Today, I was walking out of a bar when someone grabbed me by the throat, and slammed me against a wall, saying "Stop fooling around with my wife, because next time - I'll kill you." I'm gay and haven't been with a woman since 1985. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, at a nightclub, a cute girl started hitting on me. I got into it and we danced. Just as she started getting frisky with me, a guy shoved me off, smacked me to the floor with a right-hook, and shouted, "That's what you get for touching my woman." FML
Today, while at my friend's house, she had to leave the room for a few minutes. Her dad then put me in a headlock and told me that I had "better treat his daughter right if I ever wanted to walk again," because she's in love with me. Then he left. I'm a gay guy. FML
Today, I was at a friend's house; she left the room for a few minutes. Her dad then put me in a headlock and told me that I'd, "better treat his daughter right if I ever wanted to walk again," because she's in love with me. I'm a gay guy, and she knows. FML
Today, I was making out with my boyfriend outside a bar, when a hand on my shoulder yanked me back. I screamed and turned to see my husband glaring at me, with his best friend behind him, recording us on his phone. I'm fucked. FML
Today, I went to the bar I've always gone to after work for the past 12 years. On arrival, I got banned for life, punched in the nose and thrown out. The barmaid comes out and says, "Sorry, wrong guy." FML
Today, I got beat up at the bar. Why? I politely rejected a guy's sexual advances, so he turned to physical intimidation. I'm a soft-spoken 5'6 straight male. I've been ghosted by every woman I've talked to in the past two years. The only attention I've gotten is from men who can't take no for an answer. FML
Today, I went to a party where I met an amazing guy. After having great conversation all night and what I thought was a serious connection, I leaned in to kiss him. He screamed, forcefully pushed my face away with his hand, and said he was gay. FML
Today, I had to warn the decorator we hired to stop being inappropriate with my wife or I’d fire his ass. Turns out not only is he gay, like super gay with his husband on Facebook, he’s also my wife’s old college buddy. He started crying on our sofa and my wife hit me with her handbag. FML
Today, I was at a nightclub when some dick squeezed the ass of the girl beside me. She whirled around and started yelling and slapping me across the face. I was dragged out by the bouncers, to cheers from the people around us. FML
Today, I punched a drunk woman who kept trying to force herself onto my husband. She turned out to be an off-duty cop. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Ligerie 0
Is wife code for "penis"?
Plumppotato 3
did you tell him that?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (242)
boojangles 0
why are people so closed-minded these days? theres NOTHING wrong with being gay. and OP, i'm sorry that happened to you. :(
RWARS 0
I'm sorry, but that is the most amazing story I have ever heard. :D
DeathTaktiXz 0
I'm sorry but i'd have to disagree with you, men are born to as the opposite sex for woman and vise versa, what the **** would the world be with all guys ****** each other and the girls with their lickin.
brianjman14 23
#73... go back to ur hole.... seriously.... no one wants you here....
besad_fml 0
I got a call from a woman saying I was harrassing her husband. She said she was gonna call the cops. But it was a blocked call so I ignored it. This story reminds me of it. Even though I was 11 when I got it.(I'm 14 now)
Teh_Pwnage 0
You Deserved that for "Fooling around with his women"
Sorrytohearthat 0
Jesus! Did you tell him that? Nobody deserves that sort of thing.
Dharman117 0
YDI for being gay.
XKroongOX 0
he is the good guy your the gay douche
brianjman14 23
kroong ill ****** kill u nikka go die plz ur ****** peace of shit no one wants u here fag ur such a **** mother ******* nigga
Gummybears4life 0
did you call the cops?
jamesr25 0
RainnDrop: I read some of your comments and I have come to the conclusion that you are the stupidest person I have yet to see on this site. Not only do you know nothing about Christianity, you also know nothing about any other thing you have said on here.
BlargHonk 0
You ******* idiot. Catholicism is a branch of Christianity. Get the facts before you post, you ignorant piece of shit.
anonymousely 0
It is, but Christianity as a religion is very different from the Catholic religion. I'm Catholic, and sometimes our religion confuses the shit out of my Christian & Protestant (yes, another branch but still different) friends. Anyway that sucks OP; I hope you explained to him.. and everyone needs to stop bashing on gays.
PimpdaddyCJT 13
you deserve it for being GAY piece of shit
brianjman14 23
**** you, asshole. Also, don't try and make your user "Pimpdaddy" or anything like that because most of the time, it makes you look like a moron and tool, which, by the way, you are.