Today, I finally met the cute guy I've been seeing around town. Bad news is, I was drunk off my ass, and when he told me his name, I burst out laughing because it's the same as my puppy's. He did not take it well. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I met a really nice guy. He was funny, handsome, and we were both into each other. He told me his name, and when I replied with mine, it came out sounding like "I'm a bear." FML
Today, I was at McDonald's. I bumped into a guy, and as I was helping him pick up his food, I realized he was cute. I began smiling and I was about to introduce myself, when he began laughing and said, "It's you! I've heard about you!" He left laughing. I still don't know who he is, or what made him laugh. FML
Today, I was so drunk that I gave my mom's number instead of mine to the really cute guy I met at the bar. FML
Today, I ran into an attractive friend of a friend who I hadn't seen since a night out last month. I tried my best to be friendly and interesting, but he still seemed awkward. Later I find out that last time he saw me, I was blind drunk and vomiting after propositioning him all evening. FML
Today, I saw a guy at a bar that looked cute. I didn't dare talk to him, though. When I was on my way home, drunkenly singing the entire way, I finally noticed he was walking along behind me. Probably for about 15 minutes. FML
Today, I ran into an attractive friend of a friend I hadn't seen since a night out last month. I tried my best to be friendly and interesting, but he still seemed awkward. Later I found out that the last time he saw me I was blind drunk and vomiting after having propositioned him all evening. FML
Today, a guy I've been seeing called me really drunk again to talk about his and his cat's angst. He put me on speaker so I could have a meowing-conversation with his cat to soothe her. FML
Today, I met my fiancé's parents for the first time. The only problem was that I was highly intoxicated. FML
Today, I introduced my new boyfriend to my dog, hoping they’d get along. I told my boyfriend, “Don’t worry, he never jumps on anyone.” Immediately, my dog jumped, not onto my boyfriend but right into my lap, knocking my glass of red wine all over my trousers. My boyfriend patted the dog and said, “At least someone’s happy to see you.” FML
Today, I drunk texted a guy I like. We'd met at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. FML
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Top comments
happyhak 5
QUEST START Objective: To find the guy of your dreams and greet him WITHOUT being intoxicated Reward: The best one night stand you have ever had Things needed for this Quest: Common Sense
DallasMavs 3
You had your chance and you blew it. What was his name anyways?
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Comments (119)
DallasMavs 3
You had your chance and you blew it. What was his name anyways?
danishbagel 3
I would laugh too if his name was Sparky or something.
Kefka91 15
His name was Mr. Flufflekins the 2nd.
ColdplaySucks 18
Dumbass people made dumbass drinking decisions. YDI.
_MissyJennifer_ 0
Lol
jwade11 12
I really want to know his name now!!! Lol
Rinat_fml 26
Hopeless.
dav3800 7
38 is probably the closest to his name.
DrDilllonReese 12
Let's not forget the possibility of his name being Fido.
pyemeister23 1
MADT - Mothers Against Drunk Texting
pyemeister23 1
MADT - Mothers Against Drunk Texting
starxshine 0
Oops, I accidentally hit the "I agree, your life sucks" button.
ilovethetea 0
115, it's okay, about 1300 people made the same mistake.
Naitsi 19
I guess he wont b seeing you again
jewban 3
Ya blew it
sharktat2 10
His name-Upchuck...lol!
ittsdann 6
Idiot
SillyFart 7
NO U
BayleeWasHere 1
Too-shay! (however you spell that :P) *Dont correct meh'*
EvilCupcake8361 9
^^ *touché
happyhak 5
QUEST START Objective: To find the guy of your dreams and greet him WITHOUT being intoxicated Reward: The best one night stand you have ever had Things needed for this Quest: Common Sense
iam_yummylicious 12
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Carbonation 0
Mission failed. Try again? Please insert 50 cents.
nava1210 12
I don't have anymore money =[
OMGIFOUNDWALDO 6
Common sens is not so common - Voltaire
Zomg_Okay 27
Nope, common sense is non-existent. For it to be a common trait in people, we'd all have to have it. Clearly, not everyone has it. Therefore, it isn't common. Therefore, there's no such thing as common sense.
DFlit1 0
So true
bananagrams 9
3- been playing a lot of videogames recently?
iam_yummylicious 12
@30 - I'm not intoxicated yet!
KunoKanashimi 3
Well NO ONE is going to do this....Common Sense died YEARS ago.
psuedodragon 23
@ #50 -"Common" does not mean "all". It just means a majority, and for a majority only 51% is needed... less if there are more than two categories. Therefore there are billions of people without any common sense with it still qualifying as "common"
angrymexican 8
I was stuck on that quest!
DrDilllonReese 12
I'd say much less than 51% of the population has common sense...
nativepimp 1
You people have no faith in mankind huh?
DrDilllonReese 12
TheIsland and I see the lack of sense and knowledge in humanity... There is a lot to behold...
DrDilllonReese 12
Together, my friend, you and I will cure stupid, one infected at a time.
gribbles 12
The guys name was spot?
jackassiddy 8
Come spot!.. always wanted to name a dog spot so I could say that loud and repeatedly..
punisher1385 2
Hahaha juiced bastard!! Happens to all of us ;)
bachooka 5
Aww... now I feel left out because I've never done anything remotely like this.
evilplatypus 39
Same here bachooka.
Angelice_fml 0
You deserved it. Icebreakers only go well when SLIGHTLY drunk.
xMiss_Maggot 7
YDI for being a dumbass drunk
andzander 1
Being drunk is awesome
L1v3_L0v3_Lau9h 18
40: You know what else is awesome? Throwing up after getting drunk and those hangovers, oh yeah nothings awesomer than that! Don't even get me started on how awesome having no idea what's going on and feeling like shit is! Yeah... being drunk is totally magical! *sarcasm* -.-
tylersign 11
I hope your puppy is enough to keep you company then.
captainfalcon7 0
Haha, scruffy is a funny name!
Heebles 2
What a wonderful first impression!