Today, I went out for some very expensive sushi. Two hours later, I found myself on the toilet, violently voiding my bowels. I essentially paid to have liquid orange shit. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend wanted to try a new "exotic" restaurant that just recently opened. I paid almost a hundred bucks for a bowl of oily meat sludge and a bunch of mushy vegetables, then got to shit my brains out all night. Exotic my ass. FML
Today, I spent 5 hours in the emergency room for what I thought was heavy bloody diarrhea. After having various implements and doctors' fingers shoved up my ass, it turns out I was only shitting out the family-sized bag of red spicy cheese curls I had eaten for lunch. FML
Today, I had horrible pains in my stomach area so I went to the doctors. They couldn't find anything wrong and sent me to the Emergency Room for X-rays. After spending the entire day in the hospital, they tell me I'm slightly constipated. I had to pay $400 to find out I had to take a shit. FML
Today, I woke up with extreme stomach pains. After being rushed to the hospital and having numerous tests performed, I was told my intestines were over-stretched with stool. I'm essentially so full of shit it hurts. FML
Today, I spent an hour and twenty minutes throwing up at a toilet from a shopping mall because I ate rotten food without realizing it. At least during that time I made two new friends, a gay couple who were making out in the next toilet cubicle. FML
Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML
Today, I went for dinner and bowling with a woman I met online. The Mexican food was great but my bowels started feeling it during our first game. I slipped on the bowling lane and the impact of my ass hitting the ground made me shit myself. FML
Today, I had to shit worse than I thought possible at work. I left my desk and hurried towards the bathroom, dropping trou as soon as the door closed. I then tripped over my pant leg, hit my head on the toilet, and came to some minutes later with my ass spewing diarrhea like a volcano. FML
Today, I had a really big, satisfying shit in the loo of a pub several miles from home. After getting back to my table, my stomach rumbled, and, assuming it was just gas, I let it go. What followed was approximately a litre of brown water, soaking my underwear, jeans, and chair, and dribbling onto the floor. FML
Today, I fucked up by trusting the wrong fart and shat myself in the middle of the restaurant I was eating lunch at. I was so mortified, I couldn't even finish the meal I paid for. FML
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Top comments
luckycharm421 3
just because it's expensive doesn't mean it's good
chanel8711 0
orange liquid shit? you must have eaten too much fish called escolar. they have oils that we cant properly digest so you can only eat a very small amount of it. ydi for not knowing what you ordered.
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Comments (137)
youfailed18 0
This is why all of my meat is cooked thoroughly.
youfailed18 0
Kay, I know exactly what sushi is. Sushi is raw fish. Fish, in my opinion, is a meat. So is poultry, cattle, and any other living mammal that humans eat. Also, there was no "sexual" anything in my comment. You fail at trying to criticize me when you don't understand my comment in the first place. **** off.
BugsBunny1 4
wow.....
youfailed18 0
You sure do make a lot of anal torture allusions. Did your mom rape you as a kid? How about your dad? Maybe you shove a ***** up your ass to get sexual pleasure. You really need to come up with more insults; they are getting old. Have fun with mommy, dick.
youfailed18 0
Yeah, of course my comment gets moderated. This site is bogus.
luckycharm421 3
just because it's expensive doesn't mean it's good
luckycharm421 3
just because it's expensive doesn't mean it's good
blackbird31 0
Don't do anything related to Japan while God is still mad at them.
fl0ffy 0
ya thts true GROSS TOO
MissBunny25 0
sushi is good :)
persianjr1 7
well sushi is good but still kind risky cause it could have salmonella.
destermin5 5
tmi dude tmi...
crazytoaster 2
Liquid Orange Shit? Worth it!
KVKdragon 26
oh that sucks. if I were you, I'd be drinking the right fluids to ease your troubling stomach. good luck :(
sayyestothedress 24
We did not need to know about the orange liquid! GROSS!!
TheNewGuy03 29
as you vacated your bowels, did your clench your fists as your hair grew to monolithic proportions? |the kid|
DarkHelmet 10
hahaha they probably went Super Saiyan
kateeeh 0
same bday & city ftw!
artisticninja713 13
oh god I laughed so hard when I read this.
TheNewGuy03 29
all rise for dark helmet! |the kid|
kittykat1497 7
DarkHelmet and TheNewGuy03 deserve metals somebody get these guys metals!
TheNewGuy03 29
what sort of metals do we get, pray tell? titanium? aluminum? the anticipation is killing me! |the kid|
msXnicole 8
hot pic ;)
mk58 31
Awww, poor you. Sushi isn't for everyone.
jondivey 9
only the best can handle the pure awesome power that is sushi,
attatood 8
Crappy. Orange? Seriously?? That would make a cool party trick and maybe put ex-lax out of business. What the hell kind of sushi did you eat?
Fliekorochen 0
I'd say salmon, if it's orange. But then again, salmon isn't really that expensive for sushi.
sallen0046 4
Raw fish is raw fish, expensive or otherwise. The cost of the meal has little to do with the actual quality of the food, and you're taking a gamble anytime you eat fish or meat that is raw, no matter how prestigious the restaurant.
Bobissmall 13
Sushi isn't raw fish. Sushi is vinegar rice. Raw fish is sashimi.
Bobissmall 13
Sushi can also be with vegetables or cooked fish...
Clover2009 0
No one likes a weeaboo.
oathy 0
Cooked meat could also be in sushi. It could've been wasabi or something else that triggered his problem.
Mehness 0
Chances are though he had raw fish.
jrtwolf64 0
agreed!
nanadaime_hokage 10
@oathy you know wasabi is antibacterial right? It could have been anything but the wasabi. Can't you sue the sushi shop for food poisoning or something like that?
inthemillions 0
Have fun trying to correct the whole world, because most of us are going to continue calling the combination of raw fish, veggies, and rice, 'Sushi'.
Bobissmall 13
22, Apparently just by knowing the difference (which i actually had to google to check i had spelt right) i am a "Japan fanatic" ... 62, by rest of the world i presume you mean America. But seriously what the **** is up with that, i tell you the correct words and you STILL let your ignorance take hold?
bubble25_fml 5
welcome to my world 73...
cakit0o 0
o.0 expensive = not always good sushi = yummy, but depends on QUALITY food poisoning = you can sue them
ShutMeOut 0
Sue them? You sir, are an idiot. 1) It's disgusting that you believe you have the right to sue any time something doesn't go your way. 2) Do you know why you never read about big lawsuits being won over food poisoning? It's nearly impossible to prove why you became ill and then to be 100% sure of where.
Civilianswilldie 0
I just lost 7 IQ points reading your comment.
fayola 2
"Violently voiding;" nice use of alliteration there. really adds to the imagery.
Harpy20 24
lol right!!