Today, I went over to my friend's house. Her 5 year-old son answered the door and when he saw me said, "Oh great, it's YOU!" and slammed the door in my face. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I ate at a friend's house. Her 5-year-old son, who was at the table with us, looked at me and said quietly, "You're ugly." My friend told him off, causing him to cry, and shout, "But she isn't pretty!" FML
Today, I was hanging out at a friend's house. Her adorable 5 year-old sister came up, gave me a hug, and said, "You're fat. When are you going home?" FML
Today, I went to visit my best friend at her house. I saw her five year-old brother playing in the front yard, and as I walked up to the door he shouted, "Boobs are here! Boobs are here!" FML
Today, I drove over an hour to my grandma's house for her birthday party. When she answered the door, her eyes went wide and she said angrily "No, not you!" and slammed the door shut in my face. FML
Today, I knocked on the door of my friend’s apartment to surprise her. It opened, and an angry stranger shouted, “Who are you?” at me. I then realized I was on the wrong floor of the building. My friend still doesn’t know I almost barged in on her neighbor, because I'm too embarrassed to tell her. FML
Today, I was in a big Skype chat, which somehow turned into a heated argument. My friend lost it, typed "your stupid" and called me a "looser." When I pointed out the irony of his messages, he rage-quit, drove all the way to my house, and punched me in the face at the door. FML
Today, I was visiting my friend's new house and he was showing me around. I saw a small door in the wall and decided to open it. When I opened it, his daughter was hiding in there and screamed to scare me. Now I know my scream is more high pitched than his daughter's. I'm a 37 year old male. FML
Today, I tried to give my friend a fist bump. He thought I was trying to punch him so he punched me in the face. FML
Today, I picked up my four year old son from daycare. As I was putting him in his car seat, I asked him if he had fun. He yelled, "Shut it, bitch!" FML
Today, while eating with my kids at McDonalds, my son put his hand up and wanted me to give him a "high five." I went to give him a five, but he moved his hand at the last second and I ended up slapping him in the face. Now everyone there thinks I'm a child-beater. FML
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Top comments
failblorg 0
lmaoo you must be extremely annoying
DocBastard 40
So spank him. Done.
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Comments (98)
mercedeslove 0
what a worthless piece of shit! I would have kicked his teeth in. Teach him a lesson.
brice_garrett 0
yes! I totally agree
wriptidez 0
ah just a kid
pokadottz 0
23 and 20....... nIcE!!!! and PO...... I'd just act like a 5 year old and tell on his mommy!
Carlie_McCartney 1
Oh, boy! Kids say the darndest things! :)
Scopium 0
Looks like you have unfinished biz with the kid. Wut a welcome.
W4X 0
Today, one of my mom friends rang the doorbell. The friend who gave my Dad a ******* a couple of days ago and the one who never brings me presents. She still comes. FML
Raddaya 3
YDI for forgetting your own childhood. Kids do NOT do that unless you piss them off.
Leo_C_fml 0
Epic.
Incredible_92 11
Make friends with kids and they'll be happy to see you, unless you just suck..
Zoyaaa 9
Lol denied