Today, I was eating an onion bagel and bit down on something hard. At first I thought was a really hard piece of onion. The "onion" turned out to be a tooth, and it wasn't one of mine. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got a meat pie for lunch. I bit into it and felt something hard. I spat it out. It was a tooth. I checked my mouth in a panic and discovered, with mixed feelings of relief and horror, that the tooth wasn’t mine. FML
Today, I was running late for work, so I grabbed a cheap sandwich from a gas station. As I rushed to take a bite, I bit into something unexpectedly hard. I thought it was a tough bit of bacon, or some sort of nut, but realized it was a small plastic fork that had been helpfully hidden inside my sandwich. I'd already swallowed half of it. FML
Today, I bit into a burrito and felt something hard crunch. I spit it out and found a small tooth. It was mine. I'd managed to break my tooth on a burrito. I had to go to the dentist, and the hygienist giggled a bit too much about the reason why it was getting fixed. I now have a strong suspicion of burritos which will probably never go away. FML
Today, I accidentally bit so hard on my fork that I cracked my tooth. FML
Today, I was eating some cake that my roommate's girlfriend brought by for us. I felt something weird in my mouth, so I stopped chewing to grab it. It was a fingernail. FML
Today, I went out to lunch on my break. When I got back to work, I noticed I had something in my teeth. After trying to get it out with my tongue, I finally went to my car for some floss. I ended up pulling a 4 inch pube out of my back teeth. It certainly wasn't mine. FML
Today, I was eating a bag of chips when one of the pieces broke off into a sharp point and when I chewed it, it stabbed into my gums. When I got up to wash the blood out of my mouth, I hit my big toe on my desk corner. FML
Today, I picked out a toothpick from a pizza. This is not the first time I've had to do this. It is also not the first time that I didn't see it until less than a second before I bit down on the piece with the toothpick embedded in it. Looks like there's a toothpick assassin on the loose. FML
Today, I went to the dentist. She put a spongy thing on my teeth and told me to bite. Her finger was there, so I was confused and… I accidentally bit her finger. FML
Today, I bit into a barbecue-ed corn cob, forgetting I had a filling on my chipped front tooth. I re-chipped it. FML
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Top comments
tigerisabelle 31
I hate to be an American stereotype, but I would sue. That shit's nasty and dangerous
teacupofsunshine 29
Put it under your pillow and trick the tooth fairy! super gross though. I just hate the feeling of biting on something unexpectingly hard.
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Comments (55)
lui_pg 21
Well, that's awkward
teacupofsunshine 29
Put it under your pillow and trick the tooth fairy! super gross though. I just hate the feeling of biting on something unexpectingly hard.
capnjacksparrow 7
I (thankfully) havent had the experience of biting down on a tooth unexpectedly, but i have bitten on a fork that wasnt where i thought it was and the feeling is awful.
devinaww 15
I think I wouldn't care that I bit something something hard when I discover that it's a freaking tooth "Is there a dead body ground up in here!?"
tigerisabelle 31
I hate to be an American stereotype, but I would sue. That shit's nasty and dangerous
thawny_fml 21
To be honest, I'd be 100% okay with finding a strangers tooth in my food if the alternate is my own tooth.
MikaykayUnicorn 36
I know this is completely random but I just wanted to share a story that happened to me because why the hell not. I was at a restaurant and I bit into a roll and there was a large chunk of plastic that literally looked like a piece someone's retainer. It was so disgusting but I never told anyone because I hate complaining. In hindsight I should have sued, I wonder how much money I would have received.
cupcakebruh 21
@53, I once bit into a piece of pumpkin pie, that I had bought in my high school's cafeteria, and it had a piece of glass in it... I know public school food isn't the best, but I'm pretty sure my pie shouldn't have glass in it..
Unused_Account13 25
That's just ******* gross. I'm sorry but you should definitely sue the company that sold that to you.
KhaleesiDannie 26
Tooth hurts
Rented_eyebrows 18
Not as bad as this poor attempt of a joke! :3
El_Boxeador 14
It could've been worse, it could've been your tooth
DrafteeSelf 24
What's worst? Biting into something that you know is yours or biting into a tooth that has a life story from someone else's mouth
cheeeksss 29
I see both sides. However, I would rather bite another tooth than loose one myself. That's just me though. OP I would complain to wherever you got that nasty bagel from.
mergeterge 24
I think an FML-themed "would you rather" game is something that needs to be made.
cantfixme36 28
I mean... Would that really be worse? Losing a tooth vs finding a stranger's tooth in your mouth?
lulinator 40
That just made me throw up a little in my mouth. Narsty.
taymichele16 15
Phoebe, Phoebe Buffay is that you?
rebeccacmlc 22
She finds a finger, in a can of soda ... I guess you can sort of relate the bad luck from happening upon the said tooth and finger
grigri75 35
so, we're not gonna talk about the awesome username?
mattiscg 22
yes we need too?!? & an explanation is in order.
G6Fari 18
Sue them and make money!