Today, I went for a three-mile run. I was really proud of myself until I woke up from my dream in my bed, surrounded by empty soda bottles and fast food bags. I haven't worked out in years. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had a weird dream I woke up on the bathroom floor at my local gym. Turns out it wasn't a dream, and I passed out from "overworking myself". I was on the treadmill for under 5 minutes, walking. FML
Today, I had a plan. I was going to get up early, eat a well balanced breakfast, put on my workout clothes and enjoy this beautiful day with a fulfilling jog. Instead, I put on my workout clothes, spent hours on social media, ate a pizza, and ended up falling asleep on my couch. FML
Today, I had a dream in which I was eating vast quantities of pizza, cookies, and pastries. I became so anxious about all the calories that I woke up. Even in my dreams I'm self conscious about my diet. FML
Today, I was house-sitting for my friend. He was late to return and I ended up falling asleep on the couch and having a dream where I violently shat myself and suddenly developed a six-pack. When I woke up, I found the dream was half true. FML
Today, my laziness reached an all-time high. I had a dream that I was at school and had spilled all the contents of my backpack onto the floor. I then purposely shook myself out of my sleep to avoid cleaning up the mess in my dream. FML
Today, and since I decided to cut back on unhealthy foods, my last five dreams were literally just slideshows of junk food. FML
Today, after the longest time, I went to the gym. I ran and ran and ran on the treadmill for an eternity, beating myself up for getting so overweight. Then I tripped and fell off, sweating and sobbing for being so useless. When I looked up, I saw I'd been on the machine for barely 2 minutes. FML
Today, feeling out of shape, I went for a jog. I got mugged. FML
Today, I dreamt that I was using the toilet. The toilet was a dream, but the rest wasn't. My pants were soaked. FML
Today, I started my new health kick with granola for breakfast, salad for lunch, and hitting the gym after work. I was so proud of myself, until I couldn’t take it anymore and binged at McDonald’s. My health kick lasted 11 hours. FML
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Top comments
anon97_fml 7
Don't let your dreams be dreams.
Benpie 22
Get off your ass, stop being lazy, and go run three miles then.
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Comments (47)
anon97_fml 7
Don't let your dreams be dreams.
MagnusDeus 24
Yesterday, you said tomorrow. Actually you probably didn't...
Welshite 40
JUST DO IT!
laden_swallow09 35
Thank you, Nike!
Benpie 22
Get off your ass, stop being lazy, and go run three miles then.
cheyluvsturtles 30
OP isn't lazy. They are simply conserving energy. Duhh.
Jatok 17
I wouldn't go three miles the first time. Start small!
OysterPearls 33
It's never too late to start working out. Start with something simple, work your way from a brisk walk around your neighborhood, to a jog, to a run. Jump ropes are great exercise tools too, and you don't even have to leave the comfort of your own home. As for your diet, all things in moderation! You don't have to cut out junk food entirely, but try introducing more fruits and veggies. Best of luck!
chocolategoddess 3
I agree with her. I decided to stop eating alot of carbs and sweets, started eating more veggies, fruits, protein and drinking a lot of water and walking I lost 30 pounds. u can do it!!! just put your mind to it
Blissment 12
yeah man your body is definitely tellingyou to get healthy. need help let me know bud.
DeadxManxWalking 27
get to running
siggy_mcsigx 22
Start by cleaning your room and throwing out the junk food. Then run up and down your street. Take it easy and set tiny goals so you feel like you accomplished something every day.
yerawizardlizzy 27
I hope you aren't REALLY surrounded by empty bottles and fast food bags. Not only is that gross on the most basic level, but it could be a sign of something else going on. When I was at rock bottom with my depression, I didn't clean for like eight months. My point is to take care of yourself.
Sir_Cow 17
Then ******* do it.
izzajaneful 24
Go run! Don't start with three miles, though.
PackardBell_fml 19
YDI. Go to the gym or something.
mfmylifesrsly 30
How is that YDI? No one NEEDS to go to the gym. Being healthy is great and all but some people have reasons for not working out. I'm recovering from an eating disorder I've had since I was 7. One of my triggers was eating super healthy and working out - that and my OCD would cause me to work out 3+ hours a day. Even when I try to just go to the gym for a simple workout, I start getting anxiety attacks and want to puke my guts out. One day I'll go back to the gym, but right now I'm working on my other mental illnesses. That being said, I lost 15 pounds without trying :D