not real, grow up r*tard." She’s still crying FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
ICastillo 25
Well times are hard everybody is having a rough time and down grading.
Pleonasm 36
Your kids learnt the grim reality of life. Santa can't hold his job; it's stressful and only comes one a year. The IRS is up his ass and the missus has had more rides from the elves than Santa gets on his sleigh. Everyone copes some how. So merry christmas you jolly bastard. I'll be leaving you my cookies and milk.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (107)
ICastillo 25
Well times are hard everybody is having a rough time and down grading.
tomhofer 14
I'm in a bad mood
Pleonasm 36
Yea, I'm feeling glum too! Has this become a greivances thread?
ICastillo 25
Now I'm feeling down. Thanks guys.
gc327072 31
Nobody understands me... (insert Emo meme)
Misswildsides 22
My silence is just another word for my pain *sniffle sniffle*
lilhellian 27
Staring out window with a sense of yearning.
TheFirstSamurai 18
*violins begin playing*
ICastillo 25
*Walks through the thread, thumb out, like Stewie*. The Lonely man song playing in the back ground.
Cainicide 5
Well, that deteriorated quickly.
TourettesGuyFTW 26
Why won't any of you just notice me???!! :'(
lelo007 11
I'll share my candy bar with you guys if it will cheer you up :)
ICastillo 25
What Kind of candy bar?
lelo007 11
I haven't bought it, yet, so we can all agree on it. My vote is in for a Zero Bar.
ICastillo 25
No. I say we get a Hershey's cookie n cream bar.
tsent8 15
70 71 both of you are wrong we could go and track down this Santa and give him the money. I'm sure that would make us all feel good. Never mind I want twix.
ICastillo 25
What about a bag of mini Reese's there is enough for everyone?
tsent8 15
Possibly but what if pleonasm wants in maybe we could all pitch in and get one of those big Halloween sized candy bags.
moonboobs 4
At least santa wasn't masturbating.
barefootchic 6
Just tell them Santa has lots of helpers during the Christmas Season.
kathbutter 12
still not the best role model to be associated with Santa
Enslaved 38
But Santa doesn't discriminate. (:
Inheritance 10
Say, "That's a Santa wanna-be."
mduffy08 8
It's the anti-Santa!
lewk908 13
and a pedophile
mmoroney9 5
Instead of cookies and milk he drinks beer and smokes
MichellinMan 20
This reminds me of that family guy episode where Brian and Stewie go to the North Pole to find Santa but all his elves are all messed up and his factory looks like a toxic waste dump.
ShannyAK 16
Badass santa!
Jeterforever 3
For some reason I always see Santa smoking...
Pleonasm 36
Your kids learnt the grim reality of life. Santa can't hold his job; it's stressful and only comes one a year. The IRS is up his ass and the missus has had more rides from the elves than Santa gets on his sleigh. Everyone copes some how. So merry christmas you jolly bastard. I'll be leaving you my cookies and milk.
cathyfang1533 12
You forgot the fact that's he's now being sued for providing unsanitary working conditions and inhumane treatment for the elves.
JoeGrant 12
Wait! You almost forgot the animal abuse charges due to the whole "reindeer situation".
the_illuminated 4
Can't he write off presents as a business expense on his taxes?
Lezyes 10
Saves you the explanation he isn't real...
onlychildFTW 34
Santa isn't real? :(
aspartame78 3
Sorry. I meant to thumb that up. Stupid fat fingers!!
thejewishfuhrer 17
I meant to thumb it down. So I did. Oh how I love my smart skinny fingers!
ChaoticBacon 6
You're not real.
vic55jets 13
Unfortunate, but at least you won't have to really worry about them seeing the tooth fairy or the Easter bunny like that.
BlueFlatts 20
No, cause we all know the Tooth Fairy looks like the Rock.
zingline89 18
Anyone else reminded of Home Alone?
Codezlol 21
More like bad Santa lol
SkoomaKi 28
Looks like presents are going to be a little bit late this year.
lovelykisses86 2
Think about all the stress Santa has? He's delivering toys to kids all over the world. :b
BadGuy_Ogg 4
"Look kids, Santa Claus is coming to town" is what I would've said