Today, I was walking out of a bar when someone grabbed me by the throat, and slammed me against a wall, saying "Stop fooling around with my wife, because next time - I'll kill you." I'm gay and haven't been with a woman since 1985. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, at a nightclub, a cute girl started hitting on me. I got into it and we danced. Just as she started getting frisky with me, a guy shoved me off, smacked me to the floor with a right-hook, and shouted, "That's what you get for touching my woman." FML
Today, while at my friend's house, she had to leave the room for a few minutes. Her dad then put me in a headlock and told me that I had "better treat his daughter right if I ever wanted to walk again," because she's in love with me. Then he left. I'm a gay guy. FML
Today, I was at a friend's house; she left the room for a few minutes. Her dad then put me in a headlock and told me that I'd, "better treat his daughter right if I ever wanted to walk again," because she's in love with me. I'm a gay guy, and she knows. FML
Today, I was making out with my boyfriend outside a bar, when a hand on my shoulder yanked me back. I screamed and turned to see my husband glaring at me, with his best friend behind him, recording us on his phone. I'm fucked. FML
Today, I went to the bar I've always gone to after work for the past 12 years. On arrival, I got banned for life, punched in the nose and thrown out. The barmaid comes out and says, "Sorry, wrong guy." FML
Today, I got beat up at the bar. Why? I politely rejected a guy's sexual advances, so he turned to physical intimidation. I'm a soft-spoken 5'6 straight male. I've been ghosted by every woman I've talked to in the past two years. The only attention I've gotten is from men who can't take no for an answer. FML
Today, I went to a party where I met an amazing guy. After having great conversation all night and what I thought was a serious connection, I leaned in to kiss him. He screamed, forcefully pushed my face away with his hand, and said he was gay. FML
Today, I had to warn the decorator we hired to stop being inappropriate with my wife or I’d fire his ass. Turns out not only is he gay, like super gay with his husband on Facebook, he’s also my wife’s old college buddy. He started crying on our sofa and my wife hit me with her handbag. FML
Today, I was at a nightclub when some dick squeezed the ass of the girl beside me. She whirled around and started yelling and slapping me across the face. I was dragged out by the bouncers, to cheers from the people around us. FML
Today, I punched a drunk woman who kept trying to force herself onto my husband. She turned out to be an off-duty cop. FML
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Top comments
Ligerie 0
Is wife code for "penis"?
Plumppotato 3
did you tell him that?
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Comments (242)
LordKoin772 0
You dont even like woman and they're still causin you trouble, woman always find a way XD. FYL man, hope u never see him again
RatIsKing 0
he was probably drunk...
brianjman14 23
u shoulda punched him in the face and go like "what da fck u talkin bout, bitch", lol
youEQUALtosser 0
Did you give him a kiss?
Joe2794 0
Beat the ******* shit out of him and grow a pair instead of being gay.
dsnke1 0
too bad he didnt kill you, one less disgusting ****** on the planet
simplexalarms 7
wow. aren't you nice. there is nothing wrong with being gay. jackass
whathajel 0
too bad that comment didn't kill you. that's one less ignorant bastard on the planet.
ohmandapants 17
too bad you didnt get hit by a bus the minute you stepped onto the street today. Don't worry. I'm sure it'll happen soon. Moron.
Russet 0
Not really a 'true' FYL, but in no way did YDI. I agree, having that happen to you would suck. But, at least on the bright side you'll most likely never have to deal with the angry man again. As for all of you complaining about the OP being gay - What century do you live in? I mean really. Open your mind up to new ideas. Accept people for who they are.
allison3838 0
stop saying he deserves it for being gay! its the close minded people like you that we have to blame for war and shit. There is NOTHING wrong with someone who is gay, and thats coming from someone who is straight! it's 2009, not 1800, ugh! as for you dude, sorry, no one should be hit, peace and love :P
StealthStorm67 0
homophobic people are the reason behind war? Or Close-minded people? Either way, that was a ludicrious statement at best. Then again, your Total "100% Non-Violence, peace/love" attitude implies that you're one of those Green-T, "Save-The-Whales" Vegan activists who tries to shove their beliefs down other peoples throats.
supermike33 0
People who hate gays and are close minded don't start wars you ******* dumbshit. I don't see a war against gays right now. Everybody starts wars, no matter what their beliefs are, war is just a part of life. "Nobody should get hit"? That's utter bullshit. Everybody needs to get hit so they don't become treehugging ******* like you.
Tr33Cat 6
I love "treehugging" as in insult, as it shows a concern for the future rather than a selfish and wasteful use of the earth, and people believe still it to be insulting.
OhAnnie 0
Some of you seem to have some serious issues.... I guess the next time something shitty happens to you you'll deserve it for being an incompetent ass. But I realize that you’re probably just trying to get attention (clearly mommy and daddy don't give you enough), and when people are as immature as you all seem to be the easiest way to get that attention is by acting out in a negative way, since you clearly are too low to act out positively in any way.
DanizzleXFoSho 6
you're my hero for the day