Today, I was walking out of a bar when someone grabbed me by the throat, and slammed me against a wall, saying "Stop fooling around with my wife, because next time - I'll kill you." I'm gay and haven't been with a woman since 1985. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, at a nightclub, a cute girl started hitting on me. I got into it and we danced. Just as she started getting frisky with me, a guy shoved me off, smacked me to the floor with a right-hook, and shouted, "That's what you get for touching my woman." FML
Today, while at my friend's house, she had to leave the room for a few minutes. Her dad then put me in a headlock and told me that I had "better treat his daughter right if I ever wanted to walk again," because she's in love with me. Then he left. I'm a gay guy. FML
Today, I was at a friend's house; she left the room for a few minutes. Her dad then put me in a headlock and told me that I'd, "better treat his daughter right if I ever wanted to walk again," because she's in love with me. I'm a gay guy, and she knows. FML
Today, I was making out with my boyfriend outside a bar, when a hand on my shoulder yanked me back. I screamed and turned to see my husband glaring at me, with his best friend behind him, recording us on his phone. I'm fucked. FML
Today, I went to the bar I've always gone to after work for the past 12 years. On arrival, I got banned for life, punched in the nose and thrown out. The barmaid comes out and says, "Sorry, wrong guy." FML
Today, I got beat up at the bar. Why? I politely rejected a guy's sexual advances, so he turned to physical intimidation. I'm a soft-spoken 5'6 straight male. I've been ghosted by every woman I've talked to in the past two years. The only attention I've gotten is from men who can't take no for an answer. FML
Today, I went to a party where I met an amazing guy. After having great conversation all night and what I thought was a serious connection, I leaned in to kiss him. He screamed, forcefully pushed my face away with his hand, and said he was gay. FML
Today, I had to warn the decorator we hired to stop being inappropriate with my wife or I’d fire his ass. Turns out not only is he gay, like super gay with his husband on Facebook, he’s also my wife’s old college buddy. He started crying on our sofa and my wife hit me with her handbag. FML
Today, I was at a nightclub when some dick squeezed the ass of the girl beside me. She whirled around and started yelling and slapping me across the face. I was dragged out by the bouncers, to cheers from the people around us. FML
Today, I punched a drunk woman who kept trying to force herself onto my husband. She turned out to be an off-duty cop. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Ligerie 0
Is wife code for "penis"?
Plumppotato 3
did you tell him that?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (242)
ohmandapants 17
@ #70 Oh and you know who'll be driving that bus? A GAY GUY. Idiot.
Ciel_Phantomhive_fml 0
As a young gay guy, I find the pride parades in CA kinda gross and/or detrimental to the cause. I mean, from the pictures I see, the gay community says "we embrace these petty stereotypes, thereby making them null!"... but the straight community members I feel see it differently in that they (might) see "Yeah, gay people DO act like how the movies say they do." I mean, think about it. What is the message they are sending to straight people? Anyways, I second the motion that this FML is scary, but not fyl-worthy. It'll be funny later.
primogen18 0
Totally agree #164, I look at those people in the pride parades and making out all over the place showing off their shit, I say "look, this is why people hate you". It sickens me really, I hate how a bunch of prissy pansy ass ***** are out there representing gays, and that's all that gets through. Not the average people who just want to live and find someone special just like everyone else out there, or not the families with 2 homosexual parents who live a good life where the children grow up as any other. It's sad, and as long as gays are out there saying "OMG LOOK AT US! WE ARE SO GAY AND PROUD!" and thinking they are special, there will never be full acceptance because they are just trying to get attention anymore not blend in. (Gays are NOT "special", and I'm no more proud of being gay as I am of having blue eyes, pride comes through achievement and last time I checked, I didn't achieve anything to be gay, I just am. This false pride makes NO sense to me at all)
LukeDog 0
ur gay gay people aren't good...
