Today, I went for a jog. While passing by my neighbor's house, their six year old son started throwing peanuts at me screaming, "I hope this kills you!" because I'm allergic to peanuts. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, as I was walking home from work, I became the victim of a drive-by peanutting. Yes, apparently I'm only worth a bag of nuts. FML
Today, I decided it would be funny to give my friend a peanut that had fallen on the floor. I hid it in his food, and started laughing when he ate it. It turns out he is allergic to peanuts. His family hates me now. FML
Today, I saw my neighbor's delinquent kid shooting squirrels with a BB gun. Shocked and furious at his cruel behavior, I told him to stop, with the threat of telling his parents. He responded by shooting me in the nuts and running away in a fit of laughter. FML
Today, I had an asthma attack. I grabbed my inhaler and found peanut butter on it. I'm extremely allergic to peanuts. FML
Today, my friend took our prank war too far when he secretly added peanuts to my food. I have a peanut allergy. FML
Today, I went off for a jog. Outside, I saw my really cute neighbour, so in an effort to appear fit, I accelerated and kept my head up. As I got close, I smiled at him, just as a huge fly flew right up my nose. FML
Today, I was out enjoying my daily jog, when out of nowhere, a group of kids in a passing car pelted me with ketchup-filled water balloons. FML
Today, my boyfriend’s mom fed me a new dish containing peanuts, knowing full well I’m severely allergic. According to her, her ancestors “cured” allergies by exposing the person to the allergen. I went into anaphylactic shock. FML
Today, I got hit by a stray cantaloupe. That's not a typo. I hate my neighbors' kids with a burning passion. FML
Today, my little brother gave me an open jar of peanut butter for my birthday. I'm deathly allergic, and he knows it. Despite his maniacal grin and snickering, my parents said it was an innocent mistake, and grounded me for yelling at him. FML
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Top comments
anniemeece 23
Why on earth would he do that? D:
JJ88 0
Little kids are dicks today, I blame mtv and disney. You should have said something that would have sent him crying lol
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Comments (161)
anonymsspermdonr 0
if tht ****** wouda calld me gay i wudve jackd him n his dick sucker
spacer_ 0
er he didn't call him gay, he threw peanuts at him.
hi5534 3
Yea dude, he was throwing nuts, unless the kid threw his, then that would be like wtf?
gpstyne 0
are you a dick to that kid?
imtheman920 0
Why would it have to Neverland? You could use any child molester.
sunney3 0
gosh i love living in canada :)
scateice 0
LOL Little Kid FTW! But seriously, is the kid a dick or are you a dick? This is confusing
wowsux4u 0
ahahha did it actually work?
Shlizabeth 0
Lmfao, that's hilarious and also sucks at the same time. But I'm just wondering, my neighbors don't know any of my allergies, why would your neighbor's 6 year old child know your allergies?
B00_fml 0
That's assault, you know. Assault with a deadly weapon. If he does it again tell his parents you're going to press charges.
IOwnedYou 0
I'm allergic to peanuts, and that would have killed me. D:
Coraline_Girl 0
ha ha, that's hilarious! Sorry the kid was a jerk, but you can't tell me you didn't think it was funny after the fact. Seriously, what kid would think to do that?