Today, I went for a jog. While passing by my neighbor's house, their six year old son started throwing peanuts at me screaming, "I hope this kills you!" because I'm allergic to peanuts. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, as I was walking home from work, I became the victim of a drive-by peanutting. Yes, apparently I'm only worth a bag of nuts. FML
Today, I decided it would be funny to give my friend a peanut that had fallen on the floor. I hid it in his food, and started laughing when he ate it. It turns out he is allergic to peanuts. His family hates me now. FML
Today, I saw my neighbor's delinquent kid shooting squirrels with a BB gun. Shocked and furious at his cruel behavior, I told him to stop, with the threat of telling his parents. He responded by shooting me in the nuts and running away in a fit of laughter. FML
Today, I had an asthma attack. I grabbed my inhaler and found peanut butter on it. I'm extremely allergic to peanuts. FML
Today, my friend took our prank war too far when he secretly added peanuts to my food. I have a peanut allergy. FML
Today, I went off for a jog. Outside, I saw my really cute neighbour, so in an effort to appear fit, I accelerated and kept my head up. As I got close, I smiled at him, just as a huge fly flew right up my nose. FML
Today, I was out enjoying my daily jog, when out of nowhere, a group of kids in a passing car pelted me with ketchup-filled water balloons. FML
Today, my boyfriend’s mom fed me a new dish containing peanuts, knowing full well I’m severely allergic. According to her, her ancestors “cured” allergies by exposing the person to the allergen. I went into anaphylactic shock. FML
Today, I got hit by a stray cantaloupe. That's not a typo. I hate my neighbors' kids with a burning passion. FML
Today, my little brother gave me an open jar of peanut butter for my birthday. I'm deathly allergic, and he knows it. Despite his maniacal grin and snickering, my parents said it was an innocent mistake, and grounded me for yelling at him. FML
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Top comments
anniemeece 23
Why on earth would he do that? D:
JJ88 0
Little kids are dicks today, I blame mtv and disney. You should have said something that would have sent him crying lol
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Comments (161)
Fett 0
water board him and scream "I hope this kills you"
Djoooiz 0
Way to go, good parenting.. my gosh. I would speak to his mum or someting..
BrEnNo1023 5
hahaha this FML is turning into an --I HOPE THIS KILLS YOU-- war. who knows, might even become an internet catchphrase.. like, start popping up on 4chan or something. the kids these days are so bubble-wrapped, they think they can do whatever they want. don't know why so many teenagers commit crimes? it's because they know they won't get charged because they're 'not responsible for their actions'. the law bends over and the broken, dysfunctional criminal kids **** it in the arse and all it does is scream for more. let the kid have his fun. throw the peanuts back or something, or try to (but DON'T actually because you're allergic :P) catch them with your mouth. when he realises he's not getting what he wants out of you - he'll probably go find something else to annoy to fulfill his sick, twisted ego, like an ant mound or some other innocent passerby. sucks to be in your neighbourhood
RPGod 0
I agree!
RPGod 0
Shit, that was supposed to be in reply to #38.
DevineLegacy 0
wow evil devil child
veghead95 6
wow you should tell his parents... he sounds spoiled
venomlash 9
What a little asshole! Next time you go jogging past his house, bring a NERF or water pistol in a hip holster and just you wait for him to go after you.
hockeyfml555 0
m-80's in his nose, "I HOPE THIS KILLS YOU!"
vansareyellow 0
I laughed REALY hard when I read this. It's sad and everything but it was funny. I'm sorry though.
diemileyjk 0
mutter @#%er...u shoulda kicked his scrawny ass