gatertick 1
Hey guess what? All you homophobic gay haters are dicks! There is absolutely no reason to hate them except complete unadulterated prejudism!! And when you say it goes against god?!?!?! thats bullshit. the bible (which is your means of belief) says that it was written by 40 men "inspired by god." yea..... as inspired as all the people say that they kill their children because "god" told them to. hey, when god tells you to jump off a cliff because he'll save you before you die..... I hope you realise halfway down that those pointy rocks arent going anywhere anytime soon! Oh yeah, back to the gay thing. You asswipes feel the need to say that god hates gay people and it goes against his will. well then, give me proof he exists! People say that if you dont believe.... you go to hell. Because god gives you such a good life. and a blessing that THEN you should accept that god exists and to deny his existance is worth an eternity of burning. well guess what. not every1 has the means to live well. Some starve. Some are screwed over by the system. Etc. THEY arent blessed by god. So when they die in despair, they then get punished for their not believing in a god that is supposed to bless people. Thats a MAJOR flaw in christianity and in ALL religions. But god is supposed to be perfect. so how can a perfect god inspire a story and guidlines that are flawed?!?!?! ITS MADE UP!!!!!!! If you tell someone in times when most things cant be explained that this is the way. and this is how it happened. and if you dont believe it youll go to hell. Then people will believe. But times change. and now we have explanations for the once unexplained. And homosexuality??? It's a chemical imbalance. its different. just like pedophilia. necrophilia. dendrophilia. etc. But they cant help it. You people saying you should die because you're a fag is just as bad as saying that a black guy should die because hes a ******. Youre just as bad as any racist or sexist.... all of you. Wake up, open your eyes, and see that people are different. but they shouldnt be hated because of it. And #40, you are stupid. every1 with half a brain knows that ying and yang are two twins who rap.... badly at that. Yin and Yang is what youre talking about... open a ******* book besides the bible. as to the original poster. be calm about it. things could be worse. he couldve slitted your throat on the spot. Just go to a different bar or stay away from that one for a while. if it happens again. maybe get a restraining order?
JacobBrown 0
haha your speech made me laugh. then I busted out when you said slitted. thanks for the smiles!:D
tbhagg 0
ROFL slitted. I don't think you have a life.
gatertick 1
youre prolly a grown ass man hu has to much time on ur hands so youre constantly on fml. Im in high skool on summer break. i dont have a life?
StealthStorm67 0
I gotta say, that was a piss-poor written essay. And the fact that you just shun God out of it. I mean you don't have to believe in God, but you gotta believe in something. Seeing as you're borderline illiterate, and trying to put up that "rebelious, stand up to the man, there-is-no-God" Front. And for the record, I'm in highschool too, so shut up with that "old man sitting at a computer all day" bullshit.
xXmoses_rocksXx 0
Awww I'm sorry, OP! You're not hurt are you? BTW, anyone who threatens you for being gay, let me know and I'll kick their ass. I am a full gay supporter! You rock!
StealthStorm67 0
*GASP* PLEASE DON'T!!! Shut the **** up. You live on the other side of the country. Anybody can act all tough over the internet. You're not intimidating anybody.
CircusofValues 0
All he's doing is supporting the OP. You're the one becoming a little bitch because someone was trying to make him like somebody was actually, y'know, friendly. You, on the other hand, are a prime example of just how big of a DICK people can be on the internet. Again, OP: I'm sorry some guys are straight up assholes (like StealthStorm), or ignorant fucktards (like all the people saying that gay people should die). But hey, that's the way the world is, and at least you will probably never see him again.
celenabee 0
haha what an embarrassing mistake for the guy who did that to you
nodbor 11
someone that held a loooooong grudge and finally found you?
HeavyTank 0
WHAT THE ****?I wrote a long-ass comment and when l edit it FML says that my comment doesn't exist anymore...******* hell!
daganliberal 0
Wow, lol. Was the guy drunk or something?
PlasmaFox 0
So you publicly proclaim that you are doing something outside the norm that has been controversial literally since the Stone Age, and then you complain when people dislike it? I don't hate gay people, but YDI for thinking that everyone is and should be accepting of your sexuality and making a big deal about it when they aren't.
WTWNNIL 0
Oh, another ignorant and close minded comment. Please read a book, and I mean a real one.