Today, I went out to lunch on my break. When I got back to work, I noticed I had something in my teeth. After trying to get it out with my tongue, I finally went to my car for some floss. I ended up pulling a 4 inch pube out of my back teeth. It certainly wasn't mine. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I spent hours trying to get a piece of food out of my two front teeth. I didn't have anything I could use, until I went out to dinner and got a toothpick. I finally got the food out of teeth. The toothpick broke. Now the tip of the toothpick is stuck in my teeth. FML
Today, I pulled a piece of dental floss out of my ass. How it got there is one of life's great mysteries. FML
Today, I got a meat pie for lunch. I bit into it and felt something hard. I spat it out. It was a tooth. I checked my mouth in a panic and discovered, with mixed feelings of relief and horror, that the tooth wasn’t mine. FML
Today, I bit into a burrito and felt something hard crunch. I spit it out and found a small tooth. It was mine. I'd managed to break my tooth on a burrito. I had to go to the dentist, and the hygienist giggled a bit too much about the reason why it was getting fixed. I now have a strong suspicion of burritos which will probably never go away. FML
Today, I came back to my dormitory after a long shift at work. After using the toilet, I looked at myself in the mirror, only to find a huge piece of food stuck between my front teeth. I work at one of the fanciest restaurants in town; nobody bothered to tell me anything. FML
Today, I overheard coworkers talking about someone showing up with lettuce or something in their teeth. I laughed and joked it “could never be me.” Later, in the bathroom mirror, I discovered I’d had the same exact green blob stuck between my front teeth for hours. FML
Today, my 2 year-old had a large booger blocking his nose so I pulled it out. I was on the phone and absentmindedly rolling it around between my thumb and pointer finger. I put it in my mouth and crushed it between my teeth for a solid minute before I remembered what it was. FML
Today, I was eating an onion bagel and bit down on something hard. At first I thought was a really hard piece of onion. The "onion" turned out to be a tooth, and it wasn't one of mine. FML
Today, while in the hot tub with my friends, my gum fell out of my mouth and I had no idea where it went. Later that night I realized it had fallen down my swimsuit and had become adhered to my pubic hairs which then stuck to my underwear. FML
Today, I was brushing my teeth in my bathroom. As I looked in the mirror, I spotted a zit on my forehead. Keeping my toothbrush in my mouth, I quickly leaned in towards the mirror to pop the pimple, meanwhile lodging my toothbrush down my throat. I temporarily can't talk. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
whatwasthatnoise 0
couurtt, i'd say you totally got the wrong idea about this story...i'm pretty sure that they are trying to say that the pube they found came from the food they ate while at lunch. Cause tbh if it came from oral you'd notice it a lot sooner than after lunch, hours later. Although i agree with the 4" bit...that seems massive for a pube
f_alltheirlives 3
Now you have organic floss! Nature is our friend, even though it is mostly disgusting :D
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (106)
couurtt 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
obviously it wasn't yours... unless you are crazily double jointed you can't really, you know, to yourself. If you don't want pubes in your teeth don't do oral, this is barely an FML.
elara15 0
Yep, not an FML, a sign of a good night!
KumoFF7 3
YDI for keeping floss in your car.
Slaught_fml 3
It was because someone put the pube in his lunch you idiots. BTW if it was 4 inches it was just a curly hair so calm down.
djqlue 0
lol the person who wrote this is near retarded. how could it possibly even be his/her own pubic hair? there was no need to add that to the story....
fsebastianslife 0
i swear, ppl r retarded. the pube OBVIOUSLY wasnt his, nd its not from oral, otherwise it wouldnt be an fml. so tht only leaves the fact tht it was in the food, and THAT is the fml. your welcome OP :)
fsebastianslife 0
haha why did u need floss? u already had a four inch piece of floss xD
krazygirl100 9
ya
amc597 28
#33: That doesn't even make sense lol. It's actually a smart thing.
TC1_fml 0
A 4" pube sounds kinda impossible imo, but at least you feel like you've licked the cook's armpit now. :)
TC1_fml 0
Well, from what I've seen, pubes are usually a bit thicker than head hair, not too much, but enough to distinguish head hair from pubes. Then again, maybe I've just seen the wrong pubes & hair...
f_alltheirlives 3
Now you have organic floss! Nature is our friend, even though it is mostly disgusting :D
whatwasthatnoise 0
couurtt, i'd say you totally got the wrong idea about this story...i'm pretty sure that they are trying to say that the pube they found came from the food they ate while at lunch. Cause tbh if it came from oral you'd notice it a lot sooner than after lunch, hours later. Although i agree with the 4" bit...that seems massive for a pube
abdur 0
This. And that was probably a REALLY bad experience for you... Sucks to be you, mate.
Spacibo100 9
Call the health inspector
Tubasaurus 0
A 4 inch pube? WTF
loquita_fml 0
Hmmm seems you had some extra curricular activity there the teachers weren't aware of. I know one person not complaining.
tcnorden 0
Someone needs to trim... Anyway, I feel bad for you! #8
tingting1 0
omg that's disgusting.... :/ but kind of funny, ahahahahaha
timtam24 0
I was under the impression that fast food places or the like only spit in peoples food when they make it. hmm guess i was wrong
crazyjack 0
a 4 inch pube??? WTF??
Pinguini26 6
Dude, way to repeat the comment. Exactly.