Today, I went for a three-mile run. I was really proud of myself until I woke up from my dream in my bed, surrounded by empty soda bottles and fast food bags. I haven't worked out in years. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had a weird dream I woke up on the bathroom floor at my local gym. Turns out it wasn't a dream, and I passed out from "overworking myself". I was on the treadmill for under 5 minutes, walking. FML
Today, I had a plan. I was going to get up early, eat a well balanced breakfast, put on my workout clothes and enjoy this beautiful day with a fulfilling jog. Instead, I put on my workout clothes, spent hours on social media, ate a pizza, and ended up falling asleep on my couch. FML
Today, I had a dream in which I was eating vast quantities of pizza, cookies, and pastries. I became so anxious about all the calories that I woke up. Even in my dreams I'm self conscious about my diet. FML
Today, I was house-sitting for my friend. He was late to return and I ended up falling asleep on the couch and having a dream where I violently shat myself and suddenly developed a six-pack. When I woke up, I found the dream was half true. FML
Today, my laziness reached an all-time high. I had a dream that I was at school and had spilled all the contents of my backpack onto the floor. I then purposely shook myself out of my sleep to avoid cleaning up the mess in my dream. FML
Today, and since I decided to cut back on unhealthy foods, my last five dreams were literally just slideshows of junk food. FML
Today, after the longest time, I went to the gym. I ran and ran and ran on the treadmill for an eternity, beating myself up for getting so overweight. Then I tripped and fell off, sweating and sobbing for being so useless. When I looked up, I saw I'd been on the machine for barely 2 minutes. FML
Today, feeling out of shape, I went for a jog. I got mugged. FML
Today, I dreamt that I was using the toilet. The toilet was a dream, but the rest wasn't. My pants were soaked. FML
Today, I started my new health kick with granola for breakfast, salad for lunch, and hitting the gym after work. I was so proud of myself, until I couldn’t take it anymore and binged at McDonald’s. My health kick lasted 11 hours. FML
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Top comments
anon97_fml 7
Don't let your dreams be dreams.
Benpie 22
Get off your ass, stop being lazy, and go run three miles then.
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Comments (47)
deathstroke990 22
man, if you're gonna eat like crap at least don't be disgusting and leave the trash everywhere
naviajack626 16
Best time to run is while the sun is setting with some good music.
musicforhearts 15
That's probably a sign you should start heading to the gym. Never too late to get healthy!
zainman13 26
That really threw me off my chair laughing! Good one OP. Made my day
Sia_Will 13
First of all, stop eating crap. Doesn't matter if you workout. Bad food will overpower all your hard work.
gilbertclarence 9
start walking
Aethereal 14
1. Trash goes in trash can. Not a lot of effort. 2. Start with something simple and daily to work out. Some exercises you can do in your room, for instance. Even 5 minutes is something.
vOIDmASS 13
You don't have to run fast you just have to run...get off your lazy ass and do it
Elegyyy 8
Maybe this'll motivate you
PuffPastry 8
Dude what do you think fml is? People complaining. :P