Today, I went out to lunch on my break. When I got back to work, I noticed I had something in my teeth. After trying to get it out with my tongue, I finally went to my car for some floss. I ended up pulling a 4 inch pube out of my back teeth. It certainly wasn't mine. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I spent hours trying to get a piece of food out of my two front teeth. I didn't have anything I could use, until I went out to dinner and got a toothpick. I finally got the food out of teeth. The toothpick broke. Now the tip of the toothpick is stuck in my teeth. FML
Today, I pulled a piece of dental floss out of my ass. How it got there is one of life's great mysteries. FML
Today, I got a meat pie for lunch. I bit into it and felt something hard. I spat it out. It was a tooth. I checked my mouth in a panic and discovered, with mixed feelings of relief and horror, that the tooth wasn’t mine. FML
Today, I bit into a burrito and felt something hard crunch. I spit it out and found a small tooth. It was mine. I'd managed to break my tooth on a burrito. I had to go to the dentist, and the hygienist giggled a bit too much about the reason why it was getting fixed. I now have a strong suspicion of burritos which will probably never go away. FML
Today, I came back to my dormitory after a long shift at work. After using the toilet, I looked at myself in the mirror, only to find a huge piece of food stuck between my front teeth. I work at one of the fanciest restaurants in town; nobody bothered to tell me anything. FML
Today, I overheard coworkers talking about someone showing up with lettuce or something in their teeth. I laughed and joked it “could never be me.” Later, in the bathroom mirror, I discovered I’d had the same exact green blob stuck between my front teeth for hours. FML
Today, my 2 year-old had a large booger blocking his nose so I pulled it out. I was on the phone and absentmindedly rolling it around between my thumb and pointer finger. I put it in my mouth and crushed it between my teeth for a solid minute before I remembered what it was. FML
Today, I was eating an onion bagel and bit down on something hard. At first I thought was a really hard piece of onion. The "onion" turned out to be a tooth, and it wasn't one of mine. FML
Today, while in the hot tub with my friends, my gum fell out of my mouth and I had no idea where it went. Later that night I realized it had fallen down my swimsuit and had become adhered to my pubic hairs which then stuck to my underwear. FML
Today, I was brushing my teeth in my bathroom. As I looked in the mirror, I spotted a zit on my forehead. Keeping my toothbrush in my mouth, I quickly leaned in towards the mirror to pop the pimple, meanwhile lodging my toothbrush down my throat. I temporarily can't talk. FML
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Top comments
whatwasthatnoise 0
couurtt, i'd say you totally got the wrong idea about this story...i'm pretty sure that they are trying to say that the pube they found came from the food they ate while at lunch. Cause tbh if it came from oral you'd notice it a lot sooner than after lunch, hours later. Although i agree with the 4" bit...that seems massive for a pube
f_alltheirlives 3
Now you have organic floss! Nature is our friend, even though it is mostly disgusting :D
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Comments (106)
lisaloise 3
4 inch? WOAH. World record? XD
amiamazing 0
how do you know it's a pube??
that_guy321 2
maybe you should stop deepthroating you cumguzzling gutter *****. just kidding, but really, that sucks. if that was in your teeth, imagine what else was in your food that you swallowed xD
Chr0nicdreamz 0
rofl sux hard 2b u
evilbrent 0
you must give GREAT head
Dreamworld_fml 0
Lol! What did you do?! Or should I say Who did you do?! Lol this is absolute hotness. Now OP gets to go on a man hunt to find out who that pube belongs to, boldly going where few have ever gone! Happy Hunting! ; )
DaMinks 0
That nasty. . .thanks for sharing. . .
lyflycat9297 4
Welcome to FML, where nearly every situation is nasty! XD
notcoolperson 0
YDI for being a necrophiliac.
DustyStorm 16
Hmmmm....dead people? Perhaps nymphomaniac instead?
zack767 0
it was probaly a dudes beard that made ur food
plexico 4
Either you are such an enthusiastic carpet muncher your name ought to be Roomba, or, better yet, Woomba; Or, you were frustrated during your whole lunch break trying to blow a guy sporting a massive "Franks-and-beans"-shaped pubic topiary concealing a 3" dick. Finally, I don't know how you life would NOT be ****** if the 4" pube stuck in your own teeth WAS yours.