Today, I went out for some very expensive sushi. Two hours later, I found myself on the toilet, violently voiding my bowels. I essentially paid to have liquid orange shit. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend wanted to try a new "exotic" restaurant that just recently opened. I paid almost a hundred bucks for a bowl of oily meat sludge and a bunch of mushy vegetables, then got to shit my brains out all night. Exotic my ass. FML
Today, I spent 5 hours in the emergency room for what I thought was heavy bloody diarrhea. After having various implements and doctors' fingers shoved up my ass, it turns out I was only shitting out the family-sized bag of red spicy cheese curls I had eaten for lunch. FML
Today, I had horrible pains in my stomach area so I went to the doctors. They couldn't find anything wrong and sent me to the Emergency Room for X-rays. After spending the entire day in the hospital, they tell me I'm slightly constipated. I had to pay $400 to find out I had to take a shit. FML
Today, I woke up with extreme stomach pains. After being rushed to the hospital and having numerous tests performed, I was told my intestines were over-stretched with stool. I'm essentially so full of shit it hurts. FML
Today, I spent an hour and twenty minutes throwing up at a toilet from a shopping mall because I ate rotten food without realizing it. At least during that time I made two new friends, a gay couple who were making out in the next toilet cubicle. FML
Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML
Today, I went for dinner and bowling with a woman I met online. The Mexican food was great but my bowels started feeling it during our first game. I slipped on the bowling lane and the impact of my ass hitting the ground made me shit myself. FML
Today, I had to shit worse than I thought possible at work. I left my desk and hurried towards the bathroom, dropping trou as soon as the door closed. I then tripped over my pant leg, hit my head on the toilet, and came to some minutes later with my ass spewing diarrhea like a volcano. FML
Today, I had a really big, satisfying shit in the loo of a pub several miles from home. After getting back to my table, my stomach rumbled, and, assuming it was just gas, I let it go. What followed was approximately a litre of brown water, soaking my underwear, jeans, and chair, and dribbling onto the floor. FML
Today, I fucked up by trusting the wrong fart and shat myself in the middle of the restaurant I was eating lunch at. I was so mortified, I couldn't even finish the meal I paid for. FML
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Top comments
luckycharm421 3
just because it's expensive doesn't mean it's good
chanel8711 0
orange liquid shit? you must have eaten too much fish called escolar. they have oils that we cant properly digest so you can only eat a very small amount of it. ydi for not knowing what you ordered.
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Comments (137)
jewels1877 0
Next thing you know, the raw meat will have turned you into a cannibalistic werewolf of sorts. Next time, remember that just because food is expensive does not nor will it ever mean that it won't give you food poisoning like a cheap fast-food place.
ImmortalKratos 0
a cannibalistic werewolf would eat other werewolves you know...just sayin'
chanel8711 0
orange liquid shit? you must have eaten too much fish called escolar. they have oils that we cant properly digest so you can only eat a very small amount of it. ydi for not knowing what you ordered.
Rahnt 0
Cashew nuts are really high in that kind of oil as well apparently. A friend made the mistake of eating an entire bag of cashews.
purple_sarah88 0
Report them to the health department, sushi should still be prepared hygienically! And food poisoning can be very serious, particularly if someone is already vulnerable, i.e: the elderly etc!
opalitepetals 0
the health department would ask for a sample of your shit and then ask you what you ate in the days prior, not what you just ate 2 hours ago. thats how food poisoning works. if you have violent ***** it was more likely from the salad you ate yesterday at lunch than the raw fish you ate a few hours ago. if she was throwing up violently, i would say that it was probably the fish and that the health department should be contacted, but that doesn't sound like the case.. you should really take some sort of coarse that your local public health and safety department puts on. They are usually hosted every month. You need to be better informed.
ReginaFalange_fml 13
Food poisoning occurs within 1-6 hours of eating said food. You're wrong and you should be better informed
opalitepetals 0
There are two major types of pathogens that usually cause food poisoning. one occurs 2-6 hours after ingestion of contaminated food. you will vomit. the other occurs about 12-36 hours after the ingestion of contaminated food. You will shit. That's about as simple as i can make it. so no actually, i am not wrong.
HateyMcHater 4
Still, you misspelled "course". Today, I win Internet.
ImmortalKratos 0
^fail. he spelled it right he just used the wrong word. coarse is still a word
HateyMcHater 4
I'm going to state three reasonable assumptions, building on each other successively. As you're a fan of the ancient Greeks, I'm sure you won't have any trouble following the logic. First, the individual commenting has demonstrated an okay level of education. Second, we can take this to mean that they know full well the difference between the words "coarse" and "course", since even morons with poor taste in unoriginal video games apparently do. Third, I'm suggesting they MEANT to use the word "course", since it has no relation in meaning to the word "coarse", only they spelled it incorrectly. Accidentally substituting one word for another would have been caused by misunderstanding their meaning, not their structure. Now, one case in which your argument might hold some water could be auto-correct. My auto-correct makes funny decisions sometimes, so I can see it substituting one word for the other. In that case, the failure wouldn't lie in ignorance of the proper spelling, just a lack of proof-reading. So! Thank you for trying, and thank you for turning an instance of gentle teasing into a lecture on semantics. Have a nice day, and please choose your battles (not to mention your entertainment) more wisely next time.
purple_sarah88 0
Actually with Scombroid poisoning, the second most common type of fish food poisoning after ciguatera poisoning, the symptoms appear very quickly. In some cases, they occur within a few minutes of eating the infected fish. They include nausea and stomach pain, which can then develop into diarrhoea. Fortunately for OP the diarrhoea is likely to be short term only. And although I have done a course in food hygiene I never claimed to be an expert. However I do think it should be investigated by the experts.
Brennanrulez 0
@38, food poisoning causing vomiting happens that fast, it takes your body 6-8 hours for food to reach the digestive system, and then another 2-4 before bowel movements. if its ***** from food poisoning, its something she ate about 8 hours before
Rachel5913 0
Eww! Ydi for liking sushi ;p jk. Goodluck with the orange runs haha.
jess6blondie9 3
Yuck.
killerkat1697 0
TMI dude
venti_bold 3
this is why I don't eat sushi... always a gamble. same with mussels :/
vettle 6
it's actually not. live a little.
MsSoulReaper 27
Now isn't that lovely? haha
dansco 25
Well yes apart from the two hours it tasted nice and sat in your stomach lol
satanstolemysock 11
And that's why I don't eat sushi... asides from the fact I don't like fish anyway.