Today, I went over to a guy's house for dinner. He ended up getting really drunk and started crying, telling me that I reminded him of his dead ferret. Distraught, he tearfully showed me her ashes. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I drunkenly buried my girlfriend's recently deceased cat. Later she asked to see it and came back inside crying. It turns out I didn't bury it completely and its two back legs were poking out of the dirt. FML
Today, I was on a date with a girl I've been crushing on for a while. At one point we started talking about pets we'd had. I wanted to show my sensitive side, so I told her how I sadly had to get my beloved cat euthanized earlier that week, and had buried her in my backyard. Her response? "Ew." FML
Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to meet his parents, and now they have a dead rabbit because I sat on it. FML
Today, a guy I've been seeing called me really drunk again to talk about his and his cat's angst. He put me on speaker so I could have a meowing-conversation with his cat to soothe her. FML
Today, I finally met the cute guy I've been seeing around town. Bad news is, I was drunk off my ass, and when he told me his name, I burst out laughing because it's the same as my puppy's. He did not take it well. FML
Today, I was at a party and saw an old friend from college. I went up to her asking how she was and how her family was. She went on to tell me that her husband left her a month ago and started crying. I told her that he was an ass anyway and that she didn't need him. Turns out he died. FML
Today, while I was at work, I was on the verge of tears. My coworker asked what was wrong and I explained that I recently had to put my dog down. He then replied, "Cool story, bro. Tell it again." FML
Today, I went to this coffee shop in town that has a fire pit outdoors with my boyfriend. I threw out the idea of sitting by the fire together, and he responded by telling me that his father and dog died in a house fire when he was young. FML
Today, I made the mistake of telling my dentist that my dog died. She spent the next half-hour talking about her pets and how they died. I ended up crying in her dentist's chair. FML
Today, while I was on a date, I noticed my ex-boyfriend in the restaurant, and he looked sad. So I walked over to see him and jokingly said, "You look like your mom died or something!" She had. FML
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Top comments
GloriousWhorious 6
Just think about it! :D Maybe one day, he'll love you as much as the ferret! Then he can show YOUR ashes to others!
hatesfate 6
it looked like pudding... WTF do you think ashes look like?
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Comments (79)
iHateThisLife 10
ah, the things people say when they're drunk....hahahhahahaha
Chiyo_fml 0
Is your name by any chance Draco Malfoy?
FlashBurn 13
Looks like you ferreted out one of his insecurities! At least ferrets are cute and playful, and the Beast Master had a couple of them!
alaskasfml 0
YOU PROMISED YOU WOULDN'T TELL! in all seriousness, it's weird to me when people keep their pets ashes. run now!
Reinhard_Xenon 0
that's cute!
Pigpen181 3
Time to wax those eyebrows!
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
An overpowering ferret smell is almost always a sign of poor ownership. If a ferret is well cared for, the smell shouldn't be stronger than that of any other animal. I live in a very small apartment, and people don't know I've got ferrets until they see or hear about them. On the other hand, I've been to many larger homes that reek of cat or dog when there's only one living there.
lovepebbles 1
im sry but thtz pretty funnt ... but sux 4 u :/
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
Being emotional after losing a pet is understandable. I'd be more concerned with the fact that he got trashed on such an intimate date.
13AlibiesETF 6
I'm cremating my two guinea pigs no lie :